A Reader's Challenge

A Reader’s Challenge

How much sympathy can you have for a girl who spends a good part of her adolescent life in a house with an abusive alcoholic father? For how long would you be willing to stand by her? Past untreated fears and feelings of being a victim can create stress for the future spouse and children. The created strains and disappointments erode a compassion bank. In the face of the new tensions the cause of a wife’s or mother’s anguish is forgotten or dismissed. From such an irritating person many would choose to back away. Many would want to hear no more, see no more. If you know or are reminded of the origin of a troubled person’s mental challenges would you be able to continue to support her? This is the challenge faced by the author in real life and the reader in my novel, Baggage burdens. 

While the reader has knowledge of the violent home life that forced Jill to run away from home before she graduated, Jill’s husband, Joseph, and her children don’t know it. That lack of Jill’s background intensifies frustrations. Siding with the husband and children is easier for the reader. Feeling unsympathetic to Jill is natural. In real life we frequently don’t know the cause of a person’s odd, seemingly unexplainable actions. However, the reader of this novel knows better. Does that knowledge really make a difference? 

A memory of a fight with Jill’s father interrupts. He hit first. Jill expected it. She struck back with all her might, hitting him in the face. The pain in her hand distracted her until his next blow sent her to the floor. His knee pinned her. A fist to Jill’s stomach ended her resistance. Like a popped balloon, her energy vanished. A heavy hand grabbed her hair. 

The memory of that pain returns when Jill’s comb catches a tangle. 

Jill’s father dragged her away from the furniture. Slaps pelted her. Jill’s blurred vision detected her mother’s determined face. A crystal vase crashed on her father’s head. An ink-black minute ended the torment.

Later Jill’s mother told her that she swung as hard as she could to stop Frank. She pulled Jill out from under him. While they waited for the police, she wiped the blood off Jill’s face. This was the first time the police were called. A compromise to charges was an apology and promises not to ever hit anyone again.

 “Are you sure you can’t come down to see your grandmother?” asks Julie.

“Now? Yes. Maybe next year, during the summer.”

 “It’s not about the money, is it? Because if it is, Josey said she’d pay for everything.”

“No,” lies Jill. “I told you I have to be here for my children. And I have a job to return to.” After Jill reiterates her excuses, she becomes suspicious. “Why would Josey be concerned about my financial situation anyway?” she asks. “What did you tell Josey about me?”

“She knows about your accident. And I told her that you were recovering. Remember? I saw you before I left.”

“That doesn’t have anything to do with financial troubles.” Jill sees Julie fidgeting. “Is that all?” Jill leans forward, intent to find out what else Julie is hiding.

“You know you were in a coma for several weeks,” pleads Julie. “I had to tell Josey that. If I didn’t, she would never have forgiven me. And telling her you were conscious was good news. She needed to hear that.”

Still working at the notion that Josey thinks she has financial concerns, Jill challenges Julie. “What else did you report? You didn’t tell her I was divorced, did you?”

Leaning back as if to avoid being hit, Julie answers, “Yes, I did.”

“You didn’t!” Jill instantly blurts out. She looks down ashamed. Her shortcomings are exposed to the most respected person in her life. 

 “I didn’t have much choice, Jill. When you quit eating and I saw those pills on your night table––I really didn’t know what to think. I needed help. . . . I had to talk to someone.”

“I can’t believe it.” Jill’s words bounce off the floor. “How long have you been spying on me?” Jill refuses to look at her niece.

“Jill! That’s not fair! We’re not your enemies. We both love you. We just want to be there fo––”

“How long?” Jill’s demand clearly states she only wants to hear one more thing. Silence follows until Jill’s eyes target Julie’s forehead. “How long?”

haiku capsule:                                                                                      

adolescent scars

family friction flareups

one’s endurance test

Next blog:  Muddied Waters

Why settle for excerpts of Baggage burdens.? 

Order the e-book from kindle or kobo now or your soft cover from Amazon.

Let me know what part you found enjoyable.  callingkensaik@gmail.com

Death at the Doorstep

Death at the Doorstep

Knowing your days are numbered clarifies what’s really important to you. Perhaps I should say who’s really important.  A serious accident or confirmation of a terminal illness rarely leaves one with the opportunity to appeal the altered timeline. All you have left to decide is how you will live your final days or months if you are a little bit lucky. Equally life changing is when you learn that someone close to you has learned that death is on the doorstep. Such a circumstance knocks Frank down in my novel, Baggage burdens. He learns cancer has cut his wife’s life short. 

