(Jill Kreshky)
“It’s all about
relationships.” Those are the words of one of my golf buddies after I’ve had a
bad hole. The admonition is meant to remind me that we play golf to enjoy each other’s company not get a
low score. It’s good advice and it often lowers the frustration level. However,
for Jill Kreshky in the book, Baggage burdens.,
that counsel wouldn’t work. While good relationships are very important to her,
her perceived insecurity can’t take second place.
Like a concerned father, Ed questions Jill’s marriage to
Joseph
During
the drive back to Camrose a conversation that Ed had with Jill a week earlier
returns. He’d come alone to her room, something he rarely did.
“You
sure you want to move way out to the country?” he began. “You know there’s
hardly anyone out there to talk to.” In response to Jill’s quick assurance that
she had Joseph to talk to, Ed added, “I only question your decision because
when I watch you in the bakery you seem so happy. You glow. It’s such a
beautiful sight. You must really love Joseph.”
Ignoring
Ed’s last comment Jill teased Ed. “You’ll miss me.”
“Yes,
very much.”
“If
I didn’t know better I’d think you were jealous of Joseph.” Jill had grinned as
if she had caught Ed revealing more of himself than he intended.
For
a moment Ed had turned red. After regaining his color he said. “Joseph is a
good man. He’ll treat you right. I just hope that you’ll be happy.”
Jill
had hugged him and thanked him for worrying about her.
Jill’s true motive for marrying Joseph––fear of Dave
The
hot tea brings a yawn and then a stretching out on the couch. The TV drones on;
the wedding plans whirl around in Jill’s head. Exhaustion from the last two
nights of poor sleep drowns them out.
Jill’s
body sinks into the comfort of the chesterfield. She dozes. Her rest is a
short-lived pleasure.
“You phony. Phony! Phony!” The deep male voice scratches Jill’s
contentment like a cat’s claws raking her bare arm. “Liar! Liar! Liar!”
Jill
cries out. “Nooooooo.”
“Can’t
marry me until you know more about me hey? When did Joseph
gain that vital knowledge about you before he agreed to this marriage?”
“He
thinks he knows enough,” whimpers Jill.
“And you know better. How dare you attempt
to build a marriage without love? You know why you’re doing this? To hide from
Dave.”
Jill’s need to move
to Camrose
“Jill.
I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten the suggestion you made about us
moving to Camrose. As you can imagine, it is a difficult decision for me to
make.” He sees Jill nodding. “You do still want to move, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
Jill answers simply and without hesitation.
“Perhaps
you can help me again appreciate why such an action is so important for you.”
He faces Jill.
When
she speaks, her words come out in a calm confident voice. She has anticipated
the request. “When we went out for dinner on our fourteenth anniversary I asked
you to explain why you decided that Daniel should continue going to the church school.
Remember?”
Joseph
nods.
“You
said what makes Daniel happy is being with his friends.” Again Jill waits for
Joseph to nod indicating he remembers. “That same idea applies to me. I don’t
have any friends at your church. Oh, they tolerate me, but they aren’t my
friends.”
Jill
sees Joseph take a deep breath. Anticipating his objection she quickly adds,
“Don’t think I haven’t heard the whispers about me being headstrong, not
knowing my place, feeling I’m too good for them. I’ve heard it all.” Decibels
rise with Jill’s anger. I know they don’t like the fact that I took courses to
improve myself and that I’m homeschooling my girls. I’ve tried to explain to
them why I want to do it. The next week I hear the same people griping about
the same thing. I might as well have been talking to a wall.”
Joseph
recalls Jill’s involvement with the Christmas play. Everyone praised her for
her coaching. They even asked if she’d do it next year. “I know what you mean,”
says Joseph. “At first I wasn’t accepted, but now I am. It just takes time.”
“Yes,
but how much time? Amber’s almost nine. How much more time do they need?”
Before
he can speak, Jill starts again. Her voice achieves the earlier calm tone. “You
know, when Ann invited me to her church, they accepted and appreciated me right
away. When I show up, people talk to me.
They ask how I’m doing. They are interested in what I’m doing. I feel like I’m
somebody in their eyes. That doesn’t happen when I go to church with you. I
can, no, I have walked out without a soul speaking to me. Is it any wonder that
I’d like to be close to people who treat me like friends?”
Moving motive––a lack of companionship
 |
haiku capsule:
glowing happiness
frowning
friends, a fake welcome
trade heaven for hell
Next blog: The Most
Important RELATIONSHIPS
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