Forgive and Forget
 |
Is forgiving an
indiscretion enough or is forgetting also necessary?
 |
Many
reasons may be attributed to forgiving someone for a hurtful action. A major
advantage of the request for forgiveness is that it opens the door for
discussion and developing understandings. A misunderstanding or deep sorrow for
an inappropriate action makes forgiving a person easy, as does the promise not to repeat
the unacceptable deed. Forgetting, wiping the event from one’s memory so that
it doesn’t exit any longer, should present little problem.
If
the wrong doing is very painful or repeated frequently, forgiving is more
challenging. Still for the sake of peace of mind or building a positive future
forgiveness could be granted but forgetting is another story. Fear of being
hurt again means remembering what happened in the past so it can be avoided in
the future. One may not continually hold up the disturbing event, but mentally
one will remain wary. For a repeated offensive action many more positive deeds
is needed before a changed nature will erase the past misdeeds.
Struggles
of forgiving and forgetting are frequent themes in my novel, Baggage Burdens. A particularly difficult challenge
is presented to Daniel when his mother asks for forgiveness. For most of his
life he has viewed his mother as a self-centered person who has caused her
marriage breakup. Still his religious upbringing calls for him to forgive. The
forgetting part he admits he has to work at.
Be short and to the point, Jill tells herself. Admit I was wrong and ask him to forgive me.
“Daniel, there’s
a noticeable tension between us. Eve’s noticed it. Bill’s noticed it. I’m sure
you’re aware of it. I know I’m aware of it. And it’s starting to create
problems.” Jill expects the next words to come out of her mouth to be, and I want it stopped. “I really want to
see if we can put a stop to this.” Jill appreciates her improved phrasing.
“I’ve been trying to figure out what I’ve done to anger you. Now I could be
completely wrong about this, but I suspect your anger has been simmering for a
long time. I’m wondering if it has anything, anything at all to do with my
desire to have you take home schooling when you were little.”
Jill notices
surprise on Daniel’s face.
“At the time, I
wanted you to be home with Amber and me so we could be a close family. My
mistake was not thinking about what you wanted. Your father had to straighten
me out.” She pauses. The first sentence is all she intended to say. “More than
once. I want to apologize for thinking only of what I wanted. I’m sure you can
probably think of more examples like that, but I want to tell you I plan to be
more careful. Do you think you can even begin to forgive me?”
“You’re right. I’ve
been seeing you as selfish for a long time. I often wanted to tell you that to
your face, but Dad wouldn’t let me. You say you’re changing. I’ll have to learn
to start seeing that. I don’t know how well I will do. My instinctive reaction
is to suspect you don’t care about anyone accept yourself. It’s become a habit.
I can tell you that I’ll work on it, but I may not always see it.”
“Me too, Daniel.
I’ll work on taking your feelings into consideration. My habit won’t be any
easier to break.”
“As for forgiving
you, I can say I will start. Forgiving you means I can accept you had good
reasons for your actions. I don’t know what they are. And I don’t want to know,
at least not right now. I’m afraid I may take them as excuses. All I can say is
that for now, I will assume you had good reasons. Maybe, in time, I will be
ready to hear and understand them. Is that fair?”
“Yes, Daniel. A
start is all I ask.” Jill has an overwhelming urge to rush over and hug Daniel,
but she sees no sign of him being willing to accept it. His squirming suggests
uneasiness.
“I’m sure you
must realize this all comes as a shock to me. My desire to leave now means I
need time to work this development out.” He glances at Bill and then again at
his mother.
“Certainly,” says
Bill. Jill echoes his response.
Daniel says his
good-byes and leaves without looking back. When Jill hears his truck drive off,
she says, “Sounds hopeful, don’t you think?”
 |
haiku capsule:
meaningful regrets
repent to brighten future
forgive and forget.
No comments:
Post a Comment