The Devil You Say

The Devil You Say

What is the cause of some of Jill’s troubles? The devil you say?

Frank, Jill’s father, beat her up so many times, that Jill, like her sister, decided to run away from home. “You wait and see. The devil will punish you for being so willful, so disobedient.” These shouted words were hurled at Jill from her father when she refused to come out of her hiding place to face him. Would Frank’s intoxicated behaviors qualify for saying he was a tormentor like a devil?

Jill chose to live in a rented house with two older boys from school, Dave and Greg. One night during a party they both made unwanted sexual advances. Was Jill’s father right? Was the devil punishing Jill for running away from home? Did she place herself in the devil’s playground?

For much of Jill’s life recurring nightmares torment her. A deep, male voice points out her failings.

     When Jill sleeps in her mother’s car because it was too early to meet her friend at school, the male voice’s first challenge comes––“So you made a good move, eh? Really?”

     “Bone head! You don’t deserve anyone’s love.” The growling male voice challenges Jill as she heads west on the Alberta bound train. Jill has left Brandon before her grandmother arrives for a visit with Dave.

     Shortly after making her wedding plans Jill falls asleep on the couch. A crashing silver set half awakens her. “You phony! Phony! Phony!” The deep male’s voice’s accusation scratches Jill’s contentment like a cat’s claws raking a bare arm. “Liar! Liar! Liar!” Jill’s ineffective defense prompts, “. . . this marriage has a 50 percent chance of success.”

     As Jill carries her ten-month old daughter, Amber, to the house, she whispers, “don’t worry.  You’re my special girl. On your birthday I’ll make a party for my special girl.” In a fitful sleep, a familiar, uninvited male voice steals her attention. “Really? So Amber’s your daughter? R-i-i-ght. Another sign this convenience marriage won’t last.” 

     The unwanted voice from her past returns. “Didn’t you say that you would forgive Joseph if he did something wrong. Then you blamed him for the loss of Christine. You kicked him out of the bedroom. Hardly sounds like forgiveness. I think this marriage is built on a sandy foundation.”

What was the source of these accusations? Her father years later finding fault with her? Her conscience haunting her? The devil highlighting her poor decisions?  

‘I can’t trust anyone.’ Jill’s disturbing, understandable conclusion comes shortly after she has been subjected to uninvited sexual advances. Should such a generalization be applied broadly? If so, for how long? Months? Years? Decades? While targeting males may be understandable, should it apply to her husband, Joseph, and a supportive friend, Bill? What about women like her mother, her grandmother, a supportive neighbor, Rebecca, or her niece, Julie?

Those people at one time or another felt the bite of Jill’s mistrust. Was that the work of the devil or a very sensitive self-image?

Can the devil use people to do his work of accusing people, instill fear and suspicion in others?

Jill believed in God as creator, but not as father. Baggage Burdens. shows that God continued to be near her anyway. Join me in seeing Grace for Jill in the next blog.

Out Reach

Reconciliation of God to One of His Children

Baggage Burdens. shows critical elements of time and faith, lots of time and lots of faith are vital. For those who have been active in evangelism this may not be surprising, but how reconciliation comes to pass in Jill’s life may be illuminating.

Jill’s mother, Alice Rezley, had a very strong faith, but it was nothing that Jill recognized when she lived at home. Jill’s mother died never knowing that her faith would have an impact on her daughter. Yet even in her death she reached out to her family in an expression of faith and love. It isn’t easy to accept that we can’t see how our faith life helps those we love.

   

What does time have to do with winning a person over to God? Is it quality time with someone as measured by loving service? Is it the amount of time you spend with a person? Is it God’s time?

Josey, Jill’s grandmother, rescued Jill when she was homeless. The two months that they spent together were like heaven to Jill. She never forgot her grandmother’s love, but it didn’t stop her from running away from Josey. Josey’s love didn’t bring Jill to the Lord.

The time was too short you might venture. Mary, Jill’s best friend and employer cared for Jill for two years. Even after Jill married and moved away she kept in contact with Mary. Their relationship didn’t bring her closer to God. Time and quality of care proved insufficient.

Acts of love with expressions of faith are needed? Joseph, Jill’s loving husband for more than 26 years, effectively expressed his faith with church members. At Joseph’s request Jill agreed to a church marriage. At dinner the family prayed. Over the length of their marriage, how is it possible that Jill couldn’t be affected?

Because of her friends, Ann and Pete, and her niece, Julie, Jill joined the church. She worked with church programs and children. Jill proved she knew about God but didn’t know God. She didn’t turn to God for things that troubled her even when she felt like ending her life, even after her automobile accident placed her in hospital.

In God’s time you venture? Who knows His mind? Who knows what He does and why? A possible answer, but consider the genuine efforts of Jill’s mother, grandmother, employer and friend, husband and church. Don’t they show God reaching out to Jill? The missing ingredient is Jill deciding she wants to know God and what he can do for her. With that knowledge and experience she will be able to praise God’s as a present and loving personal God.

A time in Jill’s life arrives when she hungers to rebuild her relationship with her oldest son. It’s something she has failed to do. She is ripe for harvesting. God provides His servant. He opens the door to start reconciliation with her son and with Him.

It’s not our work that brings people to God. It’s the work of the Holy Spirit that makes our actions meaningful. Even so an individual must also choose God.  In what way have you seen this experience?

