Tolerate Me––No Thanks

Tolerate Me––No Thanks

Have you ever been a member of a group only to find you're invisible? Members tolerate you. You may wander freely among them, attend their social functions, but forget about building any personal relationships. An early learned-lesson is you may be an observer but not a participant in people’s lives. Derogatory comments about your behavior or beliefs leave you belittled and questioning why should you remain here.

A strong self-concept person may weather the cool welcoming climate. If your self worth is low, as is the case for Jill in Baggage Burdens., then standing out of the crowd hurts. Many times these are Jill’s experiences when she attends her husband’s church. The Baggage Burdens. novel shines a light on the personal pain from shallow enfolding.

Following a worship service Jill heard Gertrude Wicksberg and Bertha Polluck whispering. They were in the supply room cutting a couple of banana loafs to replenish a dessert tray. Bertha had implied that Jill must have been a hellion before she married. That’s why the Lord refused to bless Jill with more children. Gertrude had supported her position by pointing out that part of Jill’s reprimand was having a stillborn child.

Jill’s hand had touched the supply room door handle to burst into the room and serve them with a helping of fire and brimstone. Bertha’s response, “What kind of terrible thing could she have gotten into?” stopped Jill.

Why Do You Want Us to Leave?

 “You don’t think I know what the people here think of me and why? Just because I enjoy spending time with my children and teaching and seeing them learn, they think I’m some kind of alien or weirdo. For some reason they feel threatened. I don’t say they should do what I’m doing. But they have no right to try to tell me what to do either.”

Joseph imagines which parents Jill is referring to. ‘Perhaps Gertrude.’ He suspects for a long time Jill wanted to challenge them.

“They don’t accept me. And if they think I’ll change for them they’re badly mistaken. I’m not going to let them or anyone control me.”

While Jill keeps a firm control on the volume her voice, her tone tells Joseph why her face is red; her hands are clenched.

Later when Jill attends Anne’s church, she finds them more than tolerating, more than friendly.

They are truly communal.

haiku capsule

                                                                            Overheard gossip.

                                                                            Differences not accepted.

Tolerate me––NO.

Next blog: To serve is not work.