A Challenging Church Diamond

A Challenging Church Diamond

The church as a beautiful gem, free of stains––is that a reality? In God’s eyes, because of Christ’s death, yes. In the eyes and memory of people in the larger community the church can be seen as a multi-stained, dirty, old garment.

In the novel, Baggage burdens., Jill sees the Orthodox Community Life church in rural Camrose as intolerant and oppressive. Yet frequently she’s the recipient of their compassion.

Considered the church as a golden goblet encircled with clusters of jewels. Can a few lackluster gems blanket bright white lights that leap from other gems on the drinking vessel?

Orthodox Community Life Church Experiences

Bill nods imagining the positions taken. Amber’s love for her mother means she’d defend Jill passionately. Daniel, embarrassed by his mother’s behaviors, would do his best to keep any news about his mother quiet. Daniel had told Bill that members of the Orthodox Community Life Church frequently expressed sympathy for Daniel and Joseph. The members saw Jill as a headstrong, willful woman who wouldn’t mind her husband. Some felt even angels would find Jill too challenging.

(after Jill’s still born child)

“If you ask me, I think the Lord is punishing Mrs. Kreshky. Raising four children, caring for a husband--that’s a handful. Never mind playing school teacher.”

“Maybe the Lord is trying to slow her down. Get her to have a more manageable load,” responds a person whom Jill can’t recognize.

“I can’t understand why she can’t get that right?” continues Mrs. Wicksberg.

After they leave, Jill sits quietly sobbing in a cubicle in the church washroom.

(after Jill’s first born child)

“You know, Ruth Pashka said in the future if we’re looking for babysitters she has some suggestions?”

Yes, Gerda was saying the same thing to me too. I can’t believe how helpful the women are now. Before it was like I had an infectious disease. They seemed afraid to talk to me.” Jill shrugs.

 “I know what you mean. Before I married you, it always felt like the women were watching me anytime I came near their daughters. It felt like they were trying to protect their kids from some foreigner.”

“I guess we’ve passed the grade,” laughs Jill, placing her empty glass on the table.

Joseph remembered being nervous when he spoke to Ron about the comment made by Nathan, his son. Nathan was the boy who asked Daniel why his mother hated everybody. Ron’s response was, “well, doesn’t she? She refuses to send her daughter to our school, like it’s not good enough for Amber. I figure she hates our way of life. She doesn’t want Amber to be contaminated by our ways.”

Ron’s boldness shocked Joseph. “Then why are we still sending Daniel to the church school?” Joseph asked. It was the first defense he could come up with.

“That too may change. Just mark my words.” Ron’s response was swift.

“I’ve told Daniel, and I’ll tell you or anyone else. If Daniel wants to attend the church school, then he can.”

Joseph felt Thomas’ hand rest gently on his shoulder.

‘I’ll bet Thomas is afraid I’ll explode,’ thought Joseph.

 “But there’s a logic to what you say Ron.” Joseph’s surprising statement lowered tension in Thomas’ workshop where Thomas and Joseph had finished assembling end tables for Ron. “I admit Jill’s actions on the surface sure don’t make her look good.”

“For sure,” seconded Ron confidently.

“On the other hand there might be another possible logic.”

Joseph waited for Ron’s reaction. Ron didn’t ask what it might be, but remained attentive.

“Maybe Jill loves her daughter so much that she just wants to spend as much time as she can with her. Even if her action may not be the best, it’s hard to fault that kind of motivation. Wouldn’t you agree?”

This time Joseph waited for a response. Ron grunted, “yeh.”

“That second line of thinking puts Jill in a positive light, wouldn’t you say? If we are called to love our neighbor as our self and protect their good name, which line of logic do you think would be more pleasing to the Lord, some grumblers in the church or the one I just described?”  Thomas’ patting Joseph on the shoulder encouraged Ron’s nod.

