A kid Again

AKidAgain

Pick up and look into a photo album put together by your mother. It’s like finding a ticket to your past. I suppose if today you are young, you might say a video has the same effect, but I have been around for more than seven decades so the photo album is my ticket. At least it is one ticket I can use to carry me back to wonderful times of my youth. Fiction writing has the same result. Writers are told to write about what they know best. Recalling significant memories I find forces me to stop writing and to savor the life-shaping events. What a fertile field from which to write about a character of the same age!

How deeply attached can a youngster become to a pet? My uncle Dick’s words spoken to my dad speaks volumes. We can’t take his dog. He’ll hate us forever. My dad thought the city’s no place for a large dog. The farm is a better place. The hour before my family left the farm, my uncle saw me, face buried in the thick neck fur of my Belgian Shepherd. I was saying goodbye. I was crying. Thanks to Uncle Dick I enjoyed my dog’s company until he reached the age of fourteen. He was my best friend until diabetes forced me to agree to having him put down. For at least a year, every time I went biking alone, I missed him. 

I don’t know how I would have reacted to my father’s insistence that “the dog be left at the farm.” Today I can guess. I’m afraid it would not have been one of my finer moments. As a matter of fact, I did guess. I put myself in the shoes of Amber, a young girl in my novel, Baggage burdens. Her father, acting on the advice of the vet, agreed to put Amber’s dearly loved horse to sleep. Amber missed her chance to say goodbye. Later, looking back at her emotional reaction, it is not something she was proud of. Her reaction is something that I can fully understand. 

Writing other childhood scenes for Baggage burdens. gave me a chance to grab fall was fun. Fun often centered on huge piles (four to five feet high) of dry raked leaves. I can’t forget the neighborhood kids pedaling their bikes full speed into the pile of leaves. What a glorious spray! Oh, yes. I did that too. Then, at the park, the guys would jump into the pile of leaves, and stuff the leaves into the shirt or pants of whoever, rolled out too slowly. A wiener roast followed the raking. While we waited for glowing embers to roast our marsh mellows, we’d grab partially filled bags, weapons to whack each other. A friend raised a thick pointed branch to block my blow. The branch pierced the bag and flooded him with scratchy leaves. I doubled over in laughter until he crashed into me. 

In writing Baggage burdens. I relive that fun in the life of Matt, who with his brother and sister rake up the fall leaves in their yard. Writing about those times is even more rewarding than looking in an album. As a writer I combine other similar events into one new terrific time.   

“When did you plan on telling me that you killed my horse?” She leans forward as if to attack. 

“Amber!”

“You couldn’t of called me first, couldn’t of given me a chance to say goodbye to Hoss? How could you? How could you?” Her angry words fire out like bullets from a machine gun. Her tone switches from anger to pain. Her words rise in volume.

“Amber.” 

“He was my horse, my horse. Do you hear? I loved him.” Tears pour freely. She stamps her foot in anger, like her mother.

Joseph gets up to give Amber a hug.

“Don’t touch me,” warns Amber. She steps back. “You don’t love me. You don’t love anybody. Amber backs up again. “I hate you. I hate you,” she screams. Amber turns and runs to the stairs. 

Joseph starts chasing after her, wanting to hold her, to explain, to apologize. He calls out to her. 

She turns. Her anger stops him. Her pain burns fiery red. The need to spit out poison bites at her. Amber turns and charges up the stairs.

“Break time,” Jill announces. She hobbles to the house for the jug of lemonade and a package of muffins and oatmeal cookies. 

When she sets them out on the patio table, her children are nowhere near. Shouts come from the garden. Upon investigating, she finds Amber and Sarah wildly throwing handfuls of leaves at each other. Then Amber charges Sarah, catches her, and promptly pins her to the ground. She begins stuffing leaves down Sarah’s cutoffs. Sarah’s screaming only makes Amber scoop faster. 

In an effort to rescue her youngest daughter, Jill hurries past a small pile of leaves. As she does, the pile erupts, causing her to jump sideways and fall. Matt springs from the leaves and roars with laughter. He shouts to his sisters. 

The diversion saves Sarah from her sister’s torture. As Amber laughs and points at her mother, Sarah quickly approaches Amber from behind. Grabbing Amber’s elastic waistband, she dumps a handful of leaves down her sweats. Before Amber can grab her sister, Sarah takes off. Jill’s mouth drops. 

You dummy, she thinks as she watches Sarah race away. 

