Obsession

OBSESSION 

An obsessive person can drive one crazy. At first one may be tempted to admire a person’s determination, but when that focus persists even when more important challenges arise one is often surprised or even frustrated. A more exasperating experience is when one is not aware of the goal being pursued. The person’s actions strike you as illogical, maybe even irritating. Relationships become strained.  This is the situation that Jill is in in my novel, Baggage burdens.

Jill’s goal is to be a better mother than her mother was. Her admirable goal becomes distorted. She must be the best parent in her own family. That means she must be a better mother than her husband is a father, a view to be held by all her children. Game on, except that Joseph doesn’t know that he is in a contest. He is content to be a good father, which he is. 

The problem? The children’s excitement over an activity done with their father spurs Jill to try harder to be even better, to win the children back to her side. During their holidays when Joseph and Jill are together they experience a loving relationship. The moment these parents are back in their homes Jill turns the atmosphere into a competitive one and drives a wedge between her and her husband.

For Jill, her success is one child away. Her eldest son finds he has more in common with his father. Jill’s actions to win his heart serves to frustrate both her son and her husband, particularly when Jill attempts to undercut Joseph’s love for his children. Yes, an obsessively driven person can play unfair.

In the scene below Jill and Joseph are returning from a wonderful holiday in Hawaii. Thoughts of returning to her children bring Jill back into a competitive frame of mind.

Absent-mindedly, Jill follows Joseph to board the plane. The long line crawls. 

No one wants to leave this beautiful place, she thinks. 

Joseph reminds her to take out her passport for the airline steward. “Missing the holiday already?” he asks, as they board the plane. 

Jill nods. 

“What did you like the best?”

After some thought, she says, “Everything. Absolutely everything.”

“Me too.”

Once the plane takes off, Jill returns to Joseph’s question—“What did you like the best?” The holiday highlights pass the time until they’re in the air. Jill glances at Joseph. He’s already asleep. 

Jill’s analysis returns. Why can’t I be as close to Daniel as Joseph is? She lists times she missed being out with Daniel and Joseph—the annual church father-son campouts brings regret. Church leaders said, “Too often the boys were valued farm labor. Fathers needed time to connect with their sons.” What about mothers?laments Jill. How are we supposed to build stronger connections with our sons? The first year, Joseph and Daniel went fishing. The campout was such a success that the father-son outings became an annual affair.

Jill had hoped that Joseph’s proposal for a skating rink for the family would bring them closer together. He always cleared the snow from the nearby pond and pumped water from beneath to flood the surface. The whole family bought skates. Benches were set out off to one side so they could rest and roast wieners. Many times Daniel helped his father shovel the snow off the rink. At first the family skated together. Then neighborhood boys heard about the rink. Many came to play hockey, even if they didn’t have skates. The following year, most of the boys brought skates. More and more, family skating gave way to hockey. The neighbors’ boys all came to their place even though other parents made rinks in their own yards. 

Probably Joseph’s pizzas, guesses Jill. He made and served them after the kids finished their game. Playing hockey at their place became a tradition. For Daniel, Joseph was his hero. Daniel’s popularity in the school grew.

Haiku capsule:

Competitive time

Contest to be best parent

Winning at all costs

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Treating Symptoms