Unappreciated Woman

Unappreciated Woman

In my novel, Baggage burdens., Alice Rezley is loved and appreciated by her mother, Josey Sommerfeld, but Alice’s daughter, Jill, dislikes her mother for defending her abusive father. Most of the time Frank, Alice’s husband, treats her like Alice is a live in cook and housekeeper. What gives Alice the strength to love her daughter and her husband in spite of their demeaning treatment?

To understand Jill’s dislike for her mother the reader must first be aware of Frank Rezley’s behavior when he returns home drunk.

Jill’s father takes a deep breath. “What the hell is this?” he demands pointing to the page titled Graduation Gowns.

“It’s nothing,” pleads Alice.

“You’re damn right it’s nothing. We’re not going to waste any money on any foolish dress she’s only going to wear once.” He launches himself out of the chair and rushes at Alice, shoving her hard into the wall. Her head hits starting a headache. It’ll last all night. He grabs her upper arms leaving red marks.

As he shakes her, she cries out, “Frank, you’re hurting me.” When she looks into his face, he blurts out, “You’re not going to buy anything like that. We can’t afford it. Do you hear me?”

“Yes, yes,” Alice answers.

Frank’s grip eases.

Frank reaches the coffee table and bellows, “Where’s the remote?” 

Alice remembers moving it to make room for Jill’s stage.

“Under the coffee table,” she calls back as she carries his slippers. Alice starts up the stairs. 

Frank doesn’t hear her.

“What’s this junk doing here?” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll put it away.” Alice guesses her husband is referring to Jill’s homework assignment on the coffee table.

“What’s the matter with that girl? Can’t she ever put her own stuff away?”

Frank bends over the table like a huge bear in a stream looking for fish. He raises his arm high. Then he bats the cardboard structure. Jill’s creation flies across the room and crashes into the far wall leaving a trail of debris.

“How am I supposed to find the remote?”

“Frank, that’s Jill’s homework assignment!” 

She tosses his slippers near the coffee table.

“The remote is by your slippers.”

Alice hurries to investigate the damage to Jill’s stage. 

Before Alice reaches the stage, she hears a howl of pain. Frank’s toes rammed into the coffee table leg slowing his pursuit of Alice. He reaches her, as she bends down and scoops up the model.  Alice crashes into the wall with Frank falling heavily against her.

“What do you think you’re doing?” 

“Trying to salvage Jill’s home work. What do you think?” Anger slips out of Alice before she realizes it.

“I’ll tell you what I think. I think you’re doing a poor job of raising that kid.” Frank shoves himself away from the wall, grabs Alice by her arms and shakes her. “How many times have I told you? Tell her to clean up when she’s finished.  How many times?”

Fear replaces Alice’s anger. Half crying, she answers, “I don’t know.”

“Too many times. That’s how many. Too many times.”

Gripped by fear Alice looks for a defense. “She doesn’t listen,” whines Alice, feeling overwhelmed. Pain pierces her arms. “I can’t control her.”

“Doesn’t listen,” shouts Frank.

“Yes,” she pleads in desperation, hoping he’ll release his grip, hoping she’ll escape blame.

Shortly after this event Jill runs away from home.

Jill is home from the hospital holding her new born in her arms and sitting before the fireplace.

“What are you up to Dan?” whispers Jill, as she adjusts his blanket. “Leave this on. I don’t want you to catch a cold. You know, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t want to lose you.”  She pauses, savoring the thought. ‘I’m a mother. And I’ll be the best mother in the world, unlike my mother.’ She closes her eyes and hums softly to Daniel.

“Daniel!” shouts Jill, trying to stop her son. “Show some respect. I’m your mother.” The words echo in Jill’s memory as she remembers her mother demanding she show respect for her father. A chill of guilt seeps into her. ‘Am I as bad as my father, needing my mother to demand respect?’

Here Jill is hit by two disturbing impressions. First she is uncaring like her father. Second she is like her mother demanding respect for someone who does not deserve it.

