Change Agent

  Change Agent

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Wow! What a change agent! That’s the impression I received after reading this message: “A true friend will never try to change you, but you will change for a true friend.”

What kind of person might this true friend be? All kinds of traits crop up. Depending upon a person’s circumstances different personality traits might be more valuable at one time than another. However, it is not just the friend’s traits that are important, it is also how one perceives that friend. In musing about the nature of a true friend certain elements standout: unquestioned caring, respect, and deep understanding leading to a devoted trust, all of which take time to establish. While a family setting may provide a fertile ground for such a relationship to grow, my novel, Baggage burdens. shows other settings too.

Sometimes it is not easy to qualify to be someone’s true friend. Jill, the protagonist, in my novel is such a person.  Because of some very stressful past relationships, Jill has promised herself that no one again will ever control or influence her. Rely on yourself. Trust no one. She told herself. For more than twenty years she honors that commitment. Only a few people (Joseph, her husband, Julie her second cousin, Mary, a friend and employer, and Bill, a Family Conference friend) have temporarily gained her trust and influenced Jill. The only person Jill feels she has absolute love, admiration, respect, and trust for her is Amanda, Jill’s eldest daughter. It is Amanda who will initiate a profound and ultimately a life-changing challenge for Jill.

A voice wakes Jill. Scrambling to grasp reality Jill guesses she hears Amber from the kitchen. ‘She’s home so soon. Oh yes. It’s Saturday. The groceries.’ Jill quickly manufactures a confident face for her daughter. Together they put the groceries away.

Jill is unaware that Amber is biding her time. Amber’s brother and some boys from the church are painting the fence for the Boys and Girls Club. Sarah is at her part time job. When the groceries are put away, Amber fires her first question.

“How did you get home from the hospital Thursday?”

“What do you mean how?” Jill buys time to consider her response.

“Just that. How did you get home? Who brought you?”

“A cab. Why?”

“Didn’t Mr. Wynchuk offer you a ride?

“I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Okay. Yes he did.”

“And you didn’t let him take you home?”

“Maybe I didn’t want him to know where we live.”

“Buuull shiiiit!” Amber’s voice reaches two octaves above her previous question.

“Amber! Your language!”

“What? You find it offensive? It stinks? I can understand that. It’s like your last answer. It stinks. It stinks so bad I have to turn my face away.”

“Amber, you’re over reacting.”

“You expect me to believe you were worried Mr. Wynchuk would know where we live? Don’t you think he was visiting Dad and the rest of us while you were in the hospital? Come on?”

It never occurred to Jill that Bill spent time with her family. ‘I thought he’d only phone them.’

“He helped us in so many ways. How could you? How could you ditch him?”

“For that very reason,” Jill fires back confident she is about to gain the upper hand. “He’s done so much for us. I’ll never be able to repay him. The worse thing I can do is add to that debt.”

“Your debt? You think he was only helping you. Let me tell you he was helping the whole family.”

Amber reads Jill’s surprise.

“Yes, the whole family, Sarah, Matthew, Daniel, me and Aunt Julie.”

“Really!”

“Julie couldn’t take care of all of us so I got farmed out to Daniel. He and I fought. Then Dad came. Who do you think convinced Dad to come?”

“Daniel.” Jill answers confidently.

“Wrong! Mr. Wynchuk. He talked Dad into coming back while you were in the hospital. Mr. Wynchuk said we all really need his help.”

“Oh no.” Shock wracks Jill’s response.

“So you see if there is a debt then it is one that the whole family owes Bill, not just you. Right?”

Amber’s pause forces a nod from Jill.

“But with Mr. Wynchuk there is no such thing as debt. He’s helping because he cares a lot for us. He expects nothing in return.”

Amber sees and ignores Jill shaking her head in disagreement.

“Do you know he picked us up after you were in the accident?”

Jill nods.

“Do you know he visited you almost every day that you were in the hospital?”

“I heard something about that.”

“And why do you think he was so attentive?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you blind? Can’t you see he loves you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re too young to know about love.”

“He does. Who else would lavish so much attention on anyone?”

“You’re too young to know about that kind of love.”

“Really! Then why do you think he devotes so much time to you?”

“I told you I don’t know. But it’s not love. I haven’t given him any reason to love me.”

“So I’m too young to know what’s going on. And you’re, you’re too, too confused to know what’s going on. How about Aunt Rebecca? Do you think she has a good grasp of reality? Would you trust what she says?”

Not knowing what else to do, Jill nods.

“She thinks Mr. Wynchuk is a lonely man.”

“Nonsense.”

“Ask her. I did.”

“He has lots of friends in church and at the Wellness Center.”

 “Aunt Rebecca says since he lost his wife he has no one with whom he trusts to share his private thoughts, his hopes, his concerns. Certainly the people at the Wellness Center wouldn’t qualify. They have enough troubles of their own. Aunt Rebecca says he has a hard time sharing anything really personal. Only now, after Uncle Thomas and Aunt Rebecca have invited him for supper to their place several times is he starting to open up.”

“Sharing personal things? Like what?”

“I don’t know. Aunt Rebecca wouldn’t say. Has he ever shared anything really personal with you?”

Jill thinks back to the time when they were in Chicago. Revelations about being unable to help Donna, about being uncomfortable sitting by her still body surface.

Jill's non-answer prompts, “He has. I can see it in your face. You see. He is lonely. He’s looking for some one to love, someone to love him.”

Jill shakes her head.

“Don’t believe me? Then ask Aunt Rebecca. Those were her conclusions.”

Jill leans against the counter as if she can’t concentrate enough to keep her balance.

“And how did you treat him? He offered to drive you home. And you took a cab. You let him come for nothing. You made him look like a fool.”

“Hey! Where are you getting all this?”

“I told you Mr. Wynchuk came to Aunt Rebecca’s dinner on Friday. He was hurt. I’ve never seen him so low. He told us you left before he got there. He learned you took a cab. It’s like you didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. He couldn’t figure out what he’d done wrong. Uncle Thomas and Aunt Rebecca tried to lift his spirits, but they didn’t really succeed. Mom. How could you be so mean? He’s such a nice man.”

“Amber, I’ve missed six weeks of my life. I’m still trying to get my bearings.”

Jill looks at her daughter who is expecting a reasonable explanation. She wants to say she needs time to adjust to the changes she’s seen in the family. They’re so unexpected. Adding the wrinkle of another person would be too much to handle.

 ‘No. Amber can’t suspect I can’t cope.’ Watching Amber’s faith in her dissolve forces Jill to say, “Maybe I misread things.” Jill hopes her confession dampens Amber’s anger.

“Then you should explain that to Mr. Wynchuk. Call him up. Apologize. Even invite him over for supper, like we used to.”

“I don’t know Amber.”

“Well, you better do something, because right now your actions are stinking up this whole place.

        haiku capsule:                 

Daughter’s biting words     

“Redeem a hurting friendship.”

A repentance call.

Next blog:  Three Blind Men