Growing Beyond
I, Me, & Myself
When bitter experiences have taught one not to trust anyone, how does one change? Of course, that presumes that one wants to change in the first place. Alcoholics have to hit rock bottom before they realize that they need a change, a change that they can’t do by themselves. What a scary recognition! Who do you trust? How do you know you can trust them? How close do you let them get? How long does it take for that trust to develop?
As hard as it is for a super sensitive person to break out of their shell, it is equally challenging for family members and friends who wish to be a source of support. After the pain of several backsliding responses some choose to give up. Their hope for change dilutes. Others distance themselves from the irritating self-centeredness, while still others stay close and cope with the many dentist-needle bite frustrations. Choices for trusting someone diminish.
In my novel, Helping Hands, a companion to Baggage burdens. Jill has hit rock bottom. Her husband has divorced her, she’s coming home from a six-week stint in the hospital saddled with back pain from an accident. She has no car and her employer is not yet ready to take her back. Her children are following a different life plan than she expected.
In her hours of need, she finds the only person she can count on is someone she believes betrayed her. How could she? She has to face that question when he asks her, “you do trust me?”
important healing step––
finding out the truth
“It’s worth a try. Trust me.” Seeing Jill’s silence, Bill asks again, “You do trust me?”
Bill’s question opens a wound that Jill tries to ignore. My friend, the one I met in Chicago, the one I trusted, the one who sided with Joseph when Joseph said he wanted to divorce me. Jill recalls Joseph’s words, ”Even Bill understands why I’m so frustrated with you.” How could he? And now he asks if I trust him?
Her betrayal memory burns like hot coals on bare feet. She looks at Bill, sitting, leaning back in his chair, always leaning back waiting. Waiting for an answer, like I’m having a session in his office. Why does he have to be so much like a counselor?
Wrinkles cross Bill’s face.
I’ve got to tell him something. If I tell him why I can’t trust him …The prospect of Bill leaving worries Jill. He’s been easy to share personal concerns with. That didn’t happen much with Joseph.
Her decision to leave Bill’s skeleton in the closet is cut short by Bill’s earlier words: “What’s important is that Daniel can see that you’re trying, that you want to fix things up.”
If I tell Bill that I know that he sided with Joseph about leaving me, will he see that I’m trying to fix things, or will it tell him I’m dragging up old wounds, wounds that will separate us? Will he apologize, like I’m supposed to do with Daniel? Jill looks at Bill, trying to predict his response. If he does apologize, will I feel like I can trust him?
Answers evade her. Jill begins to suspect that Bill is becoming impatient even though he hasn’t moved. His patience irritates her. If he’d only do something, say something, I could react to that. She looks down, avoiding Bill’s searching eyes. Do I really care that he took Joseph’s side?
The once-buried grievance causes her to boil. She realizes that if Daniel has issues with her like she has with Bill, then she should know about it.
Taking a deep breath, she looks up and pokes the memory of Bill’s disloyalty. “How can you ask me to trust you? You betrayed me.” She’s surprised at the pain that instantly blankets Bill’s face. It takes a couple of seconds before he can speak.
“Whoa! Where is this coming from?” Bill sits up in his chair as he tries to figure out what has given rise to this attack.
“You said you understood why Joseph wanted to leave me. Don’t deny it. Joseph told me. I thought you were my friend. Then you sided with Joseph? You betrayed me! Now you want me to trust you, to do something I’m not too keen on?”
Controlling his voice, Bill responds, “You’re right. I did tell Joseph that I understood his frustration. Joseph agreed to buy a house for you that he felt he couldn’t afford. To make it work, he put in hours of overtime. Then you criticized him for not spending enough time at home. That I said I understood. Not that he leave you. He claimed you were incapable of being loving. I said I thought you were a loving person. I still think so.”
“You didn’t encourage him to leave me?”
“No. Remember, I tried to bring the two of you together to work out your differences.” He pauses. “As for you not being comfortable talking to Daniel, then don’t do it. If you have a better solution, go with that. Or if you think you can comfortably continue with the way things are now, then do so.”
haiku capsule:
Once you betrayed me.
How can I trust you again?
A thin ice prospect
Nextblog: The Case of the Falsely Blamed Dollar
Order the e-book from kindle or kobo now or your soft cover from Amazon.
How have you seen trust rebuilt?
I’d love to use it on my new website that’s being developed.
All comments will be entered for a draw on the Baggage burdens.companion novel.
No comments:
Post a Comment