Jill frequently disagreed with how her mother dealt with her father’s drinking. Jill wanted her mother to take a firm stand against Frank; she wanted her mother to leave Frank. Alice disagreed and at times asked for patience from Jill. What hurt Jill most was her mother’s statement that Jill doesn’t listen and “I can’t control her.” Respect for Alice eroded.

‘I want to be, a good mother unlike my mother.’

Highlighted in the beams of the late morning sun is the Tylenol container. Last night’s image of the vodka bottle returns. ‘I’m not like my mother ignoring the conditions of my children.’ Her denial forces another perception. ‘No. I’m like my father drinking to avoid reality.’

 While Alice did eventually leave Frank to Josey’s surprise, Alice still kept in telephone contact with him. Alice’s source of strength? Her faith. She knew she was God’s treasured creation. No one could take that away from her. God loved her. She loved Frank. She loved Jill. They too were God’s treasured creations. That vital element in her life she tried to communicate to her husband and daughter by quoting on her tombstone part of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

haiku capsule

                                                                            frustrated daughter

                                                         violent father shielded

alienation

Next blog: Loving the Unlovable

Baggage Outweighs Reason

Baggage Outweighs Reason

Have you ever had to communicate a very important message (stop smoking or watch your language, or appropriate dress)? To make certain that your idea is understood logical steps are developed to arrive at a particular insight. The intended recipient understands each step of the presentation and agrees with conclusion. ‘Success!’ you think. A day or so later you discover the imparted wisdom has had no effect on behavior.

What gives! When an action defies reason one may attempt to guess the recipient’s motivation. Could their action be a rebellion? Were they forgetful or weak willed? Was the presentation flawed? Is there a higher value?

What would be your reaction? To a certain extent your response would depend upon whether you see the recipient as naturally good or naturally bad. In the example below in my novel, Baggage burdens., Bill is explaining why Jill shouldn’t feel indebted to those who help her.

“Having people do something extra for me, is kind of like doing me favors.”

“Something wrong with accepting favors?

“Yes. I once read an unreturned favor is like an unpaid debt. With everybody visiting me in the hospital and covering for me while I’m stuck here, it feels like I have a ton of debts. In a way it’s like I’m running a deficit budget. I’ll never be able to return the favors.”

“Have you thought of favors as being gifts?”

“Same thing.”

Jill’s quick response silences Bill for a while. His eyes narrow and he looks down.

“Hmmm.”

Jill’s curiosity spurs her. “What?”

Bill studies her face, trying to determine if she really wants to know what he has in mind.

“You love your children dearly. Right?”

“Yes.”

“And you love to do anything for them to make them happy?”

“Yes.”

“I expect that you haven’t been keeping a tally to figure out how much they owe you?”

“Of course not. They’re family.”

“I see,” says Bill dragging out his response as if he is carefully considering her answer.

“Immediate family?”

“Yes.”

“And what about favors from an extended family? Do you keep tabs on the number of favors or gifts they give you?” Jill’s puzzled look prompts Bill to add, “Would Julie still be considered family?”

“Yes.”

“So you don’t keep track of how many favors she’s done for you either?”

“No.”

“Now, what about close friends?”

Jill’s eyes squint as she tries to figure out where Bill is going with his last question.

“Thomas and Rebecca?” offers Bill. “Or are they part of the extended family, because they’re your children’s godparents?”

Jill thinks of the good deeds she’s received at the hands of Rebecca. How many, she doesn’t know, but she does feel in Rebecca’s debt. Never has Rebecca indicated she keeps count. Thinking of Rebecca’s latest offer of help, Jill answers.

“None of us keep records. Things are done to make the other happy.”

“Precisely! You do favors as gifts because you care an awful lot for each other.

“Yes.”

“So maybe you should reconsider being worried about all the favors people are doing for you while you’re in the hospital. Perhaps you can see them as expressions of love for you, as signs that they think you’re a wonderful person.”

“I think you’re pushing it now.”

“Pushing what?”

“I’m a wonderful person.”

“Ask them. You might enjoy their answers.”

“I think I’ll pass on that.”

“Well, at least consider not worrying about repaying favors.”

“Okay. I’ll give that some thought.”

