Reflections: No sex!

Reflections:

No sex! Are you kidding?

No sex. Are you kidding?

What kind of man is Joseph in my novel, Baggage burdens.?  How could he put up with Jill’s insistence of no sex for a year or two?  It’s clear from Jill’s perspective Joseph desired her. (Shortly after their wedding Jill realized that the shy quiet man she married had a dormant insatiable sexual appetite. A few times while she washed dishes, he would trap her at the sink. She was the dish he wanted to dry. Both hands worked all over her. She thought Joseph took her ducking his advances as a game, a matching of wits. When he won, she was his prize.)

Jill was attractive. The number of young customers at Preszchuk’s bakery increased after Jill began working there. From Mary, Jill’s employer, the reader learns that Joseph eyed Jill’s breasts. Jill’s hair frequently draped her face, suggesting coyness, a trait that matched Joseph character. When Jill and Ben, Mary’s nephew, dated, Joseph almost gave up on winning Jill’s heart. Thomas, Joseph’s friend, encouraged Joseph to try harder.

Could it be that Joseph was so much in love with Jill that he would do anything she asked? She did offer a reasonable explanation for him not touching her.

“Does that mean I can move back to our bedroom?” Even before Jill speaks, her expression communicates the answer.

 “I’d rather you didn’t.” 

Joseph’s head lowers, his posture on the stool sags. 

Jill can’t tell Joseph about Greg. “Remember I once told you that my father’s touch made me cringe especially if it is made unexpectedly?” 

Joseph nods. 

“Well, at night, some times you touch me. Maybe your hand or your arm settles on me. I flinch, maybe not physically, but in my head. Then it takes some time for me to fall asleep. I try not to get irritated when you do that at night, or in the kitchen or the living room, but sometimes I can’t help it.”

“Like last night?”

“Yes.” Jill lies. She rewards Joseph with a quick hug.

While the length of time that Jill seeks not to be touched may seem unreasonable, love doesn’t need reason, just a sincere request.

Could it be that Joseph considered himself lucky that Jill chose to marry him and not Ben?

“You and Ben have been really going out a lot this last year, haven’t you--the Calgary Stampede, the rodeo and Heritage Days in Edmonton? And you went to the Rosebud Theatre again this summer,” says Mary.

“Yes, and sometimes we just go out to a restaurant in Camrose to be served instead of us serving at your special functions. He finds all kinds of interesting things for us to do.”

“Jill, what would you say if you heard Ben was planning to buy you a ring?

“An engagement ring?” Jill’s surprise catches Mary off guard.

“Well, you two have been going around together for a while, and having a good time.  Does it sound so strange that he might want to buy you a ring?”

Joseph was a simple farm boy who only left his country dwelling to do carpentry work in Camrose. With Ben on the scene what chance did he stand to be an alternative suitor for Jill? And yet Jill chose Joseph. How could Joseph do anything else but compile to Jill’s wishes?

 Was the prospect of being lonely sufficient to force Joseph to honor Jill’s wish not to engage in sex until she was ready?  He once did reveal to Jill a very private fear. 

Tears flood Joseph’s eyes again. They stopped walking. Jill wrapped her arms around Joseph and held him until she heard him whisper. He stepped back so he could clearly see her face.

 “I’d like to tell you something.” He paused as if debating whether he should reveal any more of himself. “It’s very, very personal, and I’m afraid it may turn you off.  If it bothers you, promise you’ll pretend I never said anything?”

Jill provided a cautious, “I’ll try. What is it?”

Joseph holds her hands. “I’m afraid I might end up like Uncle Mike. I’ll die alone, unmarried, without children.”

Jill shook her head. “No, you’re too nice a person.”

“So was Uncle Mike. You see I live in a community, no near a community, that while they accept me, I know they don’t trust me. They don’t want me near their daughters. It’s like they’ve spread the word that I’m a leper or something. I attend all their social events, and I go to their church, but there is always a multitude of chaperones around the girls when I’m around.  I’ve seen that’s not the case with other young guys. I’ve even taken to looking for girl friends in nearby towns where I’ve done carpentry jobs. I’d come up empty, at least until I saw you last fall.”

 One might say only God knows why Joseph respected Jill’s restrictions on sex, but two possible motivations are clear––love and fear. The reader, and Jill do learn that Joseph’s sexual sacrifice was very difficult for him.

haiku capsule

                                                                            restrain sex impulse

                                                         win a woman’s devotion

challenging love gift

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