Fighting Fire with Fire

Fighting Fire with Fire 

You’ve heard of fighting fire with fire, perhaps in the context of a forest fire, a good strategy. However, it is not a good strategy when applied to human relationships. Imagine or even worse remember where one driver cuts off a second driver. The horn blares from the second driver. The first driver sends a blast furious because he had to put up with a slow pace. A how-dare-you-complain response from the second driver sets up the conditions for road rage development. Fire feeds fire.

The best response to a hurry-up- horn blast that I’ve seen came from a female student driver. When stopped at the next set of lights she turned around, smiled and waved to the impatient driver. Then she looked forward and drove away when the traffic moved again. What a way of diffusing tension! Others who have signaled and cut in front of another driver have waved a presumed-permission thank you to cut off the expected horn blast. 

This is the lesson that a young teen-age girl in my novel, Baggage burdens. needed to learn, a lesson her mother knew well. 

Jill’s father’s frustrated roar breaks through. 

“He said he wouldn’t drink anymore!” Jill’s outburst erupts, as she fails to contain her fury. 

Her mother doesn’t respond. Righteous anger forces the seventeen-year old to her feet. She stands up to face her father. 

“He’d better go downstairs and call his AA buddy.” Jill summons her courage; then advances intent to demonstrate her conviction and redirect her father downstairs.

Alice scrambles after her angry daughter. “Jill, don’t.”

“Don’t what? That was the deal. He said if he ever comes home drunk again we could tell him he had to call his AA buddy. We could remind him of it. He agreed to that. Remember?” The volume of her voice rises.

Jill advances again toward the top of the stairs planning to meet her father before he reaches the top step. The smoke from the cigarette, which he tossed on the top of the stairs nips at her nostrils. ‘Step on it,’ flashes through her mind. Before she can act, her mother’s objection interrupts.

 “Yes, but . . .”  

Jill wheels around and faces her mother. “But what?”

Alice can’t find the words quickly enough to explain how Jill’s provocative voice could ignite an emotional explosion and possibly a violent confrontation. The frustrated growling from the porch announces an intoxicated struggle to get out of outside clothes. 

“Let me talk to him. Pleeease go to your room.” Alice’s pleading voice weakens Jill’s resolve.

Grumbling continues to bounce off the porch walls.

“Let me help you,” insists the indignant girl. “We have to stand up to him. We’re stronger together.”

“No. Please. Go to your room. Quickly.” Alice sees her desperate pleading reduce Jill’s determination. “Remember last time,” she adds.

Alice’s reference ignites the fear Jill hoped to permanently suppress. Three months earlier, overflowing with confidence from her year of weight training and the school’s women’s defensive course, Jill confronted her drunken father in the kitchen. She dared to challenge his behavior. Result: a neck jarring slap in the face. With pent up fury Jill delivered a similar action. 

Her father exploded. 

In Jill’s case letting a cooler head intervene serves to reduce the possibility of a violent confrontation. The female driver’s wave and smile cooled another heated response. A quick thank-you wave heads off an angry horn blast from the driver who was cut off. To prevent angry situations from getting out of hand, what action or words can you think of to head off escalating expressions of disapproval? Adopting a strategy, a head of time means it can be implemented immediately. Having to think of a cool-headed-response on the spot may take too long. Hasty reactions might result in an emotional explosion.

Haiku capsule:

volatile people 

prepare cool-headed response

water dousing fire

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OBSESSION