Frank has consistently denied he was addicted to alcohol and smoking even after his wife, Alice, moves out of their house. Her love for Frank leads her to keep phone contact with him, but his drinking and smoking behavior remains unchanged. Once he learns that cancer has put Alice in the hospital he recognizes what is really important. He changes in ways that surprises people like Josey, his mother-in-law.

“Then Alice became ill,” says Josey. “There were tests and tests and tests. Eventually, we learned she had lung cancer. When she was hospitalized, Frank spent every minute that he wasn’t at work with her. Near the end, he took a long-term leave and stayed with Alice day and night. What surprised me is he quit drinking. Quit smoking too. Completely. No stepping out for a drag and then returning. One of the times that I convinced Frank to go downstairs and get something to eat, Alice explained his changed behavior. She said Frank was praying for her recovery. He promised God that if she recovered, he would never touch another cigarette or drink again.”

Guessing what Jill was about to say, Josey says, “Yes, yes, I know. That wouldn’t turn things around. Alice said she thought it was his way of saying that he would do anything to help her. ‘He really does love me,’ your mom said. I let my bias about his drinking blind me to the possibility that he was capable of any love. I didn’t think he had it in him.”

He loved her! Mom loved him. Impossible, thinks Jill. 

“When I first saw him adopt his abstinence role, I thought he was trying to punish himself.”

“Punish himself! For what?” Jill leans forward, eager for an explanation.

“His smoking. I thought he blamed himself for Alice getting lung cancer because he smoked. Maybe that’s the case. I don’t know, but I suspected that was his motivation.”

“But you don’t think so any longer?”

“The time I saw him at the hospital, he seemed to be a completely changed man. He was considerate, caring. No hint of anger. It’s almost like he reverted to the time when he was courting her. Maybe he realized he was about to lose the most important thing in his life. I honestly think if he could have traded places with her, he would have.”

In response to Jill’s look of surprise, Josey says, “Yes. Me too. I found it hard to believe. I guess you had to be there to see it.”

Jill shakes her head in disbelief. This is not the man I knew. Maybe Josey was not in a clear emotional frame of mind to assess Father accurately.

“I don’t blame you for not believing me,” says Josey. “Maybe you’ll believe Kathy. Her opinion of him changed too.”

haiku capsule:                                                                                      

prognosis––death soon

our days together––numbered

I love you the most

Next blog: A Reader’s Challenge

Why settle for excerpts of Baggage burdens.? 

Order the e-book from kindle or kobo now. 

Let me know what part you found enjoyable.

Pain of Forgetting

PAIN of FORGETTING

Where did I put my keys? When is her birthday? Sure hate it when my memory fails me.What did you say your name was? That can be embarrassing, especially if it isn’t the first time you have to ask for the person’s name. Alzheimer’s in your family? You know that fear every time you forget something. Losing your memory soon is so unsettling. I know. I experience that haunting feeling. I remember the pain my mother went through when she failed to recall where she placed the cash from her pension cheque. I like to think I’m close to being a normal person. For me those ghosts of you’re losing it, soon fade away. 

What if you were a person who has a poor self-image? Well, you don’t have to guess what that would be like. By reading about Frank in my novel, Baggage burdens.the reader will see the torture that plagues him. Unfortunately, those effects cause Jill and her sister to suffered too. 

“Jill, what I’m going to tell you next you can’t tell another living soul.” 

Jill’s puzzled look nudges Kathy’s explanation. 

“I promised Mom I would tell no one else but you. Mom insisted if I told you, you would promise to tell no one else. She doesn’t want this to get back to Josey.”

Jill quickly agrees and adjusts her body to face her sister.

“Mom told me that at heart Father had an inferiority complex. It mostly disappeared when he became known as a wizard with engines. That changed a few years after I was born. He doubted he could be a good father.”

The explanation that Alice shared with her eldest daughter was that Frank began comparing himself with other fathers at work. The ones that caught his ear were men who had sons, sons who were older and could horse around with their father in various sports activities. In his mind taking his daughter to church, out for ice cream or to the show was a non-event. Frank had nothing to share. Kathy didn’t play piano, dance or sing. He felt like he wasn’t connecting with his children, he couldn’t relate to them. He had nothing to talk about. His inferiority complex kicked in. He concluded he was an inadequate father. 

Frank retained an element of his self-respect by excelling at work and being the life of the party. On a normal day Frank returned home for dinner and talked to his daughters about their interests and their friends. 

