A Needed Break
In a meeting, when tension rises or the arguments are being repeated a good chair will call for a recess. If the issues aren’t serious, a coffee break will suffice. If the item under consideration becomes heated and threatens to strain relationships, then tabling until the next meeting will give time for people to cool down and consider the other side’s position. While the break doesn’t guarantee a peaceful settlement, others, in one-to-one talks, do have an opportunity to attempt to resolve the issue.
Would such a strategy work in a family setting? My grandfather told me when one of his kids was on the verge of blowing up, he would send them out to chop wood. Yes, their surplus energy was put to good use, but the time it took to complete the assigned task also allowed for a cooling off period.
In my novel, Baggage burdens. when Joseph is frustrated with his wife, he often separates himself from her. He doesn’t want her to experience his anger. When the issues weren’t very serious, work often refocused his mind. If the person that you separate yourself from is a person you love, their absence should be motivation for seeking a compromise. If that love is absent, lasting peace is hard to find. For minor frustrations Joseph’s short breaks worked. When tension rose to the point that divorce was an option, he chose a much greater break, a break that took him and Jill away from everyone and everything––a two-week holiday to Hawaii.
Do you expect such a break to work?
Jill spent the morning working in the flowerbeds. She had worked the soil and pulled the weeds out. The beds looked professional, but she’d littered the surrounding area with wilting weeds. Last night’s mowed lawn lost its cared-for look.
Joseph marched to the house with “sloppy job” burning on his lips. Before stepping into the kitchen, he cooled down. Instead he said, “Good job on the beds. When do you plan to finish?”
“Finish?”
“Yes, cleaning up the mess.”
“Mess! What mess?”
Frustration won. He demanded the reluctant Jill to accompany him to the flowerbeds. Fuming, he pointed at the weeds. “That mess,” he said as if talking to a disobedient child. “Those weeds belong in the compost bin.” Jill knew that. He couldn’t understand how she could make his neat work look so messy.
“Oh that,” she responded promptly in a calm voice. “You can hardly see it from the driveway. I don’t know what your problem is.”
Without a second’s hesitation, she walked back to the house, leaving Joseph staring at the offending sight. He suppressed an urge to order her to clean up the weeds, knowing an explosive argument would take place. Instead he channeled his adrenalin to grabbing a wheelbarrow and rake. In about a half an hour, the mess was dumped into the compost pile.
After they’re halfway through their dessert, Joseph announces his guarded secret. “How would you like a two-week holiday in Hawaii for your birthday?”
Jill’s mouth drops open. “Hawaii?”
“Yeah. We can afford it. The extra work I’ve done with John on the Swanson house will cover most of the costs of the holiday. I’ll probably need to continue working with him for a while next year too, but it’ll give us an opportunity to spend time with each other as husband and wife. Between your studies and your teaching, we’ve had little time for each other.”
One of the reasons he chose to work on the Swanson house was to see if Jill would miss him. When she showed no concern, he considered quitting his work with John. Then John offered his Hawaiian condo. Joseph’s dream of spending time alone with Jill revived.
“What about the children? Daniel will still be in school,” asks Jill, surprised.
“No problem,” says Joseph without hesitating. “I’ve already talked to Rebecca and Thomas. They said they’d have no problem taking the children while we’re gone. And Thomas promised to try to sell some of my produce at the market too.”
“How’d you convince them? It’s such short notice.”
“We’re like family,” answers Joseph. “We’re always there for each other. What probably convinced them is I told them this would be our first honeymoon.”
Joseph’s description of the Croschuks being family is more important than Jill thinks. Joseph came to them worried about his marriage.
“Maybe she has too much on her mind,” offered Rebecca. “With house work, the children, and her studies, maybe that’s all she can handle.”
Joseph admitted he had been considering that possibility. He didn’t tell them that he also wondered if she was using her studies as an excuse to avoid him. “When we’re in Hawaii, she will have no other distractions. Then I will know how she really feels about me. I think this holiday is just what we need.” Joseph asked that they not tell Jill of his marriage concerns. “Then I won’t suspect she is putting on an act,” he explained.
haiku capsule:
difference in goals
signs of mounting frustrations
need for coffee break
Next blog: A Kid Again
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When have you seen a break serve to bring about peace?
I’d love to use it on my new website that’s being developed.
All comments will be entered for a draw on the Baggage burdens.companion novel.
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