Trust Someone?

Trust Someone?

When it comes to sharing something personal, do you have trust issues? Are you very particular about who you talk to? Do you even have someone with whom you can share your deep concerns?  

For a person who has been deeply hurt, it probably means you’ve learned it’s safer to think that people are not naturally good. Now, if you view people as naturally bad, that is they think of themselves first and foremost, does that mean you, too, must be bad? Not too many people are willing to admit that they are self-centered. And seeing yourself as good and others not is equally disturbing. What makes you so special?

A situation that is even worse is when you have a poor self-image. If you see that you are not a good person, then there is no one who you can turn to in times of trouble. You must deal with troubling situations you do not feel capable of handling. When the challenges are serious, it is like you are walking in a minefield without a map showing the locations of explosives. Then the question of how can you trust someone becomes vital.

In my novel, Baggage burdens. Jill, the protagonist, sees herself as a bad person. Her father told her as much. She didn’t listen. She was mouthy. Jill thought she wasn’t very smart. She’d moved in with two boys after running away from home. Dumb. When her loving grandmother was helping Jill turn her life around, Jill ran away again. Stupid, some might say. However, Jill's emotional problems overruled her common sense. Trusting another person was not an option, and yet examples of others trusting people was all around her. How was that possible? Jill dared to expose her inability. She asked, "How can you trust someone?"

Jill wonders why she couldn’t be as open. With the same solemn tone Jill asks, “How is it that some people can trust others with very private matters in their life?”

“Wellll,” begins Mary, as she puts together a satisfactory response, “I suppose some one might reveal very personal things about themselves if they’re desperate.”

Mary pauses.

“But most of the time if information is volunteered, it is because of love and trust. That person would never do anything to hurt the one giving the personal information. Does that help?”

Mary waits as Jill digests her wisdom. 

“Mary, how do you know if another person really is a loving person?”

“I guess you really don’t know. But when I told you about my abortion, I felt that you would never use that to try and hurt me. That might change, but I think deep down you won’t change.”

‘I’ll bet that’s how Joseph feels about me too,’ thinks Jill. ‘But how can he trust me when he knows so little about me?’

“I guess that sharing is quite a compliment,” says Jill.

Does that help? Knowing that another person won’t use your shared information to hurt you seems to imply that you need to know the person well, perhaps over a long period of time. Jill’s experience with Joseph counters Mary’s advice. What does a person have to look for to change a perception that individuals are naturally bad? While Jill has the information she needs, it takes years before she understands it.

          haiku capsule:                 

hard to trust anyone

afraid to be vulnerable

past fears isolate.

Next blog: Trusting, A Compliment