Quitting

Quitting

  Quitting, an act of desperation, even frustration, suggests there’s no longer any hope. The possibility of achieving the dream or goal is vanished. Why pour out more time, energy, or money?

For some, the journey to a goal is sufficient reward. If you’re competing to have the best landscaped yard in the community and a wealthy neighbor pours thousands of dollars into the same project, winning may seem impossible, especially if you don’t have that kind of money. However, if the planting and the sight of flowers and shrubbery adorning the area surrounding your house is a joy, then there’s no reason to quit.

Another factor that would throw cold water on a dream is if pursuing the goal suddenly becomes harmful. Imagine the backyard gardening project that you are working on takes place in a large stretch of desert. You learn that rattlesnakes frequent the proposed patch. That would certainly make me throw in the towel.

While either motivation can justify giving up on a dream, what does it take to give up on a marriage? You, no longer being the source of joy for your spouse may cause you to give up on the marriage. Eyes may drift looking for a new partner. Still peace in the household may be enough to preserve the marriage. Disturb that peace by a spouse becoming negative, critical, or nagging. Now, the home has become a battleground, a place of attacks. Be on your guard. The emotional impact of the aggressive environment can drive one to give up on the marriage no matter how committed they want to be.

Giving up is a frequent theme in my novel, Baggage burdens. Jill runs away from her grandmother, the one who rescued her when she was homeless, the one who helped her with her high school courses and gave her a house to live in, a house that sat in a park like setting. At the time Jill felt like she was in heaven. She could even pursue her drama involvement dreams. Then she gave up this dream-life. Her grandmother was bringing her former boyfriend to see her. Jill, giving up on this ideal home setting, speaks to the great harm she perceived by renewing a relationship with her former boyfriend.

For Joseph, a man of faith, divorce was not an option. He felt very lucky that a beautiful girl married him. Jill had some emotional problems, but he was determined to do whatever he could to make her happy. He didn’t mind appearing to be a fool in the eyes of the community for having chosen her. He didn’t consider himself a great catch either. Once they moved into the city everything changed. Making her happy became more and more difficult, more and more expensive. This he could handle for the sake of the children. When Jill began turning their children against him––his eldest daughter for the first time said she hated him––he decided his marriage was no longer worth saving. He quit trying.

“I really need your help,” Jill repeats. She cries. 

Karen waits until Jill controls her sobbing.

“What is it Jill?  What’s the matter?” She gently squeezes Jill’s hand hoping to suggest strong support.

 “I want you to help me move out.” Jill pauses looking into Karen’s eyes. “To Camrose.” 

The expected wide-opened eyes registers on Karen’s face. There’s no hint of rejection.

Karen immediately thinks of her friends in Camrose. Who could best support Jill? “Certainly, but why?”

I have to get away from here as soon as possible.” After a pause, Jill adds, “By Monday morning.” Again she searches Karen’s eyes for a hint of reluctance or disagreement. 

Bewildered, Karen tries again. “Jill, what’s happened? You’ve got to tell me.” 

“Promise not to tell anyone, including Linda?”

“I swear,” assures Karen instantly.

Jill begins with her grandmother’s announcement. She's bringing Dave to visit her. Jill states she wants nothing to do with Dave, leaving out any reference to his brother, Greg.

“You sound like you still have some feelings for Dave. Are you really sure you want nothing to do with him?” 

Looking at Karen’s face Jill senses Karen’s unvoiced bewilderment. 

‘Could Karen end up becoming an ally of my grandmother’? I can’t let that happen.’

“I can’t. Not at this time,” answers Jill firmly.

Her answer comes so quickly and confidently that Karen abandons exploring that option.

Karen nods her understanding. “What can I do?” 

“Help me get set up in Camrose. That’s where you lived before moving here, right?” 

Karen nods. “If you mean for a job, I think I can. I’ll have to make a phone call first, a little later this morning.”

“And a place to live?”

“If I’m right, the people I’m thinking of should be able to help you with that too.” 

“Listen, I really hate to be such a bother, but I’ll also need a ride to the train station early Monday morning. And I’ll need a little help with my luggage.” 

Karen nods in agreement again. “Like some help packing after we’ve had some sleep?” 

Jill glances at the stove clock. ‘Three thirty!’ Jill accepts Karen’s suggestion for some sleep. With support for her escape plan, Jill succumbs to six more hours of sleep.

haiku capsule:

journey to your dream

destination disappears

drive evaporates

                   

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