Abuse

A B U S E 

Abuse. The horrors that victims endure during their torturous time seem unbelievable. How could anyone harm another person so selfishly? The recent “me to” stories reveal that the effects of mistreatment last for a long time. It makes the maltreatment even more abhorrent. 

The victim’s shame often leaves the consequences of the mistreatment hidden. All that may be experienced by others is latent psychological effects. PTSD victims often explode or burrow into themselves. Silence is their visible sign of deep troubles. Many abuse victims manage to cope with daily living making them seem okay. However, seeing a particular sight or hearing certain words results in a flashback and actions that seem out of context to friends or family. Those actions may even result in others drifting away leaving the victim more isolated with their hang-up. At times strange deep engrained values appear. Because of the intensity of the expressed values, the cause of those values is rarely explored. Without airing the cause of those values the latent abuse effect remains untreated. 

The above shared insights became known to me when I befriended an intelligent person seen by others as “weird” or “strange.” Her odd thoughts or actions caused others to drift away from her when it didn’t appear to be obvious. When circumstances paired us together I noted her unexpected avoidance. Her sadness, her desire to be alone to wrestle with a problem that arose from some of her behaviors opened the door to caring questions. Then scales of secrecy began to slip a bit, and then a bit more. With her admission of experiencing abuse as a child came understandings of present “strange” behaviors and reasons why others, even family chose to distance themselves from her. It is that reality that motivated the telling of Jill’s struggles in the novel, Baggage burdens.

A Disturbing Unexpected Action

“Jill. I have a question.”

“Uh-huh.” 

“It’s kind of—of a sensitive one.” 

She closes her book and looks at Joseph. His serious expression dismisses the sun’s soothing rays on her back.

“Remember when we were walking to Waikiki Beach in the morning?”

Jill nods.

“Well, I saw the skateboarder coming. I reached out to pull you to safety. You pulled away.” Joseph pauses. “Why?”

Jill looks down at her closed book. Joseph waits for Jill to offer an explanation. 

“I was trying to protect you, but you jumped away like I was trying to hurt you.” His statement hangs there. “Did you think I was going to hurt you?”

Jill nods.

“Why?”

Jill searches for an explanation. The only answer she comes up with is one she is sure Joseph won’t understand. 

 “It’s instinctive,” she mumbles. 

“Instinctive! Then you really did think I was going to hurt you. I could see it if it was someone else, but, but me—” 

Jill remains silent.

Joseph says, “I’m confused. There are times we touch each other in such tender ways—” He pauses. “—like last night. Then in really important times, like when it comes to your safety, I can’t do a thing for you. I don’t want to see you hurt. I want to prevent it. Standing by and watching you get hurt—you know, that’s so frustrating.”

Haiku capsule:

Some strange behaviors

Unbelievable backlash

Trouble. Step away.

Next Blog: 

Road to Reconciliation