Seconds later, Sarah’s desperation cry pierces the air. “Matt. Help.” A huge armful of leaves rains down upon Jill’s head, courtesy of her laughing son. Dry, crunchy leaves invade Jill’s mouth. It starts a bout of coughing. Jill rolls away as fast as she can. She sits up in time to witness a cloud of leaves bursting forward to greet Sarah’s charging sister. Within seconds, Amber locks a grip on Sarah. Matt bowls into the back of Amber’s legs, causing them to buckle. Amber drops to the ground. Sarah and Matt scramble on top of Amber. Sarah stuffs leaves into Amber’s T-shirt as if they are filling an empty garbage bag.

Jill watches the youthful energy exhaust itself. The once neat four-foot-high, twelve-foot wide mountain of leaves now resembles a pan of scrambled eggs. When the children’s screaming dies down, Jill announces, “Goodies are on the table.” Then she makes a speedy departure in case the children think she too should experience the leaves inside her clothes. 

haiku capsule:

fall work––no problem

turn helping-out into fun

playful spirit wins

                           Nextblog:    An Outsider

Order the e-book from kindle or kobo now or your soft cover from Amazon.

What memorable story can you share about when you were a kid?

I’d like to hear your response. (callingkensaik@gmail.com)

I’d love to use it on my new website that’s being developed.

All comments will be entered for a draw on the Baggage burdens.companion novel.

A Needed Break

A Needed Break

 In a meeting, when tension rises or the arguments are being repeated a good chair will call for a recess. If the issues aren’t serious, a coffee break will suffice. If the item under consideration becomes heated and threatens to strain relationships, then tabling until the next meeting will give time for people to cool down and consider the other side’s position. While the break doesn’t guarantee a peaceful settlement, others, in one-to-one talks, do have an opportunity to attempt to resolve the issue.

Would such a strategy work in a family setting? My grandfather told me when one of his kids was on the verge of blowing up, he would send them out to chop wood. Yes, their surplus energy was put to good use, but the time it took to complete the assigned task also allowed for a cooling off period. 

In my novel, Baggage burdens. when Joseph is frustrated with his wife, he often separates himself from her. He doesn’t want her to experience his anger. When the issues weren’t very serious, work often refocused his mind. If the person that you separate yourself from is a person you love, their absence should be motivation for seeking a compromise. If that love is absent, lasting peace is hard to find. For minor frustrations Joseph’s short breaks worked. When tension rose to the point that divorce was an option, he chose a much greater break, a break that took him and Jill away from everyone and everything––a two-week holiday to Hawaii. 

Do you expect such a break to work?

Jill spent the morning working in the flowerbeds. She had worked the soil and pulled the weeds out. The beds looked professional, but she’d littered the surrounding area with wilting weeds. Last night’s mowed lawn lost its cared-for look. 

Joseph marched to the house with “sloppy job” burning on his lips. Before stepping into the kitchen, he cooled down. Instead he said, “Good job on the beds. When do you plan to finish?”

“Finish?”

“Yes, cleaning up the mess.”

“Mess! What mess?”

Frustration won. He demanded the reluctant Jill to accompany him to the flowerbeds. Fuming, he pointed at the weeds. “That mess,” he said as if talking to a disobedient child. “Those weeds belong in the compost bin.” Jill knew that. He couldn’t understand how she could make his neat work look so messy. 

“Oh that,” she responded promptly in a calm voice. “You can hardly see it from the driveway. I don’t know what your problem is.” 

Without a second’s hesitation, she walked back to the house, leaving Joseph staring at the offending sight. He suppressed an urge to order her to clean up the weeds, knowing an explosive argument would take place. Instead he channeled his adrenalin to grabbing a wheelbarrow and rake. In about a half an hour, the mess was dumped into the compost pile. 

After they’re halfway through their dessert, Joseph announces his guarded secret. “How would you like a two-week holiday in Hawaii for your birthday?” 

Jill’s mouth drops open. “Hawaii?”

“Yeah. We can afford it. The extra work I’ve done with John on the Swanson house will cover most of the costs of the holiday. I’ll probably need to continue working with him for a while next year too, but it’ll give us an opportunity to spend time with each other as husband and wife. Between your studies and your teaching, we’ve had little time for each other.” 

One of the reasons he chose to work on the Swanson house was to see if Jill would miss him. When she showed no concern, he considered quitting his work with John. Then John offered his Hawaiian condo. Joseph’s dream of spending time alone with Jill revived.

“What about the children? Daniel will still be in school,” asks Jill, surprised.