“Some people in the church questioned your values, your priorities when you started taking your education courses. The suspicion was that you were taking time away from your children and your husband. Joseph’s support for you put those concerns on the back burner. But when you sacrificed being with Amber and the children for last week’s birthday party, the question of your priorities resurfaced.”

While Jill doesn’t voice her objection, her face burns. She straightens herself out in her chair. ‘I had too much left to study. What’s wrong with me wanting to improve myself anyway?’ To keep from speaking her mind Jill reminds herself. ‘Rebecca’s only telling me what others are saying. She’s not acting as their representative.’

“Anything else I should know that’s floating around?” Jill keeps her voice calm.

“You’re known as one who works really hard at what ever you do. It’s reasoned that would be the case for your studies too. Soooo,” Rebecca debates finishing. “So, some wonder why you can’t just to count on the Lord to guide you through the exams.”

‘They just can’t accept me for who I am.’ Jill’s conclusion sticks in her head: They can’t accept me for who I am. ‘And maybe I can’t accept me for who I am, a school dropout. But I’ll have fixed that. I’ll have my diploma. I’ll be worthy of respect. If that doesn’t work––too bad. I’ll respect myself.’

Joseph decides to break the silence that’s building like a threatening thundercloud ready to dump its contents. “If anyone thinks my children are neglected by Jill, then let them ask Daniel or Amber or me. What they might learn is that Jill works so hard that she satisfies all of us—the children, herself, and me. That should suggest she should be held in awe.” Joseph leaves his chair, goes to Jill and puts his arm around her shoulder. He plants a kiss on her forehead.

What flashes of bright white light do you see in this church diamond?

haiku capsule:        

             woman’s role defined        

                               self or communal respect     

                               Lord’s light flickering

Next blog: Evangelist Spirit at Work

Church Diamonds

Church Diamonds

Diamonds are among the most favorite of jewelry used to mark someone special. Their quality is assessed by the diamond’s carat, clarity, color, and cut. Even the cut is analyzed by three factors: by brightness (internal and external white light reflected from the diamond; by fire (the scattering of white light into all the colors of the rainbow; and by scintillation (the amount of sparkle a diamond produces). Sound complicated? I agree. The size of my bank balance limits how much I want to analyze them. Still I enjoy the beauty that bursts from that precious stone.

At a wedding a bride is given a diamond ring. Her suitor shows the bride is someone special, dazzling. What a compliment!

You are a beautiful diamond! Your neighbor next door is a diamond. The person you work with is also someone special. Can’t see it? You should. The master craftsman himself, God, crafted each of us. How can we not be seen as special, at least to Him? If we are a diamond in His eyes, how can each of his creations, (you and I) not look at each other as special? What a way to bring about peace on earth!

Okay, so I have slipped into a statement of faith. I’ve accepted the Biblical comparison; Christ is the groom and we his bride, His adored diamonds. Is that such an unacceptable puddle into which to fall? I’m overlooking reality you might think? You and I are not perfect, even far from it. True. Only Christ can make such a claim. The rest of us are a work in progress. Like diamonds molded by tremendous heat and pressure, we are being shaped by the heat of conflict and monetary, peer or psychological pressures.

What about the church, the corporate body whose primary reason for existence is to worship God and love others as they love themselves? “A diamond?” you ask. Many times its flaws are glaring. It’s brightness, its internal and external white light is difficult to detect. Its sparkle is lack luster. Could it be that forces internally and externally are still at work perfecting this body? Could it be that the church’s past failures blind people to the tiny internal white lights shining within?

Let’s see. The novel, Baggage burdens.,  reveals a few diamonds. Join me in admiring some protestant churches found in Oshawa.

The table creaks as Gramma Maxell leans on it to go to the stove to turn the burner off. Her walk to the stove is unsteady.

Jill wishes she had volunteered to get the kettle. She watches as Mrs. Maxwell picks up the teapot, drops a tea bag, pours in the hot water, and produces a teaspoon from the drawer to her left. The clock on the wall near the hallway entrance loudly proclaims each passing second. Shuffling slippers return to the table. “So, you still have no job.”

