B A C K B O N E
What does it mean to have a backbone? Some might say it means having the courage to tell someone how something has to be. An authoritarian approach one might say, one that might be appropriate with children because they don’t know better.
However, one must have a backbone made of steel to defend another who chooses to test their way, a way in which you suspect trouble. Then a loving backbone comes into play when you help them through their troubled times. Stepping into that kind of challenge is not an easy task, especially when the harm done cannot be completely corrected.
Both types of courage are explored in my novel, Baggage burdens.
In the first passage below, Joseph chooses to break with church community tradition. He supports his wife’s desire to homeschool their daughter. He pays the price. For a time he’s shunned.
In the second passage Joseph risks friction with his wife when chooses not to support her to homeschool their son. Going against her heart-felt wish meant trouble ahead.
In both cases he stood by his decision comforted only by the hope that his loving actions would result in eventual forgiveness.
The church-school’s kindergarten registration papers fall out. A leaf of guilt sprouts. Jill hid them, pretending they had not come yet. There’d been no time to talk to Joseph about her project to homeschool their daughter.
Even though she didn’t register Amber, the school officials were expecting her daughter to show up for grade one in September. It’s what all the parents did.
Jill quickly tucks the registration papers back into her folder.
Joseph’s not like the other men in the church. If he was, he’d have asked about Amber’s registration. He did with Daniel’s. Joseph’s not like them. That’s what some men at church said in the church basement when they heard that I received my diploma. “Joseph has no backbone, no control over her. As head of the house, he should have insisted Jill’s priority was to be mother and wife, not student.”Boy! If Joseph heard that, he may tell me no homeschooling.
Jill turns her attention back to her husband. She realizes if Joseph agrees to Amber being homeschooled, it could trigger another round of criticisms directed at him. How would they react if Daniel too were pulled out of their church school to be homeschooled?
Jill doesn’t tell Joseph the other reason for her happier, more relaxed disposition. She’s pleased that Joseph is once again being welcomed in the circle of his male friends at church. At first, Jill denied she was the cause of Joseph being excluded. Then one day in the church basement during fellowship time, she overheard a small group of men talking about her homeschooling Amber. The men complained Joseph had no backbone, no control over her. She never dreamt they’d react so strongly.
“I have a very important question to ask you,” she begins, looking at Joseph sitting across the table from her. “But I want you to promise you won’t get mad.”
“Sounds serious. I promise.” He scoops a bit of the ice cream and lets it melt in his mouth.
“Remember last year, when I was taking my correspondence courses and doing kindergarten classes for Amber? I had no trouble managing both schedules.”
Joseph nods and samples his hot tea.
“You had no real problem agreeing that I could homeschool Amber for grade one, but when I asked about doing the same for Daniel,” she pauses, not sure how to describe Joseph’s position.
“I said no without any hesitation,” finishes Joseph. He took a half portion of pie on his fork.
“Yes, very firmly. Why? You never explained why I couldn’t do it for Daniel, why you didn’t support me.”
***
“Joseph?” Jill’s question interrupts Joseph’s reflections.
Seeing Joseph’s smile flash, Jill predicts he is ready to answer.
“This is not about supporting you. Daniel was worried he’d lose his school friends.”
Then Joseph tells Jill about the talk he and Daniel had in the woods at the annual church camp.
“So I promised Daniel he could continue to go to school.” The look on Jill’s face reminds Joseph that Jill really wants Daniel at home.
When Joseph completes explaining why he supported Daniel, Jill asks, “So why are you not insisting that Amber also go to the school with Daniel?”
“Taking Daniel out of school would upset him. I don’t want that. Pulling Amber away from you would hurt both of you. I don’t want that either. There may come a time when going to school would be best for her, but now she is content where she is. I can live with it. I don’t want to see anyone hurt, whether it is you or Amber or Daniel.”
haiku capsule:
unpopular choice
you hold onto what is right
backbone commitment
Next blog: A Needed Break
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What type of backbone is your choice? Why?
I’d love to use it on my new website that’s being developed.
All comments will be entered for a draw on the Baggage burdens.companion novel.
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