Being D i f f e r e n t !

Being Different

Follow your passion. Be different. What’s the cost?  In Baggage Burdens. Martin Shopka, Uncle Mike and Joseph learn living a lonely life is the cost of being different. Can any passion really be worth it?

Martin Shopka’s loves breeding horses, but what makes him different is that he’s one of two older men who is not married. He is active in the church. He works on the father/son annual campout, but he has few close friends. Being lonely doesn’t bother him. At Daniel’s wedding he challenges the popular opinion among his males friends. He states that Jill, Joseph’s wife, really is a good wife.

Uncle Mike loves farming like that of many families in the Orthodox Community Church. His best friend is Thomas, his hired farm hand. Because Mike is born and raised outside of the church community, he isn’t really a part of the community. The depth of Mike’s loneliness comes to light in Mike’s will. He leaves two thirds of his land to Joseph, his nephew, who visited him on the farm a few times. The remaining third goes to Thomas who cared for Mike after his heart attack.

JOSEPH loves farming and is an excellent carpenter, but he too is an outsider. He is not trusted. Parents closely chaperone their daughters when he is near. Joseph confesses to Jill that his fear is that he’ll die alone like his Uncle Mike. Only when Joseph marries Jill, a girl also outside the religious community, is Joseph accepted in the church fellowship. Then he is a farming family man like the rest of the people.

Being you is not always easy.

At times a person may have to shelf their true nature to be accepted in a group.

What story can you tell to illustrate this situation?

To be a very good parent, is the wish of most parents. Jill’s wish is to be better than her own parents. In the next blog about Baggage Burdens. we’ll see see how Jill tries to achieve this goal?

Jill, a Non-Conformist

Jill,

a Non-Conformist

Why be part of a group if you don’t want to follow its practices and mores? Most people would leave such a group. Marginal interest in a group’s activities leaves a person feeling left out or worse, looked down upon. In Baggage Burdens. Jill some times finds herself in such groups. They aren’t of her choosing. Her failure to conform to their values and behaviors makes her life difficult.

Jill’s first unsatisfactory group is her high school peers. In this party-loving group Jill meets Dave, an attractive acquaintance, and Robin, a close friend. Jill is seen as an odd ball at school because she refuses to attend social functions that permit alcohol. She rejects what her teen-age friends see as normal weekend activities because of her father. His drinking results in violent behavior at home. His belittling accusations and cruel actions embarrasses her. Better to be a non-conformist than an ill-behaved daughter. 

Jill marries Joseph. They move to his home on the farm. At first she’s welcomed into Joseph’s Orthodox Community Church. Jill enrolls in summer school courses to earn her grade twelve diploma. While it is her source of pride, it is the community’s censure. Jill should focus on the traditional woman’s role––care for your husband and your children. Jill starts home schooling her daughter, Amber instead of sending her to the church school. Jill’s position as a community member takes another hit. Her non-conformist actions leave her feeling isolated, especially after the church services.

Can you find fault with a group for wanting little to do with someone who frequently challenges their long established and respected practices? One might expect a church to be more loving. It was. When Jill gave birth to her first two children, she received their enthusiastic support. Sympathetic expressions came quickly when her third child died at birth. Neighbors participated at the birthday parties of her eldest son, Daniel. They pitched in to help build a new work shed for Joseph and an extension to the house when the size of Jill’s family increased. However, when Jill’s actions differed from their expectations, disapproval was expressed.

Be a non-conformists, choose to walk the path less traveled and expect to be alone.

Who do you know who doesn’t really fit in?

How did the host group treat them?

Was it fair?

In Baggage Burdens. Jill is not the only who lived a life that was different from the rest of the church community. The next blog looks at how Uncle Mike, Joseph and Martin Shopka faired in the church Community.

Doing Things My Way

Doing  Things   My Way

A benefit of being a bachelor is that you can do things your way. No spouse or significant other to answer to. That is Martin Shopka’s edge. His freedom to do what he wants is the foundation that unnerves Jill. He is beyond control. His beard and his smoking serve as symptoms of his unrestrained power.

Jill’s father, when he was drinking, was beyond control, was violent. He too had a beard and smoked. Jill transposes her father’s undesirable characteristics to Martin. Her dislike for Martin solidifies.

Martin’s unpleasant attributes belie his true nature, a nature that Jill can’t see. Martin helps organize some of the church’s father-son outings. He asks how Jill is doing when she is in the hospital. At Daniel’s wedding Martin’s smoking friends question whether Jill is a good wife. Martin defends her.

Joseph sees Martin as a good friend. Martin rents land from Joseph for his horses. He invites Joseph and Daniel to ride his horses whenever they want. Martin sells Hoss, a gelding, to Joseph so Joseph’s daughter, Amber, can ride a horse. When Joseph fails to find a buyer for his land, Martin purchases it. Yes, Martin benefits from his business transactions, but so does Joseph

Jill sees Mr. Shopka as a person who doesn’t care what others think of him. Her experience has taught her that such a self-confident person can be harmful to others. Ironically she seeks the same self-assurance. She chooses to further her education while raising a family. Members of her community disapprove. Jill home schools her children causing more friction with her neighbors. Jill doesn’t care.

Ugly is a bearded smoking man. Like beauty, ugly is skin deep. Why Martin made those choices is unknown. Perhaps he wanted to be like other men in his church. Why wasn’t he married? His past wasn’t revealed. Without knowing Martin’s background Jill lets Martin’s surface features dictate her attitude. Like Martin, Jill exhibits some disturbing behaviors. As reader you know about Jill’s childhood. You can be more understanding.

