BEST Friend TRAIT

BEST Friend TRAIT

In reading about Joseph, in Baggage burdens. one might suspect his best friend was his dog, Butch. The time that impression may arise is when Joseph mourns the death of his dog, the one who most accepted him as he was.

Then Thomas and Joseph dug a shallow grave for Butch near the spot where he died. After temporarily marking the grave with a stick, Thomas sat with Joseph for the rest of the afternoon by the grave as Joseph talked about his lost friend.

Can a caring friend create such a feeling of loss? Many people can be supportive, helpful, encouraging, but cross them, blame them for something they haven’t done, ignore them and the friendship bond dissolves. Not a true friend you might say, but what if an accusation is cutting, cutting to the bone, what if an accusation is held without explanation for some time? Can a simple apology mend the broken relationship? In such circumstances, when the answer is, “yes,” then you know you have found a real friend. Such a friend has the critical trait of being forgiving. It is important to note that the forgiving quality is present in the friend even before an apology. Sadly that trait may not make that forgiving person a “best” friend, even though they probably are.

In the novel, Baggage burdens.  the troubled protagonist, Jill, suddenly rejects her caring neighbor, Rebecca. Rebecca and Jill had been friends for a number of years. By Jill’s admission, Rebecca did nothing wrong, but Jill still wanted nothing more to do with her neighbor.

“Jill, remember a little earlier you asked if something is wrong?”

Jill nods before she takes a sip of her tea. 

“Well, something has been concerning me.” Joseph waits until she finishes the cake in her mouth.  “Why have you been avoiding Rebecca? Did she say or do something wrong?”

 “No. I just don’t want to have anything to do with her any more.”

Jill’s calm response encourages Joseph to pursue the matter. “It’s surprising. When you returned from the hospital, Rebecca visited you every time I went to the market. Then all of sudden she’s not welcome at Daniel’s birthday, at our Thanksgiving dinner, at our wedding anniversary and at your birthday.”

Jill interrupts. “I just don’t want to be around her any more. Is there anything wrong with that?” A note of annoyance creeps into Jill’s response.

 “If she’s done something wrong, I know she’d like to make it up to you.”

“Look, she didn’t do anything wrong.”

Jill wants to invite Rebecca and Thomas to Joseph’s birthday party. She phones and apologizes for her self-imposed seclusion. When Jill invites Rebecca, Rebecca accepts. To Jill’s surprise at the party Rebecca shows no sign of irritation. Jill feels completely forgiven. What a friend she has in Rebecca.

With the meal finished and dishes cleaned, Jill and Rebecca walk along the driveway admiring the raised flowerbed that she and Joseph prepared for planting. Jill is pleased at how easy it is to talk with Rebecca. ‘It’s as if there never was any misunderstanding.’ She finds herself sharing a dream, she hasn’t told Joseph about.

Jill tells about her plans to convert each boxed structure into a rose bed. Pointing to bare spots among the perennials, she predicts which rose will be most appropriate. Her plans include asking Joseph to help her shop for the flowers.

“Do you think he’ll come?’ she asks nervously.

“Of course,” says Rebecca. “ I think he’ll be thrilled to work with you on it.” They turn to head back to the house, then stop. They hug like long-time friends.

Jill also has a forgiving friend in the person of Bill. He frequently visited her during her weeks in the hospital. When Jill was ready to go home, she didn’t have a ride. Bill offered to drive her home. Jill said nothing. When Bill came to the hospital, he learned she’d taken a taxi an hour earlier. Jill’s daughter’s passion criticism caused Jill to phone and apologize to Bill. His gracious response surprised her.

Jill calls Bill at a time when she believes Bill is finishing his lunch. She expects a cutting remark when Bill hears her. It’s not his nature, but she feels she deserves it. She’s been home for more than a week, and she hasn’t called him to explain her hospital departure. To her surprise she receives a casual greeting. He politely enquiries about how she is adjusting to home life. His accepting attitude to her apology surprises her.

Jill admits that she was wrong to leave the hospital instead of waiting for him. No sooner does she begin with “I wasn’t thinking clearly” than Bill stops her.

“No need to explain. I thought you might want some time to adjust being home, to talk with your children.”

Jill’s speechless. He voices one of her excuses. Relief sweeps over her.

Remembering the other reason for her phone call, Jill tells him that she and the children would like him to join them for supper next Sunday. She includes the children in the invitation because she feels that Bill might not want to come if it is only her desire. She can’t fully believe that Bill has no hard feelings about her deserting him.

Bill accepts.

haiku capsule:                 

I         am here for you

when you would least expect it

gracious quality

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