At Home in Church

At Home in Church

part two

There’s nothing like being in the company of like-minded people. One feels accepted and supported. This can happen in almost any institution. What separates an institution from a home environment is when the members of the community know you and not just your name. They know your interests and concerns and are prepared to stand with you. This sounds like a home except that an institutional home is made up a large number of families who, in times of trouble, can spread relief efforts among many hands. This home one can choose to join, choose to promote that caring environment.

In my novel, Baggage burdens. Jill, the protagonist, is part of community drama club. They share a love of putting on a performance and building each other’s skills to produce a play. Jill enjoys the activity and the people of this supportive community, but through the eyes of her niece, Julie, Jill learns that the church they attend is even more like a happy, caring home.

Jill has recently lost her baby and has been in poor spirits.

Against her better judgment, she has agreed to go to her friend’s church.

Before the morning worship service in Camrose Jill wishes she hadn’t agreed to attend. Worried that some of the ladies at the United Church might not believe she is handling her household tasks, Jill tucks her note pad with the lists of her daily accomplishments in her purse. At the last minute, before everyone piles into the car, Jill attempts to back out of going to church. The disappointed looks on daughters’ faces changes her mind.

As they drive up to the church, Jill finds herself straining to hear the church bells ringing. To Jill’s surprise the pastor greets her and the family by name. He says he’s glad to see her and that the church has been praying for her. In answering his inquiry about her health she admits she is struggling, but is progressing.

After the pastor moves on to other families entering the church, Jill thinks, ‘He knows so much about me. I’m not even a member of the church.’

Joseph and Jill sit with Ann, Pete, Scott and Julie. Ann slides close to Jill and hugs her. Pete extends a welcoming hand to Joseph. To avoid any conversation about how she’s doing Jill starts reading the church liturgy. Two separate taps on her shoulder come from behind. Ellen and her friend, Ada, welcome Jill. 

“We’d met her at Ann’s place a few times,” she whispers to Joseph.

After the service before Jill can head for the vehicle, Gloria Brewster, the Sunday school superintendent, calls out. She too, greets Jill with a hug and questions about how she is doing. Ruth, the pastor’s wife, welcomes Jill. Before Jill knows it, several ladies in the foyer surround her. All express their sympathy and support.

Seeing Jill happily preoccupied, Joseph distracts his children by pointing to the juice and cookies. He takes Matthew in his arms and joins Scott and Julie.

Scott points to Jill. “So many people. You’d think she was a long time member here.”

“Yeh,” says Joseph smiling.

 “I know most of the women, but there are several I don’t recognize. I’m surprised so many people have come to talk to Jill,” says Julie.

I’m not,” says Joseph. “You see, last week before Jill suggested we come here, I called Anne. I told her I was worried about Jill. I thought Jill was merely going through the motions of her work at home. There was no sense of joy or energy. I hoped Ann might be able to perk her up. Ann said, Leave it to me. I think I know how to raise Jill’s spirits.”

“And?” asks Julie.

“See for yourself. I’ll bet as soon as Ann heard that Jill was coming she called some women and told them the good news.”

“Scott and I would like to make an announcement.” Julie looks directly at Ann who stops bouncing Matthew on her knee. “Scott and I have been debating if we should join your church. After watching so many people comforting Jill we decided to make your church ours too. We want John-Ryan to be part of this friendly caring environment.”

“Wonderful!” says Ann reaching around Matthew to applaud.

“And,” continues Julie smiling, “probably in February, we’ll have our son baptized too.”

 haiku capsule:                 

a valued person

an overwhelming welcome

feels like a member

Next blog: You’re Crazy

Home Away from Home

A Home Away from Home

part one

Home. What could possibly compare with it? The people at another particular place would have to be to be warm, accepting, interested and supportive of your hopes or dreams. Usually family fulfills that role, but other institutions can place a close second. Venders at a farmer’s market find camaraderie with other venders and the their regular customers. That’s what I’ve been told. Nice, I thought skeptically. Then I began book signing at those markets. Warm morning greetings, shared disappointment over poor weather leading to low crowd turnouts and curiosity about each other’s products or services weaves a friendship bond. Advice is free. The best place to purchase a poster stand or a canvas cover for the stall is . . . . Another good market to go to is …. Can such an atmosphere be highly valued?

While I didn’t frequent any particular farmer’s market for an extended period of time to develop those strong attachments, I had the pleasure of witnessing hearty attachments among venders and some regular customers. 

In my novel, Baggage burdens. I used Thomas’ struggle to accept retiring as a farmer market vender to illustrate that strong ties can develop.