To know the real person takes time and patience.

What story can you tell to show how initial impressions of a person can be misleading?

In Baggage Burdens. Jill ignores Martin Shopka for what she saw as his unacceptable way of living. When Jill fails to follow the conservative lifestyle of the Orthodox Community church, they ignore her. The price of failing to conform with  community mores is the subject of the next blog.

Good Times

GOOD TIMES

How can one shine when they are trapped in an atmosphere of darkness? Living with a parent whose alcohol consumption occasionally leads to violence and frequently being berated qualifies as a gloomy environment. The counter force that boosted Jill’s self-esteem, enabling her to dare to runaway from home was education. It is good to succeed and Jill did that at high school. At the suggestion of her grandmother Jill took a summer school course and aced it. Years later she also felt great achieving honors for her grade twelve diploma.

High school also tapped a passion––creativity in a drama setting. Jill’s love of designing sets and costumes for plays began in school and later, when she moved back to Camrose she joined the community drama club. Those were good times. Later she and her children become involved in church and community plays. Their talents are applauded. More good times.

Jill appreciates the values that come from education and creativity so much that she chooses to home school her children. Not only does she enjoy the thrill of new discoveries through the eyes of her children but she also plants the love of painting in Amber, her eldest daughter and acting in her other daughter. Her children are happy and successful. She feels like a good mother, a lasting joy.

To be able to play is good. Play washes away time and judgment. The risk-free environment implies that a person and their actions are acceptable. Such instances occur on Jill’s Hawaiian holiday. While her husband sleeps peacefully on the beach, Jill rolls pebbles on his body simulating an annoying bug. He awakes and swats the rolling annoyance only to find her laughing. Fun! Another time she goes to the hotel restaurant for supper. She appears to be alone. Only one table is left. When her husband comes, she fantasizes being a seductress and invites him to join her at her table and later to come to her hotel room.

A play is a fictional conflict, an unreal situation. It implies a safe environment. Through this mechanism Jill explores events in her youth. By viewing painful events from the past as acts on stage she feels safe and can determine if they are the cause to her present troubles. Through such an insight she hopes to gain a clue to relighting her lantern so she can once again shine as bright as the sun.

How have memories of good times carried you through difficult times?

Baggage Burdens. has a number of interesting characters, Martin Shopka being one of them.  Because of Jill’s prejudice against men who smoke and have beards I couldn’t develop Martin as well as I would have liked. What is it about Martin that draws me to him is the subject of the next blog.

GRACE for Jill

GRACE for Jill

Jill, magnificent creation! She is intelligent, energetic and like me, creative. Best of all, when she laughs she’s so beautiful. It’s a pleasure to be in her presence. These thoughts might well be from Joseph, her husband, for more than twenty-six years.

“Creation” might lead one to guess it is the author’s fascination with his principal character in   Baggage Burdens. In truth the real Jill moved me to spend more than six years writing about her and praying for her. A cloud that often hid her inner beauty and joy had to be removed. To counter the times her troubles splashed on other good people and disheartened me, I shaved of my beard. It was the first time I had done so in thirty-three years. I had learned she didn’t trust men wearing beards. To reduce her enduring needless trials I had to continue to hold her in high regard. The shaved beard reminded me of that commitment. It served as a sign of my commitment to helping her. In the end I failed, but knew of another who cared for her more than I.

Jill is God’s masterpiece. At the time I met her she was a work in progress, a work that began when she was a child, a pruning work I expected would continue until her life produced grapes for the finest wine.

A person with a disability requires a firm commitment from their caregivers. People with extensive time and patience are hard often to find. It’s blessing to know and see that during our dark times God is there for us even when we aren’t able to recognize his role in our lives. Baggage Burdens. shows God’s care for Jill through the work of his people.

The fear created in Jill by her father functions as a disability in Jill’s life. Many times it tests her strong will. Many times God channels His grace through church worshipers.

Gramma Maxwell, Jill's sister and a friend rescue homeless Jill and arrange for her to connect with her grandmother, Josey, a woman of strong faith.

Jill’s journey to Alberta results in employment with Mary Preszchuk. Mary is also her landlord, an active member in her church, and a person who becomes one of Jill’s most trusted friends.

Jill’s choice of Joseph for her husband brings Jill into a very conservative church community. Rebecca, a close neighbor, accepts Jill even though Jill’s liberal ways don’t mesh with her religious community. While Jill’s relationship with members of the conservative community is frequently strained, at times she experiences their loving care.

Jill is drawn to Ann, Mary’s sister. Ann’s efforts lead Jill to meeting Jill’s niece, Julie, and Jill joining Ann’s church. Later Julie’s support and faith nurture Jill’s religious development. It is through the church that Jill meets Bill, a man whose witnessing brings Jill into a closer relationship with God.

Lucky Jill! How is it possible so many people of faith could have been around her when she needed them? Suspect that the author’s imagination arranged those good meetings? While I’d have to plead guilty, I also see that is a way in which God works. His work is good. Right? As in real life, Jill meets other people who are also good, but it is through God’s people that Jill comes to know God.

Who can you think of who enriched your faith?

Baggage Burdens. is not only about the challenges faced by Jill and those close to her. There were many good times. That’s the subject of the next blog.