“No problem,” says Joseph without hesitating. “I’ve already talked to Rebecca and Thomas. They said they’d have no problem taking the children while we’re gone. And Thomas promised to try to sell some of my produce at the market too.”

 “How’d you convince them? It’s such short notice.”

“We’re like family,” answers Joseph. “We’re always there for each other. What probably convinced them is I told them this would be our first honeymoon.” 

Joseph’s description of the Croschuks being family is more important than Jill thinks. Joseph came to them worried about his marriage. 

“Maybe she has too much on her mind,” offered Rebecca. “With house work, the children, and her studies, maybe that’s all she can handle.”

Joseph admitted he had been considering that possibility. He didn’t tell them that he also wondered if she was using her studies as an excuse to avoid him. “When we’re in Hawaii, she will have no other distractions. Then I will know how she really feels about me. I think this holiday is just what we need.” Joseph asked that they not tell Jill of his marriage concerns. “Then I won’t suspect she is putting on an act,” he explained.

haiku capsule:

difference in goals

signs of mounting frustrations

need for coffee break

Next blog:    A Kid Again

Order the e-book from kindle or kobo now or your soft cover from Amazon.

When have you seen a break serve to bring about peace?

I’d like to hear your response. (callingkensaik@gmail.com)

I’d love to use it on my new website that’s being developed.

All comments will be entered for a draw on the Baggage burdens.companion novel.

B-A-C-K-B-O-N-E

B A C K B O N E

What does it mean to have a backbone?  Some might say it means having the courage to tell someone how something has to be. An authoritarian approach one might say, one that might be appropriate with children because they don’t know better. 

However, one must have a backbone made of steel to defend another who chooses to test their way, a way in which you suspect trouble. Then a loving backbone comes into play when you help them through their troubled times. Stepping into that kind of challenge is not an easy task, especially when the harm done cannot be completely corrected.

Both types of courage are explored in my novel, Baggage burdens.

In the first passage below, Joseph chooses to break with church community tradition. He supports his wife’s desire to homeschool their daughter.  He pays the price. For a time he’s shunned.

In the second passage Joseph risks friction with his wife when chooses not to support her to homeschool their son. Going against her heart-felt wish meant trouble ahead.

In both cases he stood by his decision comforted only by the hope that his loving actions would result in eventual forgiveness.  

The church-school’s kindergarten registration papers fall out. A leaf of guilt sprouts. Jill hid them, pretending they had not come yet. There’d been no time to talk to Joseph about her project to homeschool their daughter. 

Even though she didn’t register Amber, the school officials were expecting her daughter to show up for grade one in September. It’s what all the parents did. 

Jill quickly tucks the registration papers back into her folder. 

Joseph’s not like the other men in the church. If he was, he’d have asked about Amber’s registration. He did with Daniel’s. Joseph’s not like them. That’s what some men at church said in the church basement when they heard that I received my diploma. “Joseph has no backbone, no control over her. As head of the house, he should have insisted Jill’s priority was to be mother and wife, not student.”Boy! If Joseph heard that, he may tell me no homeschooling.

Jill turns her attention back to her husband. She realizes if Joseph agrees to Amber being homeschooled, it could trigger another round of criticisms directed at him. How would they react if Daniel too were pulled out of their church school to be homeschooled?

Jill doesn’t tell Joseph the other reason for her happier, more relaxed disposition. She’s pleased that Joseph is once again being welcomed in the circle of his male friends at church. At first, Jill denied she was the cause of Joseph being excluded. Then one day in the church basement during fellowship time, she overheard a small group of men talking about her homeschooling Amber. The men complained Joseph had no backbone, no control over her. She never dreamt they’d react so strongly. 

“I have a very important question to ask you,” she begins, looking at Joseph sitting across the table from her. “But I want you to promise you won’t get mad.” 

“Sounds serious. I promise.” He scoops a bit of the ice cream and lets it melt in his mouth.

 “Remember last year, when I was taking my correspondence courses and doing kindergarten classes for Amber? I had no trouble managing both schedules.” 

Joseph nods and samples his hot tea.

“You had no real problem agreeing that I could homeschool Amber for grade one, but when I asked about doing the same for Daniel,” she pauses, not sure how to describe Joseph’s position.

“I said no without any hesitation,” finishes Joseph. He took a half portion of pie on his fork.

“Yes, very firmly. Why? You never explained why I couldn’t do it for Daniel, why you didn’t support me.”

***

 “Joseph?” Jill’s question interrupts Joseph’s reflections.

Seeing Joseph’s smile flash, Jill predicts he is ready to answer. 

