Sunday 26 June 2016

GOOD RELATIONSHIPS––Nothing Better

 GOOD RELATIONSHIPS––Nothing Better
(Jill Kreshky)

“It’s all about relationships.” Those are the words of one of my golf buddies after I’ve had a bad hole. The admonition is meant to remind me that we play golf to enjoy each other’s company not get a low score. It’s good advice and it often lowers the frustration level. However, for Jill Kreshky in the book, Baggage burdens., that counsel wouldn’t work. While good relationships are very important to her, her perceived insecurity can’t take second place.

Like a concerned father, Ed questions Jill’s marriage to Joseph

During the drive back to Camrose a conversation that Ed had with Jill a week earlier returns. He’d come alone to her room, something he rarely did.
“You sure you want to move way out to the country?” he began. “You know there’s hardly anyone out there to talk to.” In response to Jill’s quick assurance that she had Joseph to talk to, Ed added, “I only question your decision because when I watch you in the bakery you seem so happy. You glow. It’s such a beautiful sight. You must really love Joseph.”
Ignoring Ed’s last comment Jill teased Ed. “You’ll miss me.”
“Yes, very much.”
“If I didn’t know better I’d think you were jealous of Joseph.” Jill had grinned as if she had caught Ed revealing more of himself than he intended.
For a moment Ed had turned red. After regaining his color he said. “Joseph is a good man. He’ll treat you right. I just hope that you’ll be happy.”
Jill had hugged him and thanked him for worrying about her.

Jill’s true motive for marrying Joseph––fear of Dave

The hot tea brings a yawn and then a stretching out on the couch. The TV drones on; the wedding plans whirl around in Jill’s head. Exhaustion from the last two nights of poor sleep drowns them out. 
Jill’s body sinks into the comfort of the chesterfield. She dozes. Her rest is a short-lived pleasure. 
“You phony.  Phony!  Phony!”  The deep male voice scratches Jill’s contentment like a cat’s claws raking her bare arm.  “Liar! Liar! Liar!” 
Jill cries out.  “Nooooooo.” 
Can’t marry me until you know more about me hey?  When did Joseph gain that vital knowledge about you before he agreed to this marriage?
“He thinks he knows enough,” whimpers Jill.
“And you know better. How dare you attempt to build a marriage without love? You know why you’re doing this? To hide from Dave.”

Jill’s need to move to Camrose

“Jill. I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten the suggestion you made about us moving to Camrose. As you can imagine, it is a difficult decision for me to make.” He sees Jill nodding. “You do still want to move, don’t you?”
“Yes.” Jill answers simply and without hesitation.
“Perhaps you can help me again appreciate why such an action is so important for you.” He faces Jill.
When she speaks, her words come out in a calm confident voice. She has anticipated the request. “When we went out for dinner on our fourteenth anniversary I asked you to explain why you decided that Daniel should continue going to the church school. Remember?”
Joseph nods.
“You said what makes Daniel happy is being with his friends.” Again Jill waits for Joseph to nod indicating he remembers. “That same idea applies to me. I don’t have any friends at your church. Oh, they tolerate me, but they aren’t my friends.”
Jill sees Joseph take a deep breath. Anticipating his objection she quickly adds, “Don’t think I haven’t heard the whispers about me being headstrong, not knowing my place, feeling I’m too good for them. I’ve heard it all.” Decibels rise with Jill’s anger. I know they don’t like the fact that I took courses to improve myself and that I’m homeschooling my girls. I’ve tried to explain to them why I want to do it. The next week I hear the same people griping about the same thing. I might as well have been talking to a wall.”
Joseph recalls Jill’s involvement with the Christmas play. Everyone praised her for her coaching. They even asked if she’d do it next year. “I know what you mean,” says Joseph. “At first I wasn’t accepted, but now I am. It just takes time.”
“Yes, but how much time? Amber’s almost nine. How much more time do they need?”
Before he can speak, Jill starts again. Her voice achieves the earlier calm tone. “You know, when Ann invited me to her church, they accepted and appreciated me right away. When I show up, people talk to me. They ask how I’m doing. They are interested in what I’m doing. I feel like I’m somebody in their eyes. That doesn’t happen when I go to church with you. I can, no, I have walked out without a soul speaking to me. Is it any wonder that I’d like to be close to people who treat me like friends?”


Moving motive––a lack of companionship
           




















haiku capsule:
                                       
                                                         glowing happiness
                                                              frowning friends, a fake welcome
     trade heaven for hell




Next blog: The Most Important RELATIONSHIPS

Sunday 19 June 2016

RELATIONSHIPS: key to a HAPPY LIFE #1

RELATIONSHIPS, a key to a HAPPY life 
Thomas Croschuk
  
Wouldn’t life be great if you won the lottery? Certainly a ten million dollar windfall would make changes in one’s life, but would life really be much better?
In the book, Baggage burdens., the author’s foundational value for rich human relationships serves as an important key for the happiness for many characters. Wealth is not an obstacle to happiness. Jill’s grandmother is financially secure, but her greatest delight is her involvement with people, and her greatest sorrow is the separation from her daughter and grandchildren.
A taste of the joy of human connections in this novel begins with Thomas Croschuk, a farmer’s market vendor. Happily married with six children, Thomas grows vegetables for the joy of interacting with his market customers. His wife, Rebecca, doesn’t appreciate the depth of his attachment for the vendor life until the retirement shadow looms over Thomas.


