The Devil You Say

The Devil You Say

What is the cause of some of Jill’s troubles? The devil you say?

Frank, Jill’s father, beat her up so many times, that Jill, like her sister, decided to run away from home. “You wait and see. The devil will punish you for being so willful, so disobedient.” These shouted words were hurled at Jill from her father when she refused to come out of her hiding place to face him. Would Frank’s intoxicated behaviors qualify for saying he was a tormentor like a devil?

Jill chose to live in a rented house with two older boys from school, Dave and Greg. One night during a party they both made unwanted sexual advances. Was Jill’s father right? Was the devil punishing Jill for running away from home? Did she place herself in the devil’s playground?

For much of Jill’s life recurring nightmares torment her. A deep, male voice points out her failings.

     When Jill sleeps in her mother’s car because it was too early to meet her friend at school, the male voice’s first challenge comes––“So you made a good move, eh? Really?”

     “Bone head! You don’t deserve anyone’s love.” The growling male voice challenges Jill as she heads west on the Alberta bound train. Jill has left Brandon before her grandmother arrives for a visit with Dave.

     Shortly after making her wedding plans Jill falls asleep on the couch. A crashing silver set half awakens her. “You phony! Phony! Phony!” The deep male’s voice’s accusation scratches Jill’s contentment like a cat’s claws raking a bare arm. “Liar! Liar! Liar!” Jill’s ineffective defense prompts, “. . . this marriage has a 50 percent chance of success.”

     As Jill carries her ten-month old daughter, Amber, to the house, she whispers, “don’t worry.  You’re my special girl. On your birthday I’ll make a party for my special girl.” In a fitful sleep, a familiar, uninvited male voice steals her attention. “Really? So Amber’s your daughter? R-i-i-ght. Another sign this convenience marriage won’t last.” 

     The unwanted voice from her past returns. “Didn’t you say that you would forgive Joseph if he did something wrong. Then you blamed him for the loss of Christine. You kicked him