The devil you say. How much of Jill’s troubles are because of the devil twisting her perception of reality? Is what haunts Jill through much of her life from the devil or from a guilty conscience? While no direct reference is made of the devil in Baggage Burdens. the traits of the devil may suggest his presence. The devil you say? What possibilities does the next blog lead you to?

BROKEN

Broken

a Tragedy

In an alcohol-fueled fury, Jill’s father smashed a major drama homework project that Jill spent hours creating. Instead of being grateful that her mother saved her from being the target of her father’s rage, Jill’s anger and helplessness overwhelmed her. Knowing that her father’s behavior wouldn’t change––it hadn’t even though the police had been called before––Jill ran away from home. She left six weeks before graduation. With courage and determination and no alternate home, Jill struck out alone. Relying on hope she boarded at Dave’s place. He was an old boyfriend. That failed. Hope brought her to Mrs. Maxwell, a woman, not even a friend, to temporarily put her up. Hope supported Jill in reconnecting with her grandmother. Jill’s resilience provided her with the foundation for a promising future. 

Fear is the beginning of wisdom. It saved Jill from potential harm at her father’s hand. Fear forced her to leave Dave’s when she couldn’t trust him to keep his word. Her fear flag flew at the suggestion that her parents be told she was okay. They couldn't know where she was. It flapped again when connecting with her grandmother was proposed. Fear kept Jill’s location a secret and kept her safe.

The flaw, unrestrained fear, overrules rational thought. Like a toboggan starting down a hill, fear slowly dismisses compromises.  Soon the ride races at breakneck speed, threatening harm unless firm control is regain. Jill’s escape from her grandmother’s love starts her down hill. Her seeking refuge on an isolated farm, her assumption that Joseph, her husband, was stealing her son’s love mirrors a wild speed. Strict control over sexual activity with her husband and being the home schoolteacher for her other children restores control and Jill’s sense of safety. Her ill exercised control grows antagonism and shattering isolation.

Another flaw hides in Jill, one planted by her father––you’re a disobedient child, a bad child, one deserving punishment not love. To dismiss this perception Jill attempts to be better than her mother. As a parent she fails with her eldest son, but succeeds with her other children. Completing her education and having a large family build her self-image. Still haunted by a sin from her past, she strives to earn respect. Then her husband tells her he wants nothing to do with her anymore, a knockout blow! She is worse than her mother. As a single mother, she is bound for harder times. The rejection confirms she is unworthy of respect. Scrambling to care for her children she adjusts. Control is restored until she is in a car accident. Broken psychologically and physically, unable to care for her children, she realizes she has nothing. There is no courage, no determination, no hope.

How can one recover from a negated self-image?

God’s love for His children often goes unseen. In Jill’s case, in Baggage Burdens. she accepts the story of God’s redemptive actions like the stories of Santa Clause. She escapes discussing her beliefs until she confesses alone she can’t solve the tension between her and her eldest son. The next blog looks at what Jill could not see.

Worst Fear Realized

Worst Fear Realized

Like Jill in Baggage burdens. Joseph did everything he could to avoid reliving a childhood experience. In spite of his many efforts he fails.

Being an only child didn’t seem like a hardship to Joseph when his parents were alive.  A car accident claimed them while he was very young. Because of the loving care he received from his grandparents, Joseph adopted many of their values. That put him at odds with the four fun loving, me-first for everything uncles who lived with Joseph’s grandparents.

Mike, his grandparent’s oldest son, also found his four brother’s disrespectful behaviors untenable. As soon as he could he moved away and bought a farm in a close-knit, conservative religious community. When Joseph learned of his other uncle he started writing to him and later visiting him. Their shared values drew them together.

Joseph’s few visits meant so much to Mike that when Mike died of a heart issue, he left his farm to Joseph.  Joseph soon learned that Mike lead a lonely life. While Mike was part of the religious community, his only true friends were Thomas and Rebecca, neighbors. With Thomas’ help Joseph took to farming and was eventually accepted by the church community although relationships remained distant.

A wife and a family, a large family––for Joseph no only-one-child family–– could solve Joseph’s problem. The rural community shielded their daughters from this outsider’s roving eye. Until Joseph noticed Jill, a waitress in a Camrose Bakery, he feared an isolated life like Mike’s.

Why this city bred girl showed an interest in Joseph and his farm life he didn’t know. Like any lottery winner when Jill agreed to marry him, Joseph didn’t question his luck. Her warning that she had unresolved issues from her past didn’t counter his desire to build a family with her.

To preserve his blessing Joseph determined he’d do what ever it took to make Jill happy in his isolated home. He didn’t know how high cost would be. After more than twenty-five years of marriage he ended up in a worse position than Mike when Mike left home.

        When Joseph saw the essence of his identity being undermined, he chose a strategic withdrawal. Men in his rural community accused Joseph of having no backbone. He should be more assertive, tell Jill when she is being unreasonable. An authoritarian he wasn’t.

Do you no any one who is very assertive or very meek? What problem(s) does that cause?

Three characters in Baggage burdens. fall victim to a personal tragedy. A character’s flaw serves as a foundation for a downfall. How much more tragic can it be for a person who concludes all is lost? I don’t want to live any longer.  Partial truth leads Jill to completely give up. Her flaws and her circumstances are explored in the next blog.