LOVE is Not BLIND

Love Is Not Blind  

                                                          

The “love is blind,” quote is often used to show that one doesn’t see the shortcomings in their spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend. One might says that you overlook the faults of the one you love. For the person who doesn’t make an issue about their partner or friend’s fault, it may seem like a compliment, a passing compliment, but it is not an honors compliment. Much more can be done.

In my novel, Baggage burdens. the approach of not challenging one who has behavioral problems is present in the lives of Frank and Alice Rezley, Jill’s parents. Alice doesn’t pressure Frank to quit drinking. She realizes it’s a symptom of a deeper problem. Alice’s love is more intentional and caring. She pays close attention to the influences impacting her husband, deduces the cause of his disturbing actions, and takes compensating actions. This isn’t a woman who isn’t blind about her husband’s faults. This is a loving woman who is very much aware of Frank’s shortcomings and their causes. Frank is blessed to be the beneficiary of such a deep, rich love.

In the two passages below Kathy tells her sister, Jill, what she learned from her mother about Frank before her mother died.

“Mom told me that at heart Father had an inferiority complex. It mostly disappeared when he became known as a wizard with engines. That changed a few years after I was born. He doubted he was a good father.”

Frank began comparing himself with other fathers at work. The ones that caught his ear were men who had sons, sons who were older and could horse around with their father in various sports activities. In Frank’s mind taking his daughter to church, out for ice cream or to the show were non-events. Frank had nothing to share with his fellow workers. Kathy didn’t play piano, dance or sing. Frank felt like he wasn’t connecting with his children, he couldn’t relate to them. He had nothing to brag about. As a result his inferiority complex kicked in. He was an inadequate father.

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“Remember the first school play you asked us all to attend?”

Jill nods.

“Well Father encouraged many of his friends at work to come. He said you were in the play. He failed to realize that you worked in the play. You were a set designer. His friends later asked which character you were. He had to admit he was wrong. You weren’t an actor. He felt so embarrassed. Mom said it took a long time after that before he asked about your school involvements. Later she learned he’d been teased about how little he knew about his children.”

“So, you’re saying Mom felt sorry for Father?”

“More than that. I think she tried to get him to overlook the mistakes and see that he was a good father. She pointed out that we were hard working like he was. We had high marks at school. We were well dressed, respectful, orderly. I think she tried to build up his image of a good father in ways that he would appreciate. Mom said that is what you do for the people you love.”

“So Mom loved him.” Jill shook her head. The man her mother painted was so different from what she thought he was.

“Mom loved her man, a vulnerable man,” says Kathy.

                                                                                        haiku capsule:   

              

observant lover

sees causes of spouse’s pain

penetrating eyes

Next blog: Responding to Failure