Food and
Building Relationships
Preparing a meal is even better. The time spent making the dinner is an indication of the extent that the host wants to really draw them together. The only action that surpasses making the meal is when it is done together. Working co-operatively over a couple of hours leaves more time to share with each other, to just joke around. This is a cement that church and community groups find when they work together to provide a meal for others. A team mentality forms. Appreciation for each other develops.
While kiss-and-make-up may sound like a more enjoyable way to mend strained relationships the idea of meeting together over food of some sort is a frequently strategy that I have used in my novel, Baggage burdens. At times, to build trust in each other, two people might meet over food and drink. A favorite example of using this technique takes place in the bakery where Jill works. Her employer, Mary, asks Jill after the store closes to sit down and enjoy a cup of tea. Pastry accompanies their drink as does talk about the customers that came in that day, a safe topic. While many times it may seem like Mary ‘s coaching Jill to know her clients better, often Mary shares secret information about her customers too. It’s sign she trusts Jill. It becomes a time they both treasure. It also opens the door to share personal experiences.
Is it wise to bring up a sensitive issue when eating out? Joseph tests this strategy when he questions Jill about why she doesn’t trust Rebecca, a good neighbor and friend. He waits until the waitress serves their dessert, and he’s paid for the meal. From the last extract below you decide if it worked.
Mary hangs up the Closed sign. Joseph catches the hint. With a wave to Mary, he turns to Jill and says, “Maybe next weekend you and I will go to Mirror Lake for a while.”
“I’ll think about it,” mouths Jill, as she leads him to the door. The bells above the door sing out, and the shop closes for the day. Mary sets the teacups out for their usual day’s wrap-up. Two large peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies centerpiece a small paper plate.
“So, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think Ben has a little competition. Yes, definitely a little competition.” Mary points to Joseph as he drives away.
“He’s just a nice guy. That’s all,” disclaims Jill with a wave of her hand. She nibbles at her cookie.
“Oh, come on. A strong, well-built man like that. His long blonde hair is always clean and combed. That’s a good sign. And you know, he owns a pretty good chunk land southeast of Camrose.”
“Okay, so he’s attractive, and he has land, but there’s nothing between us.”
Mary waits for three weeks, hoping Jill will share what happened when she went to Mirror Lake with Joseph. After Jill locks the door of the shop at the end of a normal Saturday and they sit down for their late afternoon tea and brownies, Mary asks, “Are you ever going to tell me about your date with Joseph?
“First of all, it wasn’t a date.”
“Whatever.” Mary waves off the distinction.
“We had a good time.” The silence tells Jill Mary is expecting more, so Jill reports what she learned about Joseph and his background. She doesn’t mention Joseph’s fear of not finding a girl to marry.
“You going to go out with him again?” Mary leans closer as if expecting Jill to whisper her plans.
In a mood to tease, Jill nibbles her brownie before answering. “If he asks.”
“You mean when he asks,” corrects Mary confidently.
“You seem very sure.”
“I am.”
“Because?”
“He as much as told me so.”
Jill smiles.
When the waitress returns, Joseph signs the bill. Once the server leaves, Joseph thinks, Now. Shouldn’t have any interruptions. He hopes Jill will not erupt in anger and storm out of the restaurant.
“Jill, remember a little earlier you asked if something is wrong?”
Jill nods before she takes a sip of her tea.
“Well, something has been concerning me.” He waits until she finishes the cake in her mouth. “Why have you been avoiding Rebecca? Did she say or do something wrong?”
“No. I just don’t want to have anything to do with her anymore.”
Her calm response encourages Joseph to pursue the matter. “It’s surprising. When you returned from the hospital, she visited you every time I went to the market. Then all of sudden she’s not welcome at Daniel’s birthday, at our Thanksgiving dinner, at our wedding anniversary, and at your birthday.”
Jill interrupts. “I just don’t want to be around her anymore. Is there anything wrong with that?” A note of annoyance creeps into Jill’s response.
“If she’s done something wrong, I know she’d like to make it up to you.”
“Look, she didn’t do anything wrong.”
Her stern response cautions Joseph, but he feels he can’t quit. Bringing up this topic was hard enough. “Then what?”
Jill’s face turns red. “Do you really want to know what the problem is?”
Jill’s voice forces him to glance around the half-full restaurant. Turning to Jill, he firmly answers yes.
Jill leans forward and whispers. “When I am with her, I feel like a moron. Are you satisfied?”
The revelation catches Joseph off guard. He debates pushing any further. Taking her whispered response and her leaning forward as a sign that she doesn’t want to make a scene, he continues. “No. I don’t understand why a person who’s been so supportive …”
“That’s exactly why,” interrupts Jill. “She so good at everything. She’s such a good friend, such a good hostess, such a good cook, and such a good mother. I can’t compete. I can’t even come close.”
“You don’t have to compete …”
Jill glances around the room to see if her raised voice is attracting attention. “Can we leave now?” Without waiting for an answer, she puts on her scarf and overcoat.
Joseph scrambles to keep up with her. By the time he grabs his coat and the birthday cake, Jill is halfway to the door. As they reach the truck, he catches up to her. She opens the door for herself. No words are spoken on the brisk walk to the truck or as he drives out of town.
Haiku capsule:
Chat over some tea
Add peanut butter cookies
A friendship bond builds
Next Blog:
Death Arrests One
Food
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