Needy Friend

Needy Friend

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you . . .”  Jeremiah 1:5 Before I wrote about Bill Wynchuk in Baggage burdens., I knew he had to be designed in such a way that Jill would be willing to accept him.

Bill had to be a troubled person if he was to be more than an acquaintance of Jill’s. Strong men frightened Jill. She suspected they could be a source of harm like her problem-drinking father.

As Jill and Bill come to know each other at the Chicago Family Conference, Jill learns that Bill’s wife is dying of cancer. The experience is tearing him apart.

“How do you comfort a spouse who is facing death?” he asks Jill. Bill knew not being alone was critical. At first when Donna, his wife, was in the hospital, they’d talk about the wonderful things they’d done. Any perceived loose ends she worried about he speedily dealt with. That was the easy time.

The challenge came when her strength waned. Talking drained her. To counter the room’s deadly silence Bill spoke about the work he did at home on their acreage. That took too little time. Donna encouraged him to return to his volunteer counseling work at the Wellness Center. He declined saying leaving her alone would be irresponsible. She countered, “Go. Do something useful. It’ll raise your spirits.”

“I knew then my defeatist mood was taxing her,” he explained to Jill. “I returned to the Wellness Center. It gave me more to talk about when Donna and I were together. I kept a positive outlook when I discussed my clients’ issues. She’d nod and smile, but it wasn’t the same. I missed her offering alternatives or refining my responses. It reminded me of her depleting strength.”

 Feeling guilty for being at the conference instead of at his wife’s beside, Bill explained to Jill why he had come. I told my pastor I felt like a hypocrite––presenting a business-as-usual face to Donna was a lie. My pastor recommended I go to this conference. Go and see what new doors the Lord will open for you. Don’t leave your wife the impression that her death is dragging you into the grave with her.

Then Bill unloaded the lead weight in his heart, what he felt certain would convict him as an unfaithful husband. He told Jill “I can help so many people at the Wellness Center, people I hardly know. But when it comes to the one I love, I can’t do anything. She’s going to die. I can’t do a thing to help her. It’s like I don’t love her enough. I feel like an unfaithful husband, one married to his work.

At the conference Bill needed a friend, someone who could accept him with his ugly side, the side that was condemning him. Jill was there. She showed him how loving she saw he was. Her insight eased his burden.

How might such a troubled person be a source of strength for Jill? Look to next week’s blog for the answer.  

A Kindred Spirit

Kindred Spirit

 

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you . . .”  Jeremiah1:5 Before I wrote about Joseph in Baggage burdens., I already knew him in my heart.

Thanks to Jill’s needs I knew I had to create Joseph as a lonely, farm-loving young man, who had excellent carpentry skills.  To this character skeleton I added a couple of human weakness––he lacked self-confidence and was old school.

Creating Joseph as an old school character began with him being orphaned at the age of six. Because his parents died in an automobile accident, Joseph’s farming grandparents raised him. Their comforting efforts drew them very close to each other. His grandparent’s values became his––going to church, man is the head of the house, working hard, being determined, and having a family with many children.

Not having many true friends in the world begins with Joseph’s time at his grandparent’s home. While he could have become friends with his grandparent’s four older sons who were living at home, it didn’t happen. In the son’s late teens they became rebellious, attending wild parties, swearing, and drinking to excess. All actions met with strong disapproval from Joseph’s grandparents. Attempts to rein in their boy’s misbehavior met with the snarling, painful remarks. Joseph was turned off by their reactions. It made him the target of the boys’ attacks too.

Joseph’s feeling of isolation is reinforced when he made friends with Mike, his grandparent’s eldest son. Put off by his younger brothers, Mike had moved away and in time put a deposit on a farm in a conservative religious community. While Mike becomes part of the church, he isn’t really accepted. Joseph finds, when he inherits Mike’s property, he too is seen as an odd person to be watched carefully. The cut-off nature of Joseph’s farm becomes an irresistible attraction for Jill and leads to her marrying him.

