Life Goes On

Life Goes On

You’re not indispensible. At first glance, this is not a comforting message. Who wants to be told that they’re not that important? If those words are heard in the context of a family where a network of people step in and cover for you, then one can take heart. Peaceful growth continues. Still the one used to directing the family affairs must cope with the fact that chaos did not ensue in their absence. Alternate developments work well. A person with a strong self-concept accepts the new circumstances. A person with a low self-esteem who is tied to their leading roll has challenging adjustments to be made.

Jill, in my novel, Baggage burdens., spends six weeks in hospital because of a car accident. When she returns home, she finds her family life has taken a number of unforeseen changes. Her children have rewarding community pursuits. Her eldest daughter’s education plans have changed. There’s no going back to the life she left. Her boss would like Jill’s temporary replacement to continue to work for a few more months. Without a vehicle Jill finds herself stranded, in need of help from her long-working-hours-daughter or friends she doesn’t fully trust.

In speaking to her eldest daughter Jill says, “I wanted to ask you about the change in your plans for university. I thought we figured out you would work for a year first.”

 “I was. Originally I thought I couldn’t earn enough money over the summer. Thanks to Bill’s connections, I have a job that will pay me enough money to cover my tuition and books.”

“But Edmonton! Getting a place to stay”––

“Bill suggested I phone Aunt Mary. He said since they have a two-bedroom suite, I might be able to rent a room from them at a good price. So I did. Uncle Ed said all I would have to do is pay for the food I needed. My savings will cover that Mom.”

Before Jill can comment, Amber switches topics. “Mr. Barkard helped me review the courses offered by different universities.” Seeing the name puzzle Jill, Amber explains that Mr. Barkard was her high school counselor. Her description of the courses she has registered for and hopes to take in the following years leaves Jill with the impression that careful planning has taken place.

As Jill eats lunch with her two youngest children, she asks about their afternoon plans. Jill thinks they might go for an afternoon walk. Sarah surprises Jill by telling her that she has a part time job at a convenience store. “Only twenty minutes by bike,” she says proudly. “But I’ll be home for supper.”

Matt informs Jill of a fun soccer game that he and some neighborhood boys will be playing in the schoolyard. He adds that he bikes there with his friend, Bennett.

So much has changed. Jill most misses planning events with her children. She thinks she might not be able to reclaim her life from a couple of months ago. ‘Like trying to catch a piece of paper grabbed by the wind. They have a different life now, a life without me, like babies pushed out of a nest, flying everywhere anytime. But I didn’t push them out.’

Turning to Amber Jill says, “I thought tomorrow night we could go grocery shopping together.”

“Just give me the list and Saturday after work I’ll pick up everything. What about supper at Aunt Rebecca’s?”

“Sarah, Matt and I are looking forward to spending time together, to catch up on things.” Jill looks at Amber hoping Amber might change her mind. She has no idea that Amber is looking forward to hearing last minute impressions about her father from Thomas. Amber hopes she might even find out where her father lives, at least which city.

“Bill will be there,” says Amber hopefully.

“No thanks.” Jill nods disappointed.

Jill’s quick response leaves little doubt her decision is final.

The next morning Jill joins her children for breakfast. Conversation with Amber is short. Amber rushes off to work. Sarah visits a little longer but she too, bikes off to work. Matt stays a little longer and talks about the friends he will see at the morning soccer practice. By nine thirty Jill is home alone and feeling left out.

Thinking that she should return to work soon, Jill calls her boss, Mr. Tarsen. She worked as a receptionist for an insurance broker.

He asks her if she would mind waiting until September. He hired his daughter who’d graduated from high school. He expects she will be attending university in the fall. Jill’s initial thought is how Amber would feel if she were suddenly replaced. Jill realizes that some of her physiotherapy appointments would be scheduled during work hours. While Mr. Tarsen wouldn’t make an issue if she took time off, Jill knew he’d be better off with his daughter. She accepts his suggestion to return in the fall. His sigh of relief surprises her.

After Jill hangs up, she thinks, ‘I have to have a car.’

To whom can this once leader-of-the-home

turn to for help

to rebuild her life?

haiku capsule:                 

Nobody needs me.     

Alone, with nothing to do.

Left out.  My life’s gone.

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