“Remember the first school play you asked us all to attend?”

Jill nods.

“Well Father encouraged many of his friends at work to come. He said you were in the play. He failed to realize that you worked on the play. You were a set designer. His friends later asked him which character you were. He had to admit he was wrong. You weren’t an actor. He felt so embarrassed. He didn’t even remember the nature of your involvement in the play. Mom said it took a long time after that before he tried to know what our school involvements were. Later she learned he'd been teased about how little he knew about his children.” 

Because of his fragile father self-image, his mistake shattered his recovering image of a good father.

haiku capsule:                                                                                      

Oh no! I forgot!

My pension money––it’s gone!

Alzheimer’s knocking

Nextblog: Death at the Doorstep

Resisting Temptation

Resisting Temptation

How can you resist a discounted sale––75% off? Wow! Maybe your weakness is a hotdog. The tickling mustard aroma says, “I’ve got to have one now.” Can’t help turning your head after an attractive, smiling women walks by?  Ever have a burning urge to get even after you’ve been humiliated? The kinds of temptations are as varied as the kinds of people. What’s really important are the factors that influence one to maintain self-control. For a particularly powerful temptation more than one factor may be needed. 

Daniel, in my novel, Baggage Burdens., is burning with anger. He sees his mother pushing the family to move into the city. She must change her mind. His overwhelming urge is to tell Jill, his mother, what he thinks of her request. Actually he’d really like to blast her for her selfish wish. What can possibly rein in his fury? His father’s respect? His girlfriend’s advice? His promise to keep certain information a secret? A hope that reason will prevail? Which pressure or combination of pressures could motivate his self-control? To make the right prediction, consider Daniel’s emotional state.

 Daniel mounts his horse and looks back at Thomas, who is still standing by the table. With a quick smile and a second wave, Daniel rides to Eve’s at a fast trot. With each minute that passes, he fights the thought that his mother is a selfish person. How can she not see what her desires are doing? How can she be so single-minded? How can his father not see how unrealistic she’s being? By the time he reaches the Wicksberg residence, he’s boiling. Something has to be done. Talking to his mother is the key, but what can he say? His promise to Thomas means he can’t show he knows about the loan.  

No sight of Eve. Daniel’s eyes rove over the front lawn. Eve calmly walks out to meet him. Her relaxed spirit cools his internal fires. 

The clothes she wears suggests she is out to impress. Gone is her everyday around-the-house attire. Eve’s confident stroll implies everything is under control in her world.

She looks up at the boy she intends to marry. He hasn’t asked her yet, but she knows he will. Eve’s father and mother both approve of Daniel.

Eve admires this tall, straight-seated horseback rider. Once he surprised her by a strongdefenseof his mother after several male classmates poked fun of her. She knewabout Daniel’s low opinion of Jill. Eve guessedDaniel’s actions rose out of his respect for his father. She treasures that family commitment. 

Pointing away from her family’s house, he whispers, “Let’s walk.” 

He’s really troubled. Must be something confidential. After several long minutes, she asks what is troubling him.

“The rumors are true.” After a long pause, Daniel adds. “Dad has financial problems.”

Eve grasps the impact of the disturbing revelation. Daniel has always thought very highly of his father. He could do anything he sets his mind to. Money was never a concern.

“What makes you think so?” 

In a low voice, Daniel says, “I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

In the same low voice, she says, “And I won’t tell anyone.”

“Not even your parents.” He looks directly at Eve.

“Not even my parents.”

“My dad asked Thomas for a loan.” Daniel releases the information like water rushing down a drain when the plug is pulled.“The bank’s mortgage isn’t high enough.”

After a brief silence, Eve whispers, “Did Thomas let him have it?”

“A loan? No. Thomas gave the money as a gift. He said they’re like family.”

For the first time ever, Eve sees tears in Daniel’s eyes. “It’s not fair. It not fair. He’s such a good man.” Looking at Eve, he adds, “You know Dad said he’d drive me to school every day so I wouldn’t have to take homeschooling from my mother?”

“I know. You told me.”

“And now he’s broke. He’s broke because of that stupid house my mother wants. He has to borrow extra money.”

“It’s only a temporary thing. And it’s good that he has people like Thomas who are willing to help.”

“But it shouldn’t have happened. It’s all my mother’s fault.” Daniel takes a deep breath. Tension drains as if he lanced a boil that has been burning him. The peace is short-lived. “She doesn’t have to choose the most expensive house. She doesn’t even have to move. It’s almost like she has blinkers on. All she can see is her own narrow self-interests. She can’t see the trouble she’s causing for the rest of us—Dad driving me to school, Amber boarding her horse here, Dad unhappy about moving to the city. It’s just not fair.”