The community’s religious convictions and Joseph’s past loneliness work to strongly motivate him to do everything he can to make Jill’s life happy. Their marriage must last. Joseph’s task is made all the more challenging when Jill sees Joseph’s love for their children as a source of competition instead of support.

Joseph’s manual farm labor, responsible for his muscular build attracts Jill. She needs him to protect her in case her father ever comes looking for her. Because Joseph’s work keeps him close to the house, she knows he will be around for her.

I can’t help identifying with Joseph. His love for gardening and his Ukrainian heritage make him my kindred spirit. What is it that connections you with someone special?

Some times all it takes is one act of kindness to draw two people together.  That is the basis of the attraction between Jill and Bill in Baggage burdens. to be considered in the next blog.

A Diamond in Rough Shape

A Diamond in Rough Shape

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Matt.13:44   

My treasure is Jill. While I didn’t sell all I have to claim her, I did devote 95% of all my writing for the last six years to her.

As an author, I relate to the farmer in the passage above. My character, Jill, a lackluster stone found in the field revealed a cloudy scarred surface. A throw away rock I concluded as I wiped the soil from this oddly shaped find. Unexpected, like a playful wink, a brilliant flash of light caught my attention. I was hooked. I had to find it again and after much searching I did. For an instant I saw her joy reflected through a tear. I read an appeal for me to unlock happiness from her hazy prison.

Initial impressions pointed to a capable intelligent woman, one who loved her children deeply. Surprising acts of kindness made her even more endearing. In contrast, her determination and control spawned an image of a hard person. Trapped within a fog of suspicion she became aloof. If it weren’t for a tragedy that cracked her self-esteem, she’d have remained distant.

A continual close accepting observation earned permission to view tender shaping moments from her past. Elements of male abuse had planted seeds of mistrust and a commitment to avoid being subordinate. Simmering beneath her surface was a state of readiness to fight or flee, a legacy of her home life.

Later, left with only the core memory of Jill’s being––she chose to run away––I felt her hopelessness stemming from some heartbreak. Like a non-swimmer alone holding a life preserver, I watched the tide carry my friend farther and farther out to sea, out to drown.

Before I started to write Baggage burdens. I knew Jill very well. I also knew I wasn’t the means by which she could be assisted. But still I had to try. Unfortunately Jill had to hit rock bottom like an alcohol addict, before she’d consider another’s approach to her challenges. I was forced to accept that she was a free spirit.

Through writing about Jill, I’ve come to highly appreciate her like the hidden treasure found in the field. As a result for most of the novel I feel like a parent watching my daughter move away from home. I can only hope that everything will work out. I must find peace in trusting that the Lord will take care of her like Josey, Jill’s grandmother, did in this novel.

"Before I wrote this novel, I came to know Joseph, Jill’s husband . . .” Next week see how he tugged at my heart too.

I R O N Y !

Irony  (YnorI)

If one looks up the definition of irony as a literary device, you will find:

Situational Irony – what is expected and what actually happens is different.

Verbal Irony – something someone says but it is not really true,

Dramatic Irony – something you (the reader) know is going to happen but character(s) in the book doesn’t know its’ going to happen. Another way of expressing this would be when the character expects events to take place in a particular way but the reader knows that isn’t likely to happen.

 Irony (in general) – a contrast between what is expected and what happens.

To a certain extent irony depends up a reader’s or a character’s common sense. If that element of wisdom is absent, then the irony will be missed. In Baggage burdens. Jill criticizes Kathy, her sister, for running away from home. She sees her sister’s action as leaving her and her mother more helpless. Jill labels her sister a coward. Undoubtedly Jill feels hurt. One would expect such insight would prevent her from taking a similar action. Ironically it doesn’t.