“Lately Mark has been there helping Thomas. You know Thomas is seventy-one. He’s finding it difficult to set up for the market. The last two Saturday mornings I dropped by and helped him. Closing isn’t so bad for him. He has less produce. I told him one day he will have to give it up. He hates too. He’ll miss his customers. They’re his friends. Thomas will miss the other vendors too. He knows the life history of most of the regulars. I suggested finding someone else to share his kiosk like he did with Joseph. He liked it. That’s how Mark came into the picture.”
*            *            *
As May nears its conclusion, the school’s play becomes the main topic of conversation. Sarah drafts her all-too-willing mother into helping her memorize her lines. Amber cuts her holiday short to join the family for dress rehearsal. Bill promises to come. At Sarah’s urging, Jill phones to invite Rebecca.
Rebecca is pleased to hear Jill’s voice and to receive the invitation to the play. Her only request was that they come on Saturday instead of Friday night. Her explanation saddens Jill. Thomas misses the times he spent at the farmer’s market. He now looks for excuses to go to Camrose on Saturdays so he can visit venders he knew for years.


Thomas’ love for others is only surpassed by other’s love for him.

“Thomas Croschuk, a farm hand,  sent me a letter telling me Uncle Mike had died.” 
Jill hears a sniffle and sees Joseph’s other hand wipe tears away.
“At least he didn’t die alone. He had friends, friends who were with him to the end. Thomas was very special. That’s what a paragraph in my uncle’s will stated.” 
They walk in silence until Joseph stops and looks at Jill.
“You know,” begins Joseph. He pauses and swallows. “You know, Uncle Mike left me two-thirds of his land.” Surprise crosses Jill’s face. “I only visited a few times, and he gave me two-thirds of his land! I was only twenty-one. His will said I was like a son to him. Uncle Mike never married.”
*            *            *
“What happened to the other third of your Uncle Mike’s land?”
“Oooh!  He gave it to Thomas.  He said that Thomas worked with him for twenty some years. Uncle Mike hired him when Thomas was twenty. No one else in the community had a job for Thomas. Uncle Mike told me Thomas was like an answer to a prayer. You see the doctor had told Uncle Mike, because of a heart problem, he shouldn’t over tax himself. Then Thomas appeared asking for any kind of a job. Later it was Thomas and Rebecca who cared for Uncle Mike during his last half year when he was bed ridden, just as if he was part of their family. So Uncle Mike gave him a third of his land.”


Thomas’ relationships made him as rich as a millionaire.

            
haiku capsule:
                                                                            man who serves with joy
                                        loves knowing his customers   
lottery jackpot


Next blog: RELATIONSHIPS
a key to a HAPPY life––
as seen through Jill’s eyes

Sunday 12 June 2016

LOVE––A Weakness


L o v e––A Weakness

By the time that Jill, in the novel, Baggage burdens., ran away from home, she believed love is an evil. Her parents taught her that. How? By their actions.
Alice, Jill’s mother, cooked and cleaned for Frank, her husband. She defended him even when he was in the wrong. What did she get in return? Being manhandled, some times violently. Forgiving him when he came home drunk did no good. A few days later he’d do it again.
What’s the use of loving someone?

Jill remembers

“He said he wouldn’t drink anymore!” Jill’s outburst erupts, as she fails to contain her fury. Her mother doesn’t respond. Righteous anger forces the seventeen year old to her feet to face her father.
“He’d better go downstairs and call his AA buddy.” Jill summons her courage; then advances, intent to demonstrate her conviction and redirect her father downstairs.
Alice scrambles after her angry daughter. “Jill, don’t.”
“Don’t what? That was the deal. He said if he ever comes home drunk again we could tell him he had to call his AA buddy. We could remind him of it. He agreed to that. Remember?” The volume of her voice rises.

“What do you think you’re doing?” 
“Trying to salvage Jill’s home work. What do you think?” Anger slips out of Alice before she realizes it.
“I’ll tell you what I think. I think you’re doing a poor job of raising that kid.” Frank shoves himself away from the wall, grabs Alice by her arms and shakes her. “How many times have I told you? Tell her to clean up when she’s finished.  How many times?”
Fear replaces Alice’s anger. Half crying, she answers, “I don’t know.”
“Too many times. That’s how many. Too many times.”
Gripped by fear Alice looks for a defense. “She doesn’t listen,” whines Alice, feeling overwhelmed. Pain pierces her arms. “I can’t control her.”
“Doesn’t listen,” shouts Frank.
“Yes,” she pleads in desperation, hoping he’ll release his grip, hoping she’ll escape.


Jill never said love is useless, but her actions did. She had internalized the belief that love is a weakness that should be avoided.
         
