UNHEALTHY
FAILURE RESPONSES
Like breathing, failure is a part of life. No one is
perfect. The big question is what does one do after experiencing a failure. There
are many reactions to a disappointment, but they can be classified into two
broad categories––unhealthy and healthy. For the moment let’s consider the
former by looking at the nature of the reaction and some consequences.
Identifying negative responses after failing to
achieve a goal or a dream provides a writer with valuable tools to increase tension
in a story. Blaming others for your
failure is not unusual. Such a person may then consider attacking the scapegoat or getting
even.
In my novel, Baggage burdens. Greg perceives that one of
his friends is a better poker player than he is. To break his friend’s winning
streak and throw him off his game, Greg accuses him of cheating. Greg’s
strategy works. His friend starts losing. He doesn’t come to future games, but Greg
doesn’t care. What a villous character! No wonder Greg’s friends are guests who
come to his party for the free food, booze, and music. Getting even isn’t a better
response. Because of an unwanted sexual advance Jill steals some of Greg’s
poker winnings. Later, not only does her conscience bother her, but she fears that
Greg will find her and get even too.
If one thinks the stumbling block that caused the
failure is too great, then running away
is an option. Jill chooses this option. She moves to a different city to get
away from Dave, her former boyfriend, former because of an unwanted sexual
encounter. When he finds her, she moves to a different province. Her decision
results in her being separated from her loving grandmother for almost thirty
years.
Dave’s attempt to find and meet with Jill to
apologize fails. He can’t help dwelling
on his loss. His shock paralyzes
his dreams for years. He’s like a dog gnawing on an old dry bone. Jill too,
can’t help but dwell on her failure to get her father to quit drinking. Fear of
his beatings last. Almost thirty years later Jill still can’t get over the
frustrations with her father. Her inability to deal with her father almost
prevents her from going back to Ontario to visit her ill grandmother.
While the characters’ actions illustrate
disadvantages to unhealthy responses to failure, something is missing. The
depth of the character’s pain is best seen through their feelings. The next two
excerpts exemplify the emotional consequences.
 |
“One
spring afternoon I was driving Joseph’s truck to pick him up from the market. I
stepped on the brakes and started sliding into the intersection. I decided I’d
end up in the middle so I drove right through. I didn’t think anything of it
until a ticket came in the mail. The picture showed me driving. Joseph said
he’d pay the fine and be done with it. I objected. The roads were very
slippery. I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t driving without due care and caution. Anyway, I went to court. Have you
ever gone to court?” Jill looks again at Bill.
He
shakes his head.
“It’s
scary. At least for me it is. I watched the judge lecture three accused people
before me. Words like road safety, watch out for others, you’re not the only one on the road,
accused the people before me of being immature, irresponsible. The last guy, a
young guy, was even told to grow up.
The judge seemed to be on mission, crucify poor drivers.”
She
doesn’t tell Bill that the judge’s attacks reminded her of her father.
“Then
it was my turn. I’m sure he saw me shaking like a leaf in the wind. He smiled
and helped me explain why I came to court. My only defense was to describe the
nature of the roads. I presented a copy of newspaper article describing the
roads and weather at the time. I had no other evidence. I knew it was wrong to
drive through the intersection on a red light. I deserved to be punished. In
the end, he reduced the charge and the fine. The point I’m trying to make is
that when I was looking up at him, I felt like a little mouse trapped. The cat
was a foot away. Anyway, that’s the feeling I have about going back to Ontario.
I’ve tried to figure out what I’ve done wrong. The only thing I can come up
with is running away from home.”
“He’s
wonderful!” Jill points to Dave, as she sits on a park bench with her
grandmother.
To
give the wedding couple a break, Dave focuses on other members of the family.
“I
gave him a list of pictures I’d like him to take,” says Josey. “I haven’t seen
him consult it once.”
“He
certainly seems happy.”
“He
is now.”
“Now?”
Jill looks at her grandmother.
Josey
studies her granddaughter trying to decide if she should explain.
“Josey?”
Jill’s coaxing encourages Josey to reveal her secret.
“Just
between the two of us?” Josey voice drops.
Jill
nods and leans closer.
“That
long weekend in Brampton, the weekend you left, I told Dave that you might not
be there. He refused to believe me. He came anyway and talked to Karen and, and
that other lady.”
“Linda,”
offers Jill.
“Yes.
I think that’s who it was. Anyway Dave was devastated. Moped around for two
years. Can you imagine?”
Jill
recalls how she felt when Joseph left her. She nods.
“He
kept dropping over for a visit. Hoping, I guess, that I might hear a word from
you. When his visits became less frequent, I became worried.” Josey feels
uncomfortable with the revelation.
Jill
touches her grandmother’s hand; her eyes plead for her to continue.
“I
admired his persistence. I felt as long as he had hope that I would hear from you,
then I too, should keep my hopes up. I suspected his persistence was becoming
an embarrassment to him, so I encouraged him to start a photography business.
He’d been doing several little jobs already, sort of like part time work. That
really perked him up. When we met, he could pretend it was for business. I
could tell he still missed you. It took three more years before he started
going out with Lori. A year later they married. Another half year and then she
was pregnant. By then he was more like you see him now.”
haiku capsule:
unsuccessful
try
If only
I––, I wish I––
Loser. You
loser.
Next blog: Responding
to Failure
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