Jill nods. 

“And no place to sleep tonight.”

Jill nods again.

“Or the following night?” 

Jill looks down shaking her head. 

“I see.” 

Silence shouts at Jill. She realizes she asked to stay the night, but her stay could be longer. ‘She won’t accept me. She’s searching for an alternative place for me to sleep. Could Robin be home yet?’ 

“Jill.”

‘She’s going to turn me out now.’ Jill hears the tea pouring into the cups. 

“Jill.” Mrs. Maxwell waits until Jill looks at her. 

Tears blur Jill’s vision.

“I want to thank you for showing that you thought you could trust me. I’m sure this wasn’t easy.” She pauses for a few seconds. 

Jill wraps her hands around the teacup, absorbing its heat. 

“I have to tell you there isn’t very much I can do for you.” Mrs. Maxwell pauses.

‘Oh no, no.’ Jill can’t believe that she will be asked to leave when she finishes her tea. She shivers.

“If you don’t mind, I can bring you a pillow and a blanket and let you sleep in the parlor tonight. The couch isn’t very comfortable, but at least it’s warm.”

Jill smiles. As Mrs. Maxwell continues, Jill sips her tea.   

 “For a longer term solution I would like to refer you to Mrs. Robertson. She helps manage the Home-Away-From-Home project. Have you heard of that before?” Reading Jill’s furrowed brow, Mrs. Maxwell elaborates. “Protestant churches in the area fund a couple of houses to provide shelter, some food, and counseling for young people who have serious problems. I expect Mrs. Robertson will be in church later this morning. I’d like to talk to her about your situation. I know she’ll do everything she can for you. She’s done this kind of work for several years. Will you let me talk to her? See if she can help?”

Gramma Maxwell reflects a beautiful white light. She has no spare room in her boarding house for Jill, but she taps her only remaining resource, her parlor so Jill isn’t turned out into the night. Gramma Maxwell has acted as a counselor for other young people, but Jill’s situation is beyond her ability.  She turns to another colorful light in the church, Mrs. Robertson. The diamond’s white light reflects other rainbow colors, other people in the church, who use their talents to help young people. In the same way Mrs. Robertson looks others in her church and neighboring churches to care for young people in Oshawa.

It would seem God has sparkling gems in Oshawa. Together they display their love for others. Do you agree?

haiku capsule:        

             needy teenager        

                               too much for one to handle     

                               church to the rescue

Next blog: A Challenging Church Diamond

An Earned Holiday Break

An Earned Holiday Break

Remember leaving school at the end of June? What a great feeling! No more classes. No more tests or homework. You’re confident you’ve aced your diploma exams. Time is all your own. You can pursue any hobby you desire. Life can’t get much better.

In my novel, Baggage burdens., that’s the joy Jill experiences as she suntans on the upper balcony of her grandmother’s house. She has excelled in the summer school course and is now free to pour her energy into an area of her passion, drama. Living in her grandmother’s two-story house makes her feel safe and cared for until––

By early August Jill is thankful for Josey. Her rescuing deeds far exceed Jill’s wildest hopes. Jill had worked hard on her English course, which her grandmother had arranged by enrolling her in a summer course in Brampton. Exams are finished. She aced that course. In celebration she claims the upper veranda deck at her grandmother’s red brick house in Brampton for her private sun-tanning haven. Singing wind chimes that hang from the soffit at the end of the deck sooth her spirit.

As her grandmother’s Santorini mobile souvenir comes into focus, she sees a light blue boat with white sails gliding in the late morning breeze. Half a dozen glistening glass dolphins suspended from the bottom of the boat held by an almost invisible tackle line, dart about as if they’re playing in the sea. Eight silver pencil-thin metal pipes dance around ringing out their laughter like children on a summer beach.

“Ah-h-h, heaven! I could stay here forever,” revels Jill reminiscing about her summer. Hearing her words, urges Jill to praise her grandmother next time she visits.

