"You're Wrong." A Matter of Perspective

“You’re Wrong.” A Matter of Perspective   

You’re wrong is an unwelcome comment, especially if it applies to areas of personal interest. What makes one way of doing something better than another way? Value for a particular behavior is often amplified if harm is perceived when there is a departure from the norm. However harm, like beauty, is seen in the eyes of the beholder. Disagreement on the potential injury makes a resolution difficult. A contest of wills may begin. When community standards are challenged, social disapproval often forces most deviating individuals to comply. The problem with using peer pressure is, it is ineffective when a person doesn’t feel like they are an important part of the group. Attempts to ostracize a challenging person could drive them from the community. A shortsighted reaction may say good rid dens. That person is now someone else’s problem.

While social peace may result if another group welcomes that person, a strong-willed isolated person may harbor anger and seek ways to strike back. A person with a low self-esteem may try to escape from reality, from the impression that they are unworthy of a degree of flexibility. Drugs or alcohol become routes to flee from an intolerant society. Flight from an unfriendly group may also take the form of suicide.

How a rejected person may respond is too difficult to predict. What is certain is that, most of the time; hurt individuals rarely can initiate their own healing. Some one else needs to show an interest, a respect. a value for them. Hopefully the sympathizers are ones who build community and not try to punish it.

In my novel, Baggage burdens. Jill finds herself on the fringes of a community because of her efforts to complete her high school education. She places herself further outside their mores when she chooses to home school her daughter. Her strong will and supportive husband enables her to survive but not be happy. Eventually Jill learns that she was wrong to think that her differing perspectives on how to live life would be compatible. Unfortunately the learning path involved much pain.

 “You don’t think I know what the people here think of me and why? Just because I enjoy spending time with my children and teaching and seeing my children learn, they think I’m some kind of alien or weirdo. For some reason they feel threatened. I don’t say they should do what I’m doing. But they have no right to try to tell me what to do either.”

Joseph imagines which parents Jill is referring to. ‘Perhaps Gertrude.’

“They don’t accept me. And if they think I’ll change for them they’re badly mistaken. I’m not going to let them or anyone control me.”

Jill keeps a firm control on the volume of her voice, but her tone tells Joseph why her face is red; her hands are clenched.

 “Jill. I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten the suggestion you made about us moving to Camrose. As you can imagine, it is a difficult decision for me to make.” He sees Jill nodding. “You do still want to move, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Jill answers simply and without hesitation.

“Perhaps you can help me again appreciate why such an action is so important for you.” He faces Jill.

Jill thinks for a while. When she speaks, her words come out in a calm confident voice, as if she anticipated the request. “When we went out for dinner, our fourteenth anniversary I think, I asked you to explain why you decided that Daniel should continue going to the church school. Remember?”

Joseph nods.

“You said what makes Daniel happy is being with his friends.” Again Jill waits for Joseph to nod. “That same idea applies to me. I don’t have any friends at your church. Oh, they tolerate me, but they aren’t my friends.”

Jill sees Joseph take a deep breath. Anticipating his objection she quickly adds, “Except for Rebecca, Rebecca and Thomas.

“Don’t think I haven’t heard the whispers about me being headstrong, not knowing my place, feeling I’m too good for them. I’ve heard it all.” Decibels rise in Jill’s voice. I know they don’t like the fact that I took courses to improve myself and that I’m homeschooling my girls. I’ve tried to explain to them why I want to do it. The next week I hear the same people griping about the same thing. I might as well have been talking to a wall. If they think I’m going to change to suit them, they’re dead wrong. No one is going to control me.”

 haiku capsule:                 

Dare to be yourself.     

Wrong to ignore peer pressure.

You chose loneliness.

Next blog:  Change Agent