 “This is not about supporting you. Daniel was worried he’d lose his school friends.” 

Then Joseph tells Jill about the talk he and Daniel had in the woods at the annual church camp. 

“So I promised Daniel he could continue to go to school.” The look on Jill’s face reminds Joseph that Jill really wants Daniel at home.

When Joseph completes explaining why he supported Daniel, Jill asks, “So why are you not insisting that Amber also go to the school with Daniel?”

“Taking Daniel out of school would upset him. I don’t want that. Pulling Amber away from you would hurt both of you. I don’t want that either. There may come a time when going to school would be best for her, but now she is content where she is. I can live with it. I don’t want to see anyone hurt, whether it is you or Amber or Daniel.” 

haiku capsule:

unpopular choice

you hold onto what is right

backbone commitment

Next  blog:    A Needed Break

Order the e-book from kindle or kobo now or your soft cover from Amazon.

What type of backbone is your choice? Why?

I’d like to hear your response. (callingkensaik@gmail.com)

I’d love to use it on my new website that’s being developed.

All comments will be entered for a draw on the Baggage burdens.companion novel.

Wakeup Call: Dollar is Innocent

Wakeup Call: 

DollarIs Innocent 

Do you recall the story about Aladdin’s Lamp from 1001 Nights? Rub the lamp and a genie appears and grants you anything you asked for. Wonderful. Happiness guaranteed.

In a way some people see the dollar bill like it’s Aladdin’s lamp. The difference is that instead of rubbing the dollar you collect as many bills as you can, preferably hundred-dollar bills or thousand-dollar bills. Then you could get anything you want to be happy.

In Aladdin’s case where once the number of wishes was limited, one could say, be carefulwhat you wish for. Correcting a past wish is such a waste. Many people do not know what they really need to be happy. The same could be said for those who concentrate on collecting as much money as they can. Do they know the effects of their wishes or their efforts to collect the needed dollars? 

In my novel, Baggage burdens. Jill shows her greater happiness lies in going to Hawaii––not being in the presence of her husband or in making him happy. She doesn’t pick up on his surprise––Me working more evenings?or the frown showing he’s hurt or angry. The magic––more money, more happiness––is not real. Her wish, not the dollar, causes her grief. 

Several minutes later she brings up their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary celebrations. Even though Joseph tells her that their holiday will leave them short of money she is willing to go into more debt. She evidently expects her husband can work longer for more money.Her valueis clear––love for her husband comes from his ability to earn more money not in her being with him. This love for money to buy happiness continues throughout her marriage and eventually causes a divorce. 

The material needs are hers, not the dollar’s needs. The dollar is not guilty of blinding her to real happiness.

In two following passages the reader sees that the power of money is clearly not the problem in Jill’s marriage. Her focus to fulfill her own desires is the destructive element. Money is not to blame.

“You mean we can go!” 

Jill can hardly believe she’s so easily won Joseph’s approval. She had prepared a list of several reasons why he should agree, at least to going to Disneyland. 

“It is expensive, but I think I could save up enough money for the trip. If I’m short, I might have to take a few extra jobs in the winter, but I should be able to do it.”

“That’s wonderful!”

“Of course, that’ll mean I won’t be home a few more evenings.”

“I can make a PowerPoint presentation for the kids or maybe burn the highlights of the trip on a DVD.” 

Jill’s excitement prevents her from catching Joseph’s last words. 

“You don’t mind?”

“Don’t mind what?”

“Me working more evenings?”

“Oh no. We’ll have a wonderful holiday.”

A frown momentarily crosses Joseph’s face. He turns around and goes to the cupboard for a glass of water. She can’t see his disappointment.

“Our twenty-fifth anniversary is coming up.”

“November 13, I know.”

“It’s kind of a super special time. I thought we might really celebrate the event.”

“Meaning what?”

“Have a big party here. We could invite Mary and Ed, Ann and Pete, Thomas and Rebecca, our pastor, some of the people from the Sunday school staff, and some from the drama club. I was wondering if you had someone else you might want to include from work.” 

“How about a small, intimate gathering of family and close friends only?”

“You mean skip the Sunday school teachers and the people from the drama club?

“Yes. The spring holiday will wipe out our savings. I don’t want to add more expenses.” 

“If we’re short of money, we could always use our line of credit to cover our celebration.”

Jill’s recommendation puts her on thin ice, but she really wants to invite everyone she identified. 

“Twenty-five years of marriage is a major achievement. Don’t you want all our friends to know about it and join us in celebrating it?”

