Infant Writer: Loving the Unlovable

Loving the Unlovable

Can a woman ever love a husband who manhandles her? Can she love him if he beats up on her children? Most likely the answer is no. The reader of Baggage burdens. would expect Alice to say her husband is a monster.

In my novel Frank Rezley’s daughter, Jill, saw her father as a monster. Josey, Jill’s grandmother, would concur. Josey failed to understand, how Jill’s mother, Alice, could put up with Frank’s drinking behaviors. Yet Alice would likely counter Jill’s and Josey’s snap assessment is like judging a book by its cover.

Jill’s perception of her father is prominent throughout the book. That image isn’t countered until Kathy, Jill’s sister who once shared the same perception of her father, provides Alice’s understanding of Frank. Kathy says:

“Mom told me that at heart Father had an inferiority complex. It mostly disappeared when he became known as a wizard with engines. That changed a few years after I was born. He doubted he was a good father.”

Frank began comparing himself with other fathers at work. The ones that caught his ear were men who had sons, sons who were older and could horse around with their father in various sports activities. In Frank’s mind taking his daughter to church, out for ice cream or to the show were non-events. Frank had nothing to share with his working friends. Kathy didn’t play piano, dance or sing. He felt like he wasn’t connecting with his children, he couldn’t relate to them. He had nothing to brag about. His inferiority complex kicked in. He concluded he was an inadequate father. Then Josey predicted he’d be a poor father. He thought she already knew he was a failing father. He reacted by swearing he would be a good father, and he meant it.

Frank had adopted his father’s concept of a good father–– A husband must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (1 Timothy 3:4, 5) It was one he felt certain he could meet. Be a good provider. There’d always be food and clothing. He’d pay for his children’s education and raise them to be obedient. When Kathy or Jill didn’t live up to his expectations, Frank became frustrated. Like his father, Frank resorted to punishment, to fear. To impress the men at work he became a fun-loving party animal, but his inebriated behavior prevented him from developing close relationships with his daughters. After a while Frank’s drinking became a habit, a habit that lead to ugly behavior.

Frank argued that the money he spent on drinking had no effect on the budget for the family. On normal days Frank returned home for dinner and talked to his daughters about their interests and their friends. Then one day his fragile father self image took a hit.

“Remember the first school play you asked us all to attend?”

Jill nods.

“Well Father encouraged many of his friends at work to come. He said you were in the play. He failed to realize that you worked in the play. You were a set designer. His friends later asked which character you were. He had to admit he was wrong. You weren’t an actor. He felt so embarrassed. Mom said it took a long time after that before he asked about your school involvements. Later she learned he’d been teased about how little he knew about his children.”

“So, you’re saying Mom felt sorry for Father?”

“More than that. I think she tried to get him to overlook the mistakes, to see that he was a good father. She pointed out that we were hard working like he was. We had high marks at school. We were well dressed, respectful, orderly. I think she tried to build up his image of a good father in ways that he would appreciate. Mom said that is what you do for the people you love.”