Jill’s daughter confronts Jill about Jill taking a cab home from the hospital instead of taking a ride from Bill.

 “Bill helped us in so many ways. How could you? How could you ditch him?”

“For that very reason,” Jill fires back confident she is about to gain the upper hand. “He’s done so much for us. I’ll never be able to repay him. The worse thing I can do is add to that debt.”

Was Bill convincing? He thought so. When it was time for Jill to leave the hospital, her family was unavailable. Bill offered to give her a ride. Jill didn’t accept. 

What kind of a person do you think Jill sees her as?

What kind of person do you think Bill sees Jill as?

haiku capsule

                                                                            desire to be sure

                                                         step by step explanation

a wasted effort

Next blog: Unappreciated Woman

Protecting Your Traditions

Protecting Your Traditions

Being content. What a blessing! Right? When past decisions and actions provide for your needs and there are no problems worth tackling, you have it made. Learning something new means encountering new challenges. It also means struggling to solve new problems. Why look for trouble? Just keep the old ways. If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.

For a conservative minded community preserving their values and expectations means peace. Pride accompanies such a lifestyle choice. Their success gives rise to loyalty. 

What happens when new ideas or people infiltrate that group?

The Orthodox Community Life Church in my novel, Baggage burdens. discovered that sometimes welcoming strangers brings unexpected challenges. There was no trouble accepting Mike when he moved into their farming community. He remained on the fringes of the group. Adjusting to young Joseph, Mike’s nephew, proved to be more unsettling for the church and Joseph. In the long run his influence was beneficial for those with an open mind. Joseph came to understand and accept their values and behaviors. In an unthreatening way he used their values to question some of their actions. Others dislike his disciplining effect.

Jill’s arrival to the community created turmoil. She chose to live a set of values that served her needs. Her alternative lifestyle was received as an insult. A question arose––whose way was better, hers or theirs? Loyalty to traditional ways leads to tension. She was unwelcome. Jill's disturbing their peace proved accepting strangers is unwise.

The examples that follow show personal and communal pain. What was the cause of the pain––allowing strangers to join the community? Expecting complete adherence to the host’s lifestyle? Being unable to accept differences? Can the context in which these examples occur shed light on how tension could have been reduced?

Joseph holds both Jill’s hands. “I’m afraid I might end up like Uncle Mike. I’ll die alone, unmarried, without children.”

Jill shook her head. “No, you’re too nice a person.”

“So was Uncle Mike. You see I live in a community, no near a community, that while they accept me, I know they don’t trust me. They don’t want me near their daughters. It’s like they’ve spread the word that I’m a leper or something. I attend all their social events, and I go to their church, but there is always a multitude of chaperones around the girls when I’m around.  I’ve seen that’s not the case with other young guys.”

“Jill. I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten the suggestion you made about us moving to Camrose. As you can imagine, it is a difficult decision for me to make.” He sees Jill nodding. “You do still want to move, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Jill answers simply and without hesitation.

“Perhaps you can help me again appreciate why it is so important.” He faces Jill.

Jill thinks for a while. When she speaks, her words come out in a calm confident voice, as if she anticipated the request. “When we went out for dinner, our fourteenth anniversary, I asked you to explain why you decided that Daniel should continue going to the church school. Remember?”

Joseph nods.

“You said what makes Daniel happy is being with his friends.” Again Jill waits for Joseph to nod indicating he remembers. “That same idea applies to me. I don’t have any friends at your church. Oh, they tolerate me, but they aren’t my friends.

“Don’t you think I haven’t heard the whispers about me being head-strong, not knowing my place, feeling I’m too good for them. I’ve heard it all.” Decibels rise with Jill’s anger. I know they don’t like the fact that I took courses to improve myself and that I’m homeschooling my girls. I’ve tried to explain to them why I want to do it. The next week I hear the same people griping about the same thing. I might as well have been talking to a wall. If they think I’m going to change to suit them, they’re dead wrong. No one is going to control me.”

haiku capsule

        peace, stability

        a stranger, a new lifestyle

       Whose way is better?

Next blog: Baggage Outweighs Reason