Running away from one who loves you would be the opposite action you might expect. Yet Jill does that several times. In Jill’s mind the only person who ever loved her unconditionally and helped her achieve her goals is Josey, her grandmother. On Labor Day when Josey is coming to visit, Jill is deeply troubled. Instead of seeking Josey’s support, she boards a train for Camrose without telling her grandmother. Jill hears that Dave loves her and wants to come and apologize for an indiscretion. Jill takes off before he arrives.

Irony, motivated by fear, presents itself again when Jill decides to leave her position at popular bakery/restaurant where everyone appreciates her. She chooses to marry a man she doesn’t love and live in an isolated, rural, conservative setting.

Bill visited Jill almost everyday that she was in the hospital. He offered to drive her home when she is released. Without saying anything to him, Jill takes a cab home. How could she be so insensitive? One might reason that Jill doesn’t know the hurt an individual can feel when they’re deserted. For her, that is not the case. After her husband left her, divorced her, she was devastated. Her pain was undeniable. Amber, Jill’s loving daughter, challenges Jill. “How can you possibly do that? Can’t you see that Bill loves you?”

Jill’s actions may come across as being self-centered. The reader would know that Jill wants to be a loving person, unlike her parents. Some of her decisions serve to create the opposite impression. Unreasonable? Yes. Her choices are based on  emotion––fear. Therein lives the purpose of the book’s irony––the power of fear is so strong that it overrides reason.

Can you recall when someone you know makes totally unexpected, unreasonable choices? At such times one might say, “God only knows.” While this may be true, one could also suspect an unknown thinking at work, an overriding emotion at work.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you . . .”  Jeremiah1:5 When it comes to creating characters, an author is like God. My next blog explores this concept, and its use in Baggage burdens.

Giver, More Blessed?

Giver, More Blessed?

In Acts 20:35 we read that the Lord Jesus said “it is more blessed to give than to receive.” To shed enlightenment to this unbelievable beatitude one may Google David Murray, professor and pastor, for his article 10 Reasons Why it is More Blessed to Give than to Receive. Outside of a religious perspective can one find any wisdom on the joy of giving? I think so.

You

are special to me.

A gift brings forth a joyful glow much like what you would expect with the initial sun rays bursting through rain clouds that have been dumping their tears for weeks. The appreciation stirs a warmth in both that’s rises like a midday sun.

Of course a token gift won’t do. Gift certificates, like a get-well card or birthday card, may grow a trace smile, what one might expect from a weatherman’s promise of sunny day.  When the nature of the present arises out of the giver’s long, close observations, it proclaims a dedicated attention, a deep caring interest. Time sacrificed to seek a hoped-for desire and to acquire the gift testifies to the high value of the relationship. Time spent together is often cherished.

How then can a giver not be blessed? The problem may begin with the nature of the person receiving the gift. In the Bible passage above the instruction reads “. . .help the weak . . . .” Some people cannot accept being seen as needy, as incapable of caring for themselves. Others may not trust the giver. There’s a suspicion they will be called upon to return the favor, probably when they’re unable to respond. The prospect of being obligated in the future is unsettling. The gift or favor must be returned as soon as possible to restore a balanced relationship.

In  Baggage burdens. there are times when Jill desperately needs help. Accepting assistance often leaves her in vulnerable situations. Being in control so as not to owe anyone anything is her solution. The prospect of becoming dependent reduces her expression of gratitude. When Bill buys Jill a glass of wine one evening in Chicago, she purchases one the next evening. When Jill is in the hospital, she needs and appreciates Bill’s company. When she returns home, she ends his visits, ends being further in his debt. She can only accept him visiting her at home, when she reasons she’s doing him a favor. Since his wife recently died, he needs someone to prepare a home cooked meal. Gift for gift––only time receiving a favour or present is acceptable.

Is giving a birthday or Christmas gift to a child the only time you’ve been blessed by their expression of joy?

When giving is more rewarding than receiving one might see this as irony.  My next blog explores this concept, and its use in Baggage burdens.