Needy Friend

Needy Friend

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you . . .”  Jeremiah 1:5 Before I wrote about Bill Wynchuk in Baggage burdens., I knew he had to be designed in such a way that Jill would be willing to accept him.

Bill had to be a troubled person if he was to be more than an acquaintance of Jill’s. Strong men frightened Jill. She suspected they could be a source of harm like her problem-drinking father.

As Jill and Bill come to know each other at the Chicago Family Conference, Jill learns that Bill’s wife is dying of cancer. The experience is tearing him apart.

“How do you comfort a spouse who is facing death?” he asks Jill. Bill knew not being alone was critical. At first when Donna, his wife, was in the hospital, they’d talk about the wonderful things they’d done. Any perceived loose ends she worried about he speedily dealt with. That was the easy time.

The challenge came when her strength waned. Talking drained her. To counter the room’s deadly silence Bill spoke about the work he did at home on their acreage. That took too little time. Donna encouraged him to return to his volunteer counseling work at the Wellness Center. He declined saying leaving her alone would be irresponsible. She countered, “Go. Do something useful. It’ll raise your spirits.”

“I knew then my defeatist mood was taxing her,” he explained to Jill. “I returned to the Wellness Center. It gave me more to talk about when Donna and I were together. I kept a positive outlook when I discussed my clients’ issues. She’d nod and smile, but it wasn’t the same. I missed her offering alternatives or refining my responses. It reminded me of her depleting strength.”

 Feeling guilty for being at the conference instead of at his wife’s beside, Bill explained to Jill why he had come. I told my pastor I felt like a hypocrite––presenting a business-as-usual face to Donna was a lie. My pastor recommended I go to this conference. Go and see what new doors the Lord will open for you. Don’t leave your wife the impression that her death is dragging you into the grave with her.

Then Bill unloaded the lead weight in his heart, what he felt certain would convict him as an unfaithful husband. He told Jill “I can help so many people at the Wellness Center, people I hardly know. But when it comes to the one I love, I can’t do anything. She’s going to die. I can’t do a thing to help her. It’s like I don’t love her enough. I feel like an unfaithful husband, one married to his work.

At the conference Bill needed a friend, someone who could accept him with his ugly side, the side that was condemning him. Jill was there. She showed him how loving she saw he was. Her insight eased his burden.

How might such a troubled person be a source of strength for Jill? Look to next week’s blog for the answer.