‘Gram, you’re so wonderful.’ The review of her last two months leads Jill to appreciate her grandmother’s ability of being able to do anything she sets her mind to. Neither her mother nor her father demonstrated that talent. ‘If I could only be like Gram. Someday, maybe.’

Returning to her holiday spirit, Jill sinks her head into the soft lounger cushion. Eyes close. She absorbs the sun’s rays, deepening the tan on her legs, arms and stomach. ‘Enjoy this, while I can.’ At two o’clock she plans to leave for the Brick Theatre, home of the Creative Arts Society of Brampton.

‘I moved here at just the right time. What a blessing!’ Had Jill known of their need earlier, she’d have volunteered. Working in a theatre was a dream she gave up on when she ran away from home. ‘Now I have spending money too.’ The part time job required she work four hours a day, four days a week.

The people at the theatre had enthusiastically welcomed Jill. They even drafted her to play a small part in the production. Besides sewing costumes and painting scenes, the set designers eagerly accepted her input on stage settings. Hearing how sound effects enriched the performance amazed Jill. 

‘In September I’m definitely going to join the society. Then I can take their fall play production course. No charge.’

Jill rolls over so she doesn’t burn. ‘Unbelievable! What a wonderful summer this has been!’ Soaking in the do-nothing atmosphere becomes first priority again. The sun’s heat coaxes Jill to close her eyes.

Rolling on to her back Jill knocks the album off her lounger. It’s bang tugs Jill out of her nap in time to hear the phone ring.

 ‘Don’t answer it.’ Vaguely she senses disturbing news. She cringes as if a frosty puff of cold air slides over her body.

It’s Josey. “Jill, I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to make it to see the Brick Theatre’s performance Saturday. Don’t worry. I’ll be down Labor Day Monday,” adds Josey sounding a little excited. “I have a surprise for you. An old friend, a special friend, wants to come down and see you.” 

Robin momentarily flashes to Jill’s mind.

“He said he had to work on Saturday so we agreed to come down on Monday.”

“Dave,” gasps Jill in disbelief. “How did he find me?”

The perfect time to accent hell is on the doorstep is during a character’s joyful mood. For Jill living at her grandmother’s house is like heaven (Ah-h-h, heaven!).

Then, into this sanctuary a serpent message is delivered by the one she trusts the most, her grandmother–– (He said he had to work on Saturday so we agreed to come down on Monday.). Her mood plummets like she fell from a thirty-story building.

haiku capsule:        

             classes are over!        

                               balcony sun tanning time     

                               holiday crashes.

Next blog: The Straw that Broke the Camel’s Back

Take A Chance

Take a Chance

Spend five bucks or even one hundred on a lottery ticket. Why not take a chance? You might win. Really, there is no risk. Once you spend the money you know it’s lost, gone forever. Taking a real chance means accepting a substantial risk. Reveal a past indiscretion to someone means you’re open to being hurt. That’s a real risk, a risk that Jill, in my novel, Baggage burdens., could not understand. How can anyone do that?

Reduced potential harm. Choose a person you can trust. Boyfriend Joseph, employer and friend Mary, and acquaintance Bill, saw Jill as an understanding, caring person. They took a chance. They revealed a sensitve incident in their past.

“You know,” begins Joseph. He pauses and swallows. “You know, Uncle Mike left me two-thirds of his land.” Surprise crosses Jill’s face. “I only visited him a few times, and he gave me two-thirds of his land! I was only twenty-one. His will said I was like a son to him. Uncle Mike never married.” 

Tears flood Joseph’s eyes again. They stop walking. Jill wraps both her arms around Joseph and holds him until she hears him whisper her name. 

He steps back. “I’d like to tell you something.” He pauses. “It’s very, very personal, and I’m afraid it may turn you off.  If it bothers you, promise you’ll pretend I never said anything?”

Jill provides a cautious response. “I’ll try. What is it?”

Joseph holds both her hands in his. “I’m afraid I might end up like Uncle Mike. I’ll die alone, unmarried, without children.”