“I don’t want to go into debt unless it is an emergency. When we had the second mortgage, I felt like I had a noose around my neck. I had to work long days, weekends, and not get sick. One slip, and I was dead. I won’t have that again. If you want a big anniversary party, then we will have to give up the spring holiday. You choose. What’s more important?” 

His stern response surprises her. 

There’s little room for compromise.

It’s the first time she’s heard him take such a strong position.

haiku capsule:

unreal power

more cash, more happiness

our Aladdin’s lamp

Nextblog:    B A C K    B O N E

Order the e-book from kindle or kobo now or your soft cover from Amazon.

Share a money love affair that caused trouble.

I’d like to hear your response. (callingkensaik@gmail.com)

I’d love to use it on my new website that’s being developed.

All comments will be entered for a draw on the Baggage burdens.companion novel.

Dollar Blamed––>Not Guilty

Dollar Blamed

Not Guilty

      
      You’ve heard that money is the route of all evil, that one cannot serve God and mammon.  What power the dollar must have! Is it fair to characterize it as the evil one?

      Yes, many marriage breakups have been blamed because of money problems. One speculates, what devastating role did the dollar play? At the heart of many gambling addictions is the chase for more and more dollars. Really?

    
        I ask you, like members of a jury, to consider the facts carefully. First, a foundational reality––the dollar is a thing, an object, not a living breathing entity. It has no ability to think or manipulate. It is merely a tool in the hands of a thinking person. Therefore, it’s use or misuse lies with the person possessing or wanting it.
      

In the following passage Joseph struggles with why he works so much. He has a vague impression that it has something to do with money, but he can’t grasp what is driving him to earn more money, what is the real cause of his troubles.

Joseph notices that Sarah is studying him. “Yes, Sarah.”

“Dad, I just wanted you to know,” Sarah pauses. “If something happens to me like what happened to Amber, I will understand. You can’t help it if work has to be first.” Then she gives her father a hug.

“Thanks, honey,” he says as he maneuvers her to sit on his knee. “Can I try to explain something to you?” He pauses. “And perhaps something to me too.” 

Sarah looks at him expectantly.

“I’m not sure that work is the real problem. I’m beginning to think it has to do with money.” Correcting himself, he thinks, Controlling the family’s spending. “And that is something that is controllable, something I should be able to handle. Maybe me saying that will help.” He looks at Sarah’s blank stare. “Don’t worry, honey. Dad’s just thinking out loud.” Holding up the little note, he thanks her again. 

Sarah starts to leave. She stops at the door, turns, and gives a slight wave to her father. He responds in kind. 

When he can no longer hear Sarah’s feet on the steps, the implication of her words haunt Joseph. He’d always thought his family was first. Has work really become more important? Or is that just Jill’s impression? Have I lost control over my life? Have I become that weak? Has this job made me that weak?

Here, we see Joseph dancing around a hard-to-accept truth. His long hours of work are driven by a need to make tough mortgage payments. Thus, he must earn sufficient money. But why does he have such demanding payments? When buying the new house, he knew he was putting himself in an undesirable position. The bank manager made it very clear. The answer lies in his top priority, to make his wife happy, something he rightly senses she has never been. A worthy undertaking you might think. And it would be if her request was realistic. 

Joseph is right. He has become weak, like his friends have told him. He backed away from trying to convince Jill to seek professional help for her melancholy spirit. He refused to tell Jill that the house she most liked was not financially wise. When on their Disneyland holiday he couldn’t control her souvenir spending. Earlier in his marriage he didn’t persuade Jill to wait until he had saved enough money to buy new household furnishings. Before his marriage, he never had money problems. He worked for the joy of working. Money earned was a bonus. 

The fault for Joseph’s marriage problems lies with his failure to take a firm stand for Jill to get professional help. The dollar is not to blame for his troubles. The scales of justice must tip in favor of finding the dollar not guilty in this case. 

haiku capsule:

Mammon on trial

Tool? A mighty evil force? 

Gun in the wrong hands 

Wake up call––the dollar is innocent of any wrong doing. Next week’s blog will show how Jill’s love of spending money and thus her love for more money is a symptom of a much deeper problem.  

Next blog: Wake Up Call––The Dollar Is Innocent

Order the e-book from kindle or kobo now or your soft cover from Amazon.

Magnifying money problems exposes the real source of troubles. What example do you have that shows that money is being falsely blamed?

I’d like to hear your response. (callingkensaik@gmail.com)

I’d love to use it on my new website that’s being developed.

All comments will be entered for a draw on the Baggage burdens.companion novel.