Trying to be a Best Friend

Trying to be a Best Friend

Being a best friend can be like walking into quicksand.

Best friend. That’s all Julie in Baggage burdens. wanted to be. How was she to know that Jill’s needs would overwhelm her?

On the way to pick up her children from school Jill is in a car accident and is taken to the hospital. She’s divorced. She has no one to turn to accept Julie. As the paramedic makes the call, Jill thinks,

‘Then Julie can take my children to her place until I can get out of here. Thank God I have Julie. If it wasn’t for her, I don’t know what I would do.  She’s such a life saver.’

Julie soon learns she’s taken on more than she can handle. She has two children of her own, a part time job, and a husband who works as a welder in Fort McMurray for weeks at a time. Anticipating a challenge, Julie takes two of Jill’s three children. The oldest, Amber, is farmed out to Amber’s older married brother. Reluctantly she faces her situation. Julie asks Bill, a friend of Jill’s family, for help.

Gathering her courage she says, “I hate to be an imposition, but I feel guilty about not taking Sarah and Matt to the hospital. You’ve been so helpful, taking the children to the hospital to visit their Mom, and letting Amber drive to Daniel’s. But do you think you could do me a favor too?”

“If I can.”

“Some evening can you babysit John Ryan and Jeff? I want to take the children to see their mother,” explains Julie. “My regular babysitter is ill, and Scott won’t be home for another two weeks.” Julie breathes a sign of relief. She’s admitted she’s struggling to care for Matt and Sarah.

Some it times means being a target of hurtful words and actions.

Julie returned from Ontario after visiting with her husband’s family.  She also visited Jill’s grandmother, Josey. Julie told Jill that the staff at Josey’s seniors’ home said that arthritis was seriously affecting the 97-year-old grandmother. Once again Julie asks,

Are you sure you can’t come down to see her?”

“Now? Yes, I’m sure. Maybe next year, during the summer.”

“I’ll tell her that when next––.”

“I said maybe.” Jill cuts in loud and firmly. She regrets her sharp tone. Jill explains returning to Oshawa is something she never considered. “Given Josey’s situation it is now possible.”

“It’s not about the money is it? Because if it is, Josey said she’d pay for everything.”

“No,” lies Jill. “I told you I have to be here for my children. And I have a job to return to.” After Jill states her excuses she becomes suspicious. ‘Why would Josey be concerned about my financial situation anyway?’ Jill says, “What did you tell Josey about me?”

“She knows about your accident. And I told her that you were recovering. Remember? I saw you before I left.”

‘That doesn’t have anything to do with financial troubles.’ Jill sees Julie fidgeting. “Is that all?” Jill leans forward intent on finding out what else Julie is hiding.

“You know you were in a coma for several weeks,” pleads Julie. “I had to tell Josey that. If I didn’t, she would never have forgiven me. And telling her you were conscious was good news. She needed to hear that.”

Still working at the notion that Josey thought Jill has financial concerns Jill challenges Julie. “What else did you report? You didn’t tell her I was divorced, did you?”

Leaning back as if to avoid being hit, Julie answers. “Yes. I did.”

“You didn’t!” Jill instantly blurts out.

She looks down ashamed. Her shortcomings are exposed to the most respected person in her life.

“I didn’t have much choice Jill. When you quit eating and I saw those pills on your night table––I really didn’t know what to think. I needed help. I didn’t want to turn to the pastor. If that came out in the church –– I had to talk to someone.”

“I can’t believe it.” Jill’s words bounce off the floor.

“Josey told me if things didn’t turn around soon she would come down to see you. The only reason she didn’t come immediately is because she knew how highly you value your privacy and your need to solve your problems. For a whole week I had to keep her posted. Daily. When she was satisfied that you were on the mend, she said to call her only if I had any new concerns.”

“How long have you been spying on me?” Jill refuses to look at her cousin.

“Jill! That’ not fair! We’re not your enemies. We both love you. We just want to be there for––”

“How long?” Jill’s demand clearly states she only wants to hear one more thing. Silence follows until Jill’s eyes target Julie’s forehead. “How long?”

Because Jill’s perceived she'd been betrayed, she only called Julie when she needed her. Her private thoughts and feelings she kept to herself. Jill ended their fitness workouts too.

Being a best friend can be trying.

           

   haiku capsule:

                                                                            helping troubled friend

                                                          means endless time commitment

expect exhaustion 

Next blog: Control your spending