Moving in with Dave and Greg

“This would be no prelude to some kind of relationship thing?” asks Jill.
“Absolutely not,” lies Dave. ‘But if something does happen––’

Love and marriage not in Jill’s plans

“Jill, what would you say if you heard Ben was planning to buy you a ring?”
“An engagement ring?” Jill’s surprise catches Mary off guard.
“Well, you two have been going around together for a while, and having a good time.  Does it sound so strange that he might want to buy you a ring?”
“Mary, do you know something I don’t?” Anxiety overtakes Jill’s voice.
“Besides, if Ben waits too long you’re apt to accept a proposal from Joseph.”
“Mary?” Jill’s voice betrays a concern, but Mary ignores it.
Jill reviews her impression of what she characterizes as a casual relationship with Ben. She finds no hint of a marriage in their future.
‘Sounds like somebody is coaching Ben to act before he’s ready,’ she thinks.
“For all Ben knows, you could be just waiting for him to ask you to marry him.”
“Well, to answer your earlier question about the ring, you have to promise that what I’m about to tell you will be in confidence.”
“Ooooh of course,” assures Mary, holding up her hand as if to swear an oath.
“Okay then, my first reaction to a ring is that things are so good now, why would I want to change anything? I have my work, my freedom, and as you have said, I have had a lot of fun over this last little while. Life is good. I don’t need a change.” Jill’s emphatic position convinces Mary.

Jill haunted by the truth

“You phony.  Phony!  Phony!”  The deep male voice scratches Jill’s contentment like a cat’s claws raking her bare arm.  “Liar! Liar! Liar!” 
Jill cries out.  “Nooooooo.” 
Can’t marry me until you know more about me hey?  When did Joseph gain that vital knowledge about you before he agreed to this marriage?
“He thinks he knows enough,” whimpers Jill.

“And you know better. How dare you attempt to build a marriage without love? You know why you’re doing this? To hide from Dave.”
“Joseph loves me.”
“That means this marriage has only a 50 percent chance of success.”
“He’s happy.  What more do you want?”
“How about you choosing to make him happy just so he will be happy?”

from Joseph’s breakup letter


When you said you would marry me, I sensed it wasn’t for love. Then, I thought I was so lucky that you were willing to make a home with me. I hoped that my love for you would win you over. I was willing to sacrifice anything to make you happy. For the longest time I thought that you would eventually return my love. Recently it’s become painfully clear that no matter how much I do, you will only tolerate me, never mind love me.

haiku capsule:
                                                                            Love, a one-way street
                                                         mother’s mistake I won’t make
a loveless marriage


Next blog: RELATIONSHIPS, a key to a HAPPY life

Sunday 5 June 2016

Truth, the WHOLE Truth

The Truth, the WHOLE Truth


 Wouldn’t it be good if people were like the courts wanting the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?  Too often that isn’t the case.
Evidence is easily accepted if it supports a desired position. Information that challenges a position leads to an admission of an error; an argument lost, a compromise needed. Compromises mean something of value will have to be given up, rarely a desired result.
Make a good first impression. Why? That first impression is held like a fact even though it is only a partial truth. One may feel changing the initial impression requires a chisel, a hammer and much persistence. No one likes to be told they are wrong. Even worse a revised position may lead to a multitude of other adjustments. Perhaps the conflicting evidence is better left unsaid.
In the novel, Baggage burdens., there are many instances where absence of the whole truth is chosen. It leads to friction and pain.

Facts about Jill have little effect in the Orthodox Community Church.

“Don’t think I haven’t heard the whispers about me being headstrong, not knowing my place, feeling I’m too good for them. I’ve heard it all.” Decibels rise with Jill’s anger. I know they don’t like the fact that I took courses to improve myself and that I’m homeschooling my girls. I’ve tried to explain to them why I want to do it. The next week I hear the same people griping about the same thing. I might as well have been talking to a wall.

                        Josey’s Confession

“I told you how my blindness about your father’s drinking caused me to adopt a poor strategy of dealing with him. Well, his drinking blinded me to seeing that outside of his drinking he was a good man.”

“No. Hear me out,” says Josey. “Your mother saw something good in him that I couldn’t or didn’t want to. I can’t even say I know what it was.

“Then Alice became ill. There were tests and tests and tests. Eventually we learned she had lung cancer. When she was hospitalized, Frank spent every minute that he wasn’t at work with her. Near the end he took a long-term leave and stayed with Alice day and night. What surprised me is he quit drinking. He quit smoking. Completely. No stepping out for a drag and then returning.
Alice said she thought it was a way of him trying to say if he could, he would do anything to help her. He really does love me your mom said. I let my bias about his drinking blind me to the possibility that he was capable of any love. I didn’t think he had it in him.”

Frank, Alice’s husband, was no good. Josey’s impression of Frank arose from the fact that in his youth Frank was a party animal. It didn’t matter that later Frank was a good provider for his family, or that Alice loved him.
Because Josey refused to get the whole truth about Frank she caused suffering for Frank, Alice and Jill.

Jill rejects the Josey’s facts. They conflict with her fast held impression of her father.

“He loved her! Mom loved him. Impossible,” thinks Jill

haiku capsule:
                                                                            tell the whole story
                                                         partial truth causes suffering
accept facts––hard choice


Next blog: LOVE, a weakness