 “Lately Mark has been there helping Thomas,” explains Bill. “You know Thomas is seventy-one. He’s finding it difficult to set up for the market. The last two Saturday mornings I dropped by and helped him. Closing isn’t so bad for him. He has less produce. I told him one day he will have to give it up. He hates too. He’ll miss his customers. They’re his friends. Thomas will miss the other vendors too. He knows the life history of most of the regulars. I suggested finding someone else to share his kiosk like he did with Joseph. He liked it. That’s how Mark came into the picture.”

As May nears its conclusion, school plays become the main topic of conversation. Sarah drafts her all-too-willing mother into helping her memorize her lines. Amber cuts her holiday short to join the family for dress rehearsal. Bill promises to come. At Sarah’s urging, Jill phones to invite Rebecca.

Rebecca is pleased to hear Jill’s voice and the invitation to the play. Her only request is that they come on Saturday instead of Friday night. Her explanation for Saturday saddens Jill. Thomas misses the times he spent at the farmer’s market. He now looks for excuses to go to Camrose on Saturdays so he can visit venders he knew for years.

Joseph has similar misgivings about not selling at the market anymore.

 haiku capsule:                 

special attachments     

to patrons, fellow vendors

caring atmosphere

Next blog:  A Home Away from Home

             part 2              (church––another family home)

Parent Imprint

Parent Imprint

(Imprint – when ducklings hatch and learn to recognize the first moving object as their parents.) Unquestioning acceptance is what I take as imprinting. Growing up children will challenge some ways of their parents, while other ways are accepted without question. Looking at examples of behaviors and values that have been accepted may lead to discovering effective ways of teaching children about what is really important.

I can’t help being comfortably committed to the value of not wasting anything, a value I picked up from my parents who grew up during the depression. “Don’t waste” was never taught; it was lived everyday. Put no more on your plate than you can eat. Clean your plate. Supper leftovers appeared in soup or casserole the next day or as part of lunch. Nails from broken fence boards were pulled out, straightened and put in the drawer with spare nuts and bolts from other equipment. Reuse thinking was common practice before the environment movement was born.

In my novel, Baggage burdens. the reader may notice several instances where children adopt their parent’s not taught values. The accepted practices made sense. They served a worthwhile purpose. Two of my favorite examples are: (1) Independent-thinking Eve values a large family like her mother did. (2) Mark, Bill’s son, applies his father’s practice of knowing and caring for the whole person when it comes to his fellow workers.

 (1)

Jill begins to wonder about the seriousness of Daniel and Eve’s relationship. ‘Does Eve’s mother suspect? Probably not. She’d never approve.’

Jill appreciates Eve’s offer to clear the supper table. Early evening’s conversation erases Jill’s uneasiness. When Eve asks Jill what impresses her about city living, Jill finds Eve’s mother’s judgmental attitude missing. Talking to Eve is as easy as talking to Julie, Jill’s niece.

Wanting to know her guest better, Jill asks Eve if she has any idea about what she wants to do when she finished school.

Without hesitation Eve answers. “Get married and have children, several children like Mom did.”

(2)

“Why did you go to Saskatoon?” asks Jill.

 “To speak at a conference. I told you that,” says Bill.

“What’s so new about your message that the Chamber of Commerce wants you to address their members?

“I’m not sure what I have to say is so new as it is to reaffirm what they already know. I provided a few studies to give them confidence that my claims are based on scientific evidence as well as practical experience.”

Through Jill’s encouragement Bill describes the work he did as personnel manager with his former employer. The key principal of his presentation was personnel managers need to be out of their office connecting with people in the company. By talking to them about their home life and work, businessmen demonstrate an interest in their worker’s welfare. Involving the company in solving workers’ problems like addictions earns the staff’s good will. At times it means the company’s decision makers participate in the worker’s social functions. The success reported by his company proves his ideas work.

“I think the employers really appreciated the effect of diminishing interests in unions.” Bill chuckles with the last conclusion.

Daniel looks to Mark. “So what exactly is it that you do?” asks Daniel, as he bounces his son on his knee.

Grinning, Mark begins, “You could say I’m a floater. Wherever the company needs me that’s where I go––set up, repairs, welding, drilling, even security. Many of our workers are young. Keeping them isn’t easy. Lately, as in the last four years, I’ve been training, actually mentoring would be more like it.”

“What’s the difference?” asks Daniel, as he shifts Shawn to his other knee.

“Training is skill building. That’s relatively easy. Mentoring is working with new employees. I not only teach them skills, but I make a point of getting to know them and their family.”

“Sounds like that’s beyond your job description. Probably takes up a lot more time too.”

“You’re right. That’s exactly what my supervisor said too when he found out what I was up to. The thing is, the people who work with me have stayed with the company. They don’t quit.”

