The Devil You Say

The Devil You Say

What is the cause of some of Jill’s troubles? The devil you say?

Frank, Jill’s father, beat her up so many times, that Jill, like her sister, decided to run away from home. “You wait and see. The devil will punish you for being so willful, so disobedient.” These shouted words were hurled at Jill from her father when she refused to come out of her hiding place to face him. Would Frank’s intoxicated behaviors qualify for saying he was a tormentor like a devil?

Jill chose to live in a rented house with two older boys from school, Dave and Greg. One night during a party they both made unwanted sexual advances. Was Jill’s father right? Was the devil punishing Jill for running away from home? Did she place herself in the devil’s playground?

For much of Jill’s life recurring nightmares torment her. A deep, male voice points out her failings.

     When Jill sleeps in her mother’s car because it was too early to meet her friend at school, the male voice’s first challenge comes––“So you made a good move, eh? Really?”

     “Bone head! You don’t deserve anyone’s love.” The growling male voice challenges Jill as she heads west on the Alberta bound train. Jill has left Brandon before her grandmother arrives for a visit with Dave.

     Shortly after making her wedding plans Jill falls asleep on the couch. A crashing silver set half awakens her. “You phony! Phony! Phony!” The deep male’s voice’s accusation scratches Jill’s contentment like a cat’s claws raking a bare arm. “Liar! Liar! Liar!” Jill’s ineffective defense prompts, “. . . this marriage has a 50 percent chance of success.”

     As Jill carries her ten-month old daughter, Amber, to the house, she whispers, “don’t worry.  You’re my special girl. On your birthday I’ll make a party for my special girl.” In a fitful sleep, a familiar, uninvited male voice steals her attention. “Really? So Amber’s your daughter? R-i-i-ght. Another sign this convenience marriage won’t last.” 

     The unwanted voice from her past returns. “Didn’t you say that you would forgive Joseph if he did something wrong. Then you blamed him for the loss of Christine. You kicked him out of the bedroom. Hardly sounds like forgiveness. I think this marriage is built on a sandy foundation.”

What was the source of these accusations? Her father years later finding fault with her? Her conscience haunting her? The devil highlighting her poor decisions?  

‘I can’t trust anyone.’ Jill’s disturbing, understandable conclusion comes shortly after she has been subjected to uninvited sexual advances. Should such a generalization be applied broadly? If so, for how long? Months? Years? Decades? While targeting males may be understandable, should it apply to her husband, Joseph, and a supportive friend, Bill? What about women like her mother, her grandmother, a supportive neighbor, Rebecca, or her niece, Julie?

Those people at one time or another felt the bite of Jill’s mistrust. Was that the work of the devil or a very sensitive self-image?

Can the devil use people to do his work of accusing people, instill fear and suspicion in others?

Jill believed in God as creator, but not as father. Baggage Burdens. shows that God continued to be near her anyway. Join me in seeing Grace for Jill in the next blog.