Building a Trust

Building a Trust 

How do you win someone’s trust, especially when you begin with two strikes against you? That’s the position that I put Bill Wynchuck in in Baggage burdens. He would like to befriend Jill Kreshky, but he doesn’t know the challenge he has embarked on. He’s behind the eight ball because he is a man. The abusive treatment that Jill received at the hands of her alcoholic father and the broken promise from Dave, Jill’s kind-of-boyfriend, means men’s motivations are suspect. 

Accepting a person even when you disagree with some of their actions is a good first step. That strategy gives Bill a half-opened door. Jill is at least willing to talk with him and discover he isn’t too bad. That doesn’t mean she willing go out of her way to meet with him. Valuing her as a person who has good ideas helps to strengthen their bond.

Their relationship grows a bit closer when Jill realizes that she is alone, an unwelcome circumstance. Luck, you might think is another ingredient for developing a trust connection. You might be right or you could look at it as one who is willing to wait patiently until the person you want to know better is ready to talk with you. Risky. That opportunity may never come. True. That means one must be very patient and even optimistic.

The rapport that does develop between Bill and Jill is fragile, a condition he’s not aware of. Any little thing can cause it to dissolve. In his case the destructive element isn’t even his own action. Jill’s perception is enough for Bill’s strike two. She mistakenly thinks he betrayed her. First chance she gets she ditches him, even though he has a record of kindness. You might think or feel Bill’s efforts were all for nothing.

However, by this time the foundation of being caring makes it possible for Jill to change her mind, to reach out. The trait of accepting another in spite of their odd actions means there is an element of forgiving. The factors that built an almost completely trust bond were of Bill being accepting, forgiving, patient and projecting an impression that he regarded her as an important person causes Jill to value her friendship with Bill, value it to the point of wanting to remove the dark shadow that taints their becoming even closer.

  

Bill’s Accepting, Forgiving Nature

Jill leans against the counter as if she can’t concentrate enough to keep her balance.

“And how did you treat him? Bill offered to drive you home from the hospital. And you took a cab. You let him come there for nothing.” Pointing at her mother, Amber says, “You made him look like a fool.”

“Hey! Where are you getting all this?”

“I told you Mr. Wynchuk came to Aunt Rebecca’s dinner on Friday. He was hurt. I’ve never seen him so low. He told us you left before he got there. He learned you took a cab. It’s like you didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. He couldn’t figure out what he’d done wrong. Uncle Thomas and Aunt Rebecca tried to lift his spirits, but they didn’t really succeed. Mom. How could you be so mean? He’s such a nice man.”

***

Knowing that Bill serves at the Wellness Center in the evening, Jill calls at lunchtime. She expects a cutting remark when Bill hears her on the line. It’s not his nature, but she feels she deserves it. She’s been home from the hospital for more than a week, and she hasn’t called him to explain her quick departure. To her surprise, she receives a casual greeting. He politely inquiries about how she is adjusting to home life. 

Jill admits she was wrong to leave the hospital instead of waiting for him. No sooner does she begin with “I wasn’t thinking clearly…” than Bill stops her. 

“No need to explain. I thought you might want some time to adjust to being home, to talk with your children.” 

Him accepting her apology surprises her. Jill is speechless. After Bill voices one of her prepared excuses, relief sweeps over her. Remembering the other reason for her phone call, Jill tells him that she and the children would like him to join them for supper next Sunday. She includes the children because she thinks that Bill might not want to come if it is only her desire. She can’t believe that Bill has no sore feelings about her deserting him. Still thinking that Bill will reject her offer, she has prepared herself to tell Amber that she tried. 

Bill accepts her invitation.

Haiku capsule:

Engaging person 

Can I be her companion?

Alluring challenge

Next Blog: 

Fighting Fire with Fire