Jill shakes her head. “No, you’re too nice a person.”

“So was Uncle Mike.

“You remember when Ed and I said we missed you at our Thanksgiving dinner?” 

Jill nods, wishing that incident had been long forgotten. 

“We had hoped you felt like we were like a family. To us, you’re like the daughter that I almost had.”

Mary pauses, takes a deep breath, and wipes the tears that unexpectedly well up in her eyes. Jill waits patiently not knowing from where this is coming or how to respond.  Mary takes another deep breath before she continues with her story.

“Before Ed and I started going out together, I became pregnant. The father-to-be dumped me. He wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I was afraid to let my parents know. They’d have been devastated. I had no one to turn to. No one to talk to. Then Ed, who I hadn’t really paid much attention to, guessed I was in some kind of trouble. At the time I felt I just had to talk to somebody. He was there for me. He was so understanding; so accepting. He agreed to secretly help me get an abortion.” 

Jill takes a deep breath.

“I lost what would have been my daughter, but––” she pauses to wipe more tears away.  “But I also lost the opportunity to ever have a child again.” 

Jill slides her chair next to Mary. She wraps her arms around Mary. For a while they sit quietly absorbing the pain of Mary’s secret. Finally, Jill finds her voice.

“I take it this is a secret that only you and Ed have?”

“Until now. You’re the only other one who knows what really happened long ago.”

“At first I didn’t want to come to this conference.” Bill stops and breathes deeply. “Pastor Williams said it was best for me and for Donna.”

Jill can’t imagine leaving any of her children alone in a hospital bed. Her first instinct is to challenge the pastor’s recommendation. Looking at Bill’s fragile state, she says, “How could he say such a thing?” Bill takes so long to respond that Jill wishes she could withdraw the question.

“When I visit Donna, I can’t just sit there and do nothing. I feel so useless. She almost never talks so I do all the talking. I tell her about what’s growing on the acreage and what I still need to do in terms of up keep. I tell her about my work at the Wellness Center and what I hope the people I counsel will do.”

Bill falls into silence.

“I told Donna about the church announcement of the Family conference. I guess I sounded too excited about it.”

After several deep breaths he begins. Words spill out in short phrases punctuated by deep inhaling.

“Every now and then––Donna gathers all her strength––like she has something important to say. A week before the registration deadline no one from our church volunteered. Donna said, ‘Go.’ I couldn’t believe it. She repeated––‘Go.’ I tried–– I tried to tell her my place was with her. She closed her eyes––I think she was pretending to sleep––she didn’t want to hear any more.” He shakes his head and looks down.

“I felt so guilty.” Tears interrupt Bill’s explanation. “Some how I must have indicated I’d really like be at the conference.” He still stares at the floor. His hand wipes his tears. “Could she have thought I preferred the conference to being with her? I couldn’t get rid of that suspicion.”

As Jill had done when Mary shared her abortion experience, she moves to the chair beside Bill and puts her arm around him.

“When I left Donna, I went straight to my pastor’s house. I told him what I had done, what Donna said. You know what he said? He said I should listen to Donna.”

Bill faces Jill. Looking into Jill’s eyes he searches for a sign of disapproval. How could he follow the pastor’s advice?

“Reverend Williams said there was nothing I could do to improve her situation. In fact, my very presence at Donna’s bedside everyday was more than likely a testimony of how her illness was crippling my life. He said, how do you think she feels about cutting into the joy of your volunteer work, of yard work?”

Bill shakes his head slowly. “I still wasn’t going to go. Then he promised he’d visit Donna everyday and phone and let me know if there was any kind of serious change in her condition.”

Bill pulls a way from Jill embarrassed. “I feel so selfish. Was I wrong?”

The instant Jill shakes her head he bows his head and cries.

The risk Jill’s friends took in trusting her, she could not return.

Her childhood experiences would not allow it.

haiku capsule:        

             personal secret        

                               just between the two of us     

                               now vulnerable

Next blog: Church Diamonds