Ask for Forgiveness?
Asking to be forgiven could
be very unsettling, particularly if the injured party was very angry. A request
coming after the injured party has cooled down, may serve to give new life to
the grievance. More harsh words may feel like deserved-justice to the angry
person, but it does little to begin the peace process.
“I was wrong. I’m sorry.” A humbling approach
has a greater chance of mending fences, but
what if you did nothing wrong? At least you don’t remember or think you did
anything wrong? Good chance your indiscretion could be repeated and your future
apologize considered worthless. Also, some people may find it very difficult to
apologize for something they didn’t do. Taking no action means the friction
becomes deep rooted, suggesting you don’t care about another’s feelings. Then
apologizing becomes even more challenging.
In my novel, Baggage Burdens. a hostile environment exists
between Jill and her oldest son. It’s been festering for years. In her mind, Jill
has done nothing wrong. Her son, Daniel, is choosing to be difficult. In time
she expects he’ll come around. By the time Daniel has children, Jill realizes
if she wants to see her grandchildren, she must do something. She struggles
with the option of apologizing.
“Do you really want to be on good
terms with your son?” asks Bill.
“Yes,” answers Jill.
“Then, if you think your attempts to homeschool him are
the basis for the tension between the two of you, apologize to him. Ask him to
forgive you. Explain that you didn’t realize at the time how important it was
for him to be with his friends.”
“And what if that’s not the real reason?”
“It doesn’t matter. You’re showing him you want to improve
the family atmosphere. If you’re wrong, let him identify what he thinks is the
problem. At least you’re starting the healing process.”
“Do you think that is why Daniel is so hostile toward me?”
Jill suspects Bill knows something that he’s not telling her.
“What I think doesn’t matter. What counts is what you
think is the root of your family problem. If you’re wrong, don’t worry about
it. He’ll see that you’re attempting to improve things. The ball will then be
in his court.”
Still
unconvinced Jill seeks advice from her cousin
The conversation
turns to Jill’s reason for coming over. To Jill’s surprise, Julie agrees with
asking for Daniel’s forgiveness. She’s certain he’ll grant it.
“You really think
so?”
“I do.” Julie’s
confidence fails to encourage Jill. “Wait a minute,” says Julie, jumping out of
her chair. “If he doesn’t, I’ll show you what you need to give him.” She rushes
to a bookshelf in the living room. After she pokes through several books, a
triumphant, “Got it!” rings out.
As Julie
approaches the table, she says, “You’re still his mother. It’s never too late
to teach your son something.” Julie shows her the cover of a book that she and
some of the ladies in the church reviewed last year. The title is Forgiveness. Flipping through the pages,
she finds a highlighted section. “See,” she says, pointing to a quote from
Matthew 5:21–25. Then she draws Jill’s attention to a couple of verses she sees
as key.
But I tell you, that anyone
who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment.
“Think mother instead of brother here,”
interjects Julie. “And this too.” She points to another verse.
Therefore, if you are
offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has
something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go
and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift.
“If Daniel doesn’t forgive you, how can he
continue to go to church?”
“I guess I should have joined you last year for these
sessions. May I borrow this book?”
Concerned about
her son’s reaction Jill asks for help
Jill’s desire to meet with Daniel grows stronger over the next few
days. She calls Bill.
“Bill, I need your help.”
“What would you like?”
“For you to be with me when I meet with Daniel? I don’t need you to
say anything, just be there.”
haiku capsule:
heated words spoken
genuine words of sorrow
forgiveness needed.
Next blog:
Forgive
and Forget
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