“Why not?”

“Because when I learn what’s important to their family life, I always link the family goals with the company’s goals and their paychecks. Frequently I know the wife and the children. I praise the father in their presence and talk to them about their family goals. Thanks to what I learn from the wife and the children, I’m able to motivate the men to work the long hours or tackle assignments they’d rather not.”

 haiku capsule:                 

unquestioned habits     

comfortable commitment

identity trait

Next blog:  A Home Away from Home

part one

Healing Time

 Healing Time

 Let’s Go Out for a Walk

 Let’s go out for a walk is the opposite of take a hike. Walking is often seen as important healthy physical activity. But there’s much more to this invitation. Go out is a call to drop everything, leave your demanding life for a while. Take time for yourself. In the privacy of a new non-distracting environment you can gather your thoughts, settle down. The word, let’s, indicates company. Going out for a walk with someone, especially after a time of tension, is very symbolic. The side-by-side walk sends an undeniable physical sign––you’re so important to me that I’m taking time out of my life to be with you. Count on me. While a hug sends a message of support, a walk extends the time of togetherness. Issues may be explored in depth. What an opportunity for healing to start!

In my novel, Baggage burdens. walks together are frequently used as opportunities for intimacy and support.

Let’s Go Out for a Walk

Julie looks at Jill. She reaches out for her hand and holds it in hers. “The reason your grandmother hired the detective was to let you know your mother was very ill.” Julie lets the information sink in before continuing. “You see,” she pauses. ‘Your mother had cancer.”

Jill’s arm jerks back as if a mousetrap snapped. She runs outside through a blur of tears. She barely makes it out to her car. Images of her mother combing her hair as she sat on the stool, her mother telling her how beautiful she looked, her mother rushing Jill off to her room when her intoxicated father destroyed the peace all flash by.

Jill envisions the detective’s search as her mother’s voice calling for help, a call she ignored. Blame for abandoning her mother threatens to suck her into the ground like quicksand.

 After a moment’s delay Ann and Julie race after Jill. Once outside Julie touches Ann’s shoulder, slowing her down. “I think the rest of the story I have she should hear in private. It may help calm her down,” says Julie. As she approaches Jill, Julie lets her feet scrape the cement pad to announce her arrival. After standing near Jill for a few minutes listening to her trying to control her sobbing, Julie puts her arm around Jill’s shoulders and holds her.

When Jill regains control, she asks Julie, “Is that why Josey wanted you to find me?”

“Among other things,” answers Julie. “You’ve been gone for a long time. Josey and I thought you’d like to get caught up on family things.”

Jill nods.

“Now that we’ve connected there’ll be plenty of time for us to catch up. I think you’ve had enough news for a while.”

Jill nods.

“Like to go for a walk?”

Jill looks questioningly at Julie.

“Down the driveway, maybe along the service road to the highway. Josey says there’s nothing like a good walk to clear your head, unless it’s a walk with a friend.” Julie smiles.

“Sounds familiar.”

They walk a mile to the highway and back. With their arms around each other they stroll down the gravel driveway. Ann watches from a distance and waves to them. They respond.

Jill wraps her arms around herself as if a cool breeze blows through her light cotton T-shirt. ‘Wish I’d taken my sweater.’

Bill’s voice cuts into her deliberations. “Something else wrong?”

The question sounds more like a statement, a statement based on an observation.

“No.” After Jill answers she suspects Bill knows she isn’t being truthful. She regrets he can read her so easily.

A light touch on her shoulder stops her. She faces Bill. He nods ever so slightly as if to confirm his earlier observation.

Turning away, Jill says, “What makes you think so?”

Without hesitating, Bill says, “When we started our walk, you were in machine mode. You stared straight ahead ignoring everything around you. In the last block, you glanced at the squirrel scrambling up the tree, looked at the kids yelling in the yard. You even waved to the fellow watering his flowerbed. When we entered the park, you returned to machine mode.”

Jill nods. ‘No denying Bill’s observations.’ Not wanting to talk about being alone she searches for another topic.

“Remember I said being limited to the hospital grounds was like being in a kind of prison?” She continues her walk.

Bill nods.

“Being home is only a little better. If I want to go anywhere I have to rely on a cab.”

“So-o-o. Call me. I’ll drive you anywhere you want.”

Jill looks at him to see if he is serious. She shakes her head. “Without a car I’m not free to book my physiotherapy appointments. And then in September I’ll have to have some way to get to work.”

“Then buy a new car, or at least a replacement car.”

 haiku capsule:                 

step out of turmoil     

walk with a listening friend

healing strategy

Next blog:  Parent Imprint