“But there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s what your dad wants to do.”

“Maybe there is. Maybe, if I can convince my mother that the move is more trouble than it’s worth. Maybe she’ll change her mind, or maybe she’ll agree to a different house.”

“Well, if you’re pleading, you’ll have to change your tone. Challenging her desire to move will anger her, and you’ll end up upsetting your father.”

“I know. But it’s like your father says: just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should do it.”

 haiku capsule:                  

a burning anger                

emotionally charged time

bridle is needed. 

            Nextblog: PAIN of FORGETTING

S T R E T C H I N G the Good Times

  S t r e t c h i n g

the Good Times

          

For good times think holidays. That isn’t the only kind of good time, but it is an easy example with which to work. Holidays are good for a number of reasons: a change is as good as a rest; escape from a taxing daily routine; or a chance to see or do something that you would not ordinarily do. An event, say a two-week-camping trip, is enjoyable. By itself, that experience is a short-changed pleasure. If you are extremely busy maybe that’s all you can squeeze out of your schedule. If not, then explore two other options to expand the satisfaction of the holiday. Those options? Plan and anticipate the event. Two after the event review and record the highlights in an album, a power point, or on Facebook. An annual celebration of an event like a family reunion enables the joys to live on for years.

In my novel, Baggage Burdens. expanding the joy of some good times brings about a needed balance to stressful lives. One such example occurs when Jill suggests to Joseph, her husband, that the family goes to Disneyland for spring break. Here’s how each of them increases the hours of joy from their Disney holiday.

After reminding Joseph how much fun they had in Hawaii, Jill introduces the possibility of the family going to Disneyland. “It could be a family Christmas present that we take in mid-March.”

Seeing no hint of disapproval, she asks if she should do the research so they can discuss it in more detail the following week. He agrees. The next day, Jill looks into accommodations, flights, and surrounding attractions. She doesn’t Google Disneyland. She’d already done that before asking Joseph about the holiday. A possible itinerary and a budget are prepared.

Jill's presentation begins with the thrills she knows will excite the children. Hoping they’ll stay a whole week, she shows other highlights—Universal Studios, the Pirate Dinner, the Medieval Times Dinner, the San Diego Zoo, and Safari Park and Sea World in San Diego. She eyes Joseph, trying to gauge his reaction. He only asks a few questions. A slight smile encourages her to continue. Nervously, she scrolls to the page with the estimated costs. Without a word, she slides the screen in front of him and studies his reaction.

His eyes are fixed on the screen. She lets him digest the numbers.

He reads so slow.

She says, “Of course we don’t have to do everything that’s on the list. I thought I should give you the whole picture so we could decide what we most wanted to do. What do you think?”

When he finally looks up, he’s smiling. Jill is relieved.

“You really enjoyed putting this presentation together, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” says Jill, impatient for his decision.

“I’ll bet the children would enjoy doing this kind of research.”

Jill agrees.

“I suppose after Christmas they can put together some kind of scrapbook of their research of what they can expect to see when we go. Then they can have the same thrill you had. It would be a great way of extending their excitement.”

Together, Amber and Sarah flip the box over, pulling the rest of the Christmas wrapping paper off. They find a CD, which Jill taped to the bottom.

The three children crowd around the little desk by the living room wall. Impatiently they urge the computer to reveal its secret. Jill’s opening slide in her PowerPoint announces “A Family Holiday in March.” Shouts of joy greet the second slide. It shows the entrance to Disneyland. Succeeding slides of Disney theme parks and reviews steal the desire for breakfast.

The following Wednesday and Sunday evenings open briefly. The whole family gathers around the computer and researches what they can look forward to when they fly to Anaheim.

A kaleidoscope of photos of Disneyland, Sea World, Medieval Times Dinner, and the San Diego Zoo appear, sparking stories of fun and laughter. The rich resource of captured memories provides the material that the children use to create their own PowerPoint expressions of their March holiday, expressions that serve to entertain Daniel and Eve, Thomas and Rebecca, Mary and Ed, and Bill.

Several times during the summer holidays, Bill sees their PowerPoint files. He enjoys their work so much that Amber creates a DVD and gives it to him. In response, he invites the family out for dinner.

 haiku capsule:                 

creating albums         

power point presentations

reliving good times.

            Next blog::  Resisting Temptation