Life Goes On

Life Goes On

You’re not indispensible. At first glance, this is not a comforting message. Who wants to be told that they’re not that important? If those words are heard in the context of a family where a network of people step in and cover for you, then one can take heart. Peaceful growth continues. Still the one used to directing the family affairs must cope with the fact that chaos did not ensue in their absence. Alternate developments work well. A person with a strong self-concept accepts the new circumstances. A person with a low self-esteem who is tied to their leading roll has challenging adjustments to be made.

Jill, in my novel, Baggage burdens., spends six weeks in hospital because of a car accident. When she returns home, she finds her family life has taken a number of unforeseen changes. Her children have rewarding community pursuits. Her eldest daughter’s education plans have changed. There’s no going back to the life she left. Her boss would like Jill’s temporary replacement to continue to work for a few more months. Without a vehicle Jill finds herself stranded, in need of help from her long-working-hours-daughter or friends she doesn’t fully trust.

In speaking to her eldest daughter Jill says, “I wanted to ask you about the change in your plans for university. I thought we figured out you would work for a year first.”

 “I was. Originally I thought I couldn’t earn enough money over the summer. Thanks to Bill’s connections, I have a job that will pay me enough money to cover my tuition and books.”

“But Edmonton! Getting a place to stay”––

“Bill suggested I phone Aunt Mary. He said since they have a two-bedroom suite, I might be able to rent a room from them at a good price. So I did. Uncle Ed said all I would have to do is pay for the food I needed. My savings will cover that Mom.”

Before Jill can comment, Amber switches topics. “Mr. Barkard helped me review the courses offered by different universities.” Seeing the name puzzle Jill, Amber explains that Mr. Barkard was her high school counselor. Her description of the courses she has registered for and hopes to take in the following years leaves Jill with the impression that careful planning has taken place.

As Jill eats lunch with her two youngest children, she asks about their afternoon plans. Jill thinks they might go for an afternoon walk. Sarah surprises Jill by telling her that she has a part time job at a convenience store. “Only twenty minutes by bike,” she says proudly. “But I’ll be home for supper.”

Matt informs Jill of a fun soccer game that he and some neighborhood boys will be playing in the schoolyard. He adds that he bikes there with his friend, Bennett.

So much has changed. Jill most misses planning events with her children. She thinks she might not be able to reclaim her life from a couple of months ago. ‘Like trying to catch a piece of paper grabbed by the wind. They have a different life now, a life without me, like babies pushed out of a nest, flying everywhere anytime. But I didn’t push them out.’

Turning to Amber Jill says, “I thought tomorrow night we could go grocery shopping together.”

“Just give me the list and Saturday after work I’ll pick up everything. What about supper at Aunt Rebecca’s?”

“Sarah, Matt and I are looking forward to spending time together, to catch up on things.” Jill looks at Amber hoping Amber might change her mind. She has no idea that Amber is looking forward to hearing last minute impressions about her father from Thomas. Amber hopes she might even find out where her father lives, at least which city.

“Bill will be there,” says Amber hopefully.

“No thanks.” Jill nods disappointed.

Jill’s quick response leaves little doubt her decision is final.

The next morning Jill joins her children for breakfast. Conversation with Amber is short. Amber rushes off to work. Sarah visits a little longer but she too, bikes off to work. Matt stays a little longer and talks about the friends he will see at the morning soccer practice. By nine thirty Jill is home alone and feeling left out.

Thinking that she should return to work soon, Jill calls her boss, Mr. Tarsen. She worked as a receptionist for an insurance broker.

He asks her if she would mind waiting until September. He hired his daughter who’d graduated from high school. He expects she will be attending university in the fall. Jill’s initial thought is how Amber would feel if she were suddenly replaced. Jill realizes that some of her physiotherapy appointments would be scheduled during work hours. While Mr. Tarsen wouldn’t make an issue if she took time off, Jill knew he’d be better off with his daughter. She accepts his suggestion to return in the fall. His sigh of relief surprises her.

After Jill hangs up, she thinks, ‘I have to have a car.’

To whom can this once leader-of-the-home

turn to for help

to rebuild her life?

haiku capsule:                 

Nobody needs me.     

Alone, with nothing to do.

Left out.  My life’s gone.

      Next blog: 

A New, New Year’s Tradition

Crafting A Parent

Crafting a Parent

Designing the traits of an unborn character in a novel is exhilarating.  In a sense it’s like experiencing a shadow of how the Almighty feels having created and knowing the child in the mother’s womb. There are so many influences to consider.  

In my novel, Baggage burdens., I created a substitute parent for Joseph to lean on in troubling times. Joseph is in his early twenties when he inherits part of his Uncle Mike’s farm. He was an only child who had lived on a farm with his grandparents because his parents died when he was young. Those circumstances dictate some personality traits for Thomas, parent-like friend to Joseph. Knowing Thomas before Joseph meets him sets the stage for Joseph to value his connection to Thomas.

Who is Thomas? He is an experienced farmer and Joseph’s go-to coach. To compliment Joseph’s grandparent’s old school values Thomas is part of a rural, conservative orthodox religious community. Thomas models a family man, a father of six children. More important, when Mike was dying, Thomas cared for him like Mike was his father. Mike even willed part of his land to Thomas. While Joseph benefits from tapping Thomas’ carpentry and farmer’s market skills, it is Thomas’ role as father and husband that Joseph most frequently looks to for leadership. While the church community is slow in accepting Joseph and later Jill, Joseph’s wife, Thomas models a more liberal accepting nature.

Meet Thomas  

Thomas and several neighbors were rebuilding a workshop for Joseph. The old one had burned down. A truck carrying lumber spilled its load. Butch, Joseph’s dog, was found beneath it. “You were devastated,” said Thomas looking at Joseph. He had nodded momentarily reliving the event.

“Two years earlier I lost Uncle Mike. Then Butch. All I had left was you and Rebecca,” he said still sad.

Thomas sat with Joseph while the other men picked up the lumber. Then Thomas and Joseph dug a shallow grave for Butch near the spot where he died. After temporarily marking the grave with a stick, Thomas sat with Joseph by the grave as Joseph talked about his lost friend.

Joseph’s attempts to engage Jill in conversation result in one or two word responses. Once again in desperation Joseph shares his concerns about Jill’s low-level energy with Thomas and Rebecca.

 “I think she still can’t get over losing Christine,” he tells Rebecca.

 “Could be. Be patient.” Rebecca reaches out to comfort Joseph. In a lower voice she hints that perhaps it might be time to take Jill to her doctor. “It’s been more than four months.”

“It’s so maddening! It’s like she’s stuck in the mud, spinning her wheels and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Maybe there is.” Thomas’ comment drifts out slowly as if he is thinking of a possibility, but hasn’t worked out the details.

“What do you mean?” Joseph studies his friend.

“All I can think of is,” he pauses, “end her brooding; get her mind out of the past. Excite her about something in the future. You know, give her something to look forward to.”

Joseph and Thomas pull up to the market at the same time. Thomas’ normal greeting stops short when he sees Jill step out of the truck. Instead of unloading, he welcomes Jill, Amber and Sarah. Jill announces that she and Amber have come to help Joseph for the morning. He glances at Joseph to see if he heard her words correctly. When no clarification comes, Thomas praises Jill for her offer. Thomas glances at his watch then looks at Joseph.

“Shall we?” he asks, pointing to the back of Joseph’s truck.

Joseph nods.

The two men slip into their efficient routine. Purpose-driven movements require no verbal instructions. Smiles and warm greetings from vendors portray a communal atmosphere. Every now and then Jill and Amber pitch in.

The bustle of activity leaves Jill feeling a little out of place. With Sarah resting on her hip, she admires the silent communication between Joseph and Thomas. The speed at which they set up the table’s display is like watching a silent movie at accelerated speed. Jill abandons the idea of volunteering to help.

Thomas is my character, in whom I’m well pleased.

haiku capsule:                 

complex character     

farmer, carpenter, salesmen

father roll in each

Next blog: Life Goes On

Adopt a Parent

Adopt a Parent

How would you like to pick the kind of people who will be your parents? An appealing option if you happen to be an idealistic teen or you’re a run away from home because it was filled with violence.

You say you can’t pick a parent as if they are stacked on supermarket shelves. True, but you can choose who you would trust completely as if they were loving parents. Of course a child who endured unfeeling parents may think they want nothing more to do with a mother or father figure again. That resolution could weaken if they have no one with whom to seek support. 

Oh yes, there is one other person who would enjoy designing the character of a parent––an author who has placed his protagonist, a lonely runaway teenager in a distant part of the country. In my novel, Baggage burdens., that is Jill’s situation when she moves to Camrose, Alberta. No parents––she’ll never go back to her abusive home. No close friends. Robin deserted her. Dave broke his promise of only a platonic relationship. No other family. Her grandmother, Josey, took Dave’s side when he asked for a second chance.

Jill’s immediate expectations are a place to live and a job to be able to buy food. Her life has been really rough. She deserves much more, so I designed an employer/landlord with a strong loving character. I gave her Mary, a character with flaws, but flaws that serve to draw Jill closer instead of driving Jill away. What traits, what actions could Mary do that would win Jill’s complete trust and respect?

“You excited about being here?” questions Mary.

 ‘More like worried out of my mind,’ thinks Jill. ‘I rushed to pack and leave before Josey came.’ 

“Yes, you can say that,” answers Jill.

“I have to tell you, I think you’re a courageous girl. I can’t imagine going out to a strange place myself, especially being as young as you are.” 

Jill thanks Mary for the compliment. 

“What else?” continues Mary. “What did you do for the summer?”

Jill breathes a sigh of relief. ‘The summer. I can tell her about that. I can tell her about working in the play.’ 

When Jill finishes, Mary prods for more information. “What about your family?” 

Jill feels her face turn bright red. She looks down so Mary can’t see her reaction. “I’m sorry, that’s personal, too personal,” mutters Jill.

“No, no. Pardon me. I never know when to stop asking questions. I apologize.”  After seeing Jill nod her acceptance, she adds, “Want another cup of tea?”  When Jill looks up and shakes her head, Mary tries another strategy to move away from her nosiness. “Say, would you like to see where you’ll be living?  It’s just upstairs.” Jill gratefully accepts the diversion.

In the excerpt below Mary shares a very private event in her life.

“You know, when you came to us last fall, Ed and I were so happy. It was as if our daughter had come home from college or something.” 

A puzzled look fills Jill. Mary has never talked about her children. No one had ever said anything about Mary and Ed having a child. 

“You remember when Ed and I said we missed you at our Thanksgiving dinner?” 

Jill nods, wishing that incident had been long forgotten. 

“We had hoped you felt like we were like a family to you. To us, you’re like the daughter that I almost had.”

Mary pauses, takes a deep breath, and wipes the tears that unexpectedly well up in her eyes. Jill waits patiently not knowing from where this is coming or how to respond.  Mary takes another deep breath before she continues with her story.

*   *   *

Jill slides her chair next to Mary. She wraps her arms around Mary. For a while they sit quietly absorbing the pain of Mary’s secret. Finally, Jill finds her voice.

“I take it this is a secret that only you and Ed have?”

“Until now. You’re the only other one who knows what really happened long ago.”

It seems like an hour to Jill before she works up the courage to ask, “I don’t want to sound insensitive, but why share such a private painful memory with me? I don’t understand.”

Red eyes look straight into Jill’s eyes. “Forgive me if I want to look at you as my daughter. I know I have no right. At the same time, from so many things that you have left unfinished or unsaid, I suspect something really painful must have happened to your mother or between you and your mother. Like me, you have no one with whom to confide. I can’t think of any other way to show you that I care for you very deeply.”

“I appreciate it. I really do.” Jill bows her head. “But I, but I don’t deserve it. I’ve done nothing to earn your trust.” Jill pauses before she ads, “or your love.”

Creating a best friend/mom for Jill is like making a birthday present for her.

haiku capsule:                 

mother-like welcome     

daughter in need of a friend

family bond born

    Next blog: Crafting a Parent   

Blessings Abound

Blessings Abound

  

Imagine a homeless, lonely teenager struggling to survive. She finds temporary relief and help from an old woman who runs a room-and-board facility. What good luck! Then the teen is connected to her grandmother, a person who she hasn’t seen in years. The grandmother lets her use a house she normally rents out. No charge. Lucky teen. The girl moves from Ontario to Alberta and lands a job and accommodation with a loving employer. Lucky!

Lady Luck seems to be good to the lonely teen. Having an alcoholic father who drove her to run away from home and a boyfriend’s brother who groped her forcing her to once again flee may indicate that Lady Luck isn’t all that good.

One way of looking at life is a person is subject to the whims of Lady Luck. In my novel, Baggage burdens., that is likely how the main character, Jill, sees her life. Given the effects of her challenging trials she may well feel that Lady Luck has it in for her.

Another impression is implied in Baggage burdens. Even though Jill has little regard for God, God is always present and caring for her. His shadow falls on her escape path when she seeks help from the woman who runs a room-and-board facility. The old woman can’t do much for Jill, but she does tap people in her church who connect Jill with her grandmother. A blessing? Jill’s Alberta employer is a member of the United Church. She loves Jill so much that Jill looks upon her as a substitute mother. The man Jill marries is part of a Christian community too. Even when Jill attends a Family conference in Chicago she ends up in the company of a man from the United Church.

The shadows of God’s presence aren’t recognized or valued by Jill. Such is the case in the lives of many people. God’s presence is unseen. His love is not noticed. Even if one attempts to credit God for his good work, Lady Luck is often given the recognition. Consequently turning to God for help in troubling times isn’t seen as an option. Forget belief in prayer.

In the excerpt below Jill is trying to find the words to ask her son to forgive her. She can’t.

“Something wrong?”

“I don’t think I can do it,” Jill confesses. “Whatever I come up with sounds like I’m making excuses. That’ll never work.”

“The fact that you can recognize what doesn’t work proves you will come up with the right words. And if you don’t, don’t worry. No one is perfect. You can do it. I’m sure of it. Trust me.”

“I don’t know.”

“Jill, you really have to work on that trust. Believe me when I say I know you can do it.”

“But I don’t want to blow it.”

“Do you want help?”

“You can’t tell me what to say. It has to come from me.”

“You’re right, but I know how I can help you come up with the right words.”

“How?”

 “Prayer.”

“Prayer?”

“Yes. Pray. I’ll ask God to lead you in your talk with Daniel.”

“I don’t know.”

“You sound like Moses when he said to the Lord that he didn’t have the ability to speak to pharaoh. Remember. God gave him the ability he needed.”

“That’s in the Bible. That’s a long time ago.”

“You don’t think it happens today?”

“Not to my knowledge. I’ve never heard anyone claim that God inspired them to say anything of value.”

Knowing you can count on someone is helped by being aware of their past successes with you. If that is the case, when else could Jill have been aware that the Lord was walking with (helping) her?

haiku capsule:                 

lack of self confidence     

prayer untapped source for help

lost sheep needs shepherd

    Next blog: Adopt a Parent