Creating a Sense of Belonging

Creating a Sense of Belonging

How does one go about making a new person feel like they are part of the group? For people who share a common interest, belonging should not be an issue. However, that may not be enough. People aren’t completely alike. Individuals with accents, different skin color; customs, beliefs or out-of-the-box thinking may find themselves on the outside looking in. Without a clear sense of acceptance, an outsider’s uniqueness won’t blossom and enrich the group.

In my novel, Baggage burdens. the desire to create a sense of belonging is not directly explored. However, the lifestyle of two different churches illustrates which atmosphere is more welcoming. Also the role of the individual to fit in is seen through Joseph and through his wife, Jill.

Joseph finds out that it takes a lot of time and an understanding of the people in the church to fit in. While Jill is on the same path, she discovers another church where the actions of the people make it a whole lot easier for her and Joseph to join. Atmosphere is important––you are very interesting. I really want to know a whole lot more about you. However, the people’s actions make the welcoming difference.

A snapshot of two different churches

After a brief period of small talk, Mary asks, “So, what’s wrong? What couldn’t you share last time I was here?” Mary speaks as if she has inside information into Jill’s private life.

“I really enjoyed your last visit,” begins Jill, trying to dodge the question. Then she falls silent.

“Well? Ed and I are concerned.” Mary leans forward, expecting a secret to be divulged.

“Your last visit was so different from the ones I’ve had recently.” Reading Mary’s confusion, she adds, “I’m talking about the women from Joseph’s church.”

“Different! How?” Jill looks down, uncomfortable with her line of questioning.

“Tell me, please.”

“I’m not sure I can explain it. I first became aware of the difference when Ann asked if I missed the bakery.”

Mary nods.

That’s when both she and Ed noticed a difference in Jill’s body language. Ed said Jill shifted around as if she sat on a hot seat.

Again Jill is silent.

“Why was Ann’s question significant?”

“Well, Ann’s your sister. She is part of your family. I can understand her caring how you feel, but not me. It’s not like I am family. I never thought Ann and I were that close. Ann’s question made me feel like she really cared if I am happy, like I’m part of her family.” Jill wipes a tear creeping out of the corner of her eye.

“She does like you. I told you that before.”

“Yes. But none of the women from Joseph’s church ask me how I am doing. They talk about my furniture and how lucky I am to have Joseph for a husband. Then their conversations turn to their families and others in the church. At times I feel like a waitress in my own house. I don’t fit in.” Jill retreats to the counter for a tissue and blows her nose.

As they drive up to the Camrose church, Jill finds herself straining to hear the church bells ringing. To Jill’s surprise, the pastor greets her and the family by name. He says he’s glad to see her and that the church has been praying for her. In answering his inquiry about her health, she admits she is struggling but is progressing.

After the pastor moves on to other families entering the church, Jill thinks, He knows so much about me. I’m not even a member of the church.

Joseph and Jill sit with Ann, Pete, Scott, and Julie. Ann slides close to Jill and hugs her. Pete extends a welcoming hand to Joseph. To avoid any conversation about how she’s doing, Jill starts reading about the worship service. Two separate taps on her shoulder come from behind. Ellen and her friend, Ada, welcome Jill.

“We met her at Ann’s place a few times,” she whispers to Joseph.

After the service, before Jill can head for the vehicle, Gloria Brewster, the Sunday school superintendent, calls out. She too greets Jill with a hug and questions about how she is doing. Ruth, the pastor’s wife, welcomes Jill. Before Jill knows it, several ladies in the foyer surround her. All express their sympathy and support.

Seeing Jill happily preoccupied, Joseph distracts his children by pointing to the juice and cookies. He takes Matthew in his arms and joins Scott and Julie.

haiku capsule:

Warm “missed you,” greetings,

hugs followed by welcome back.

loving atmosphere

                   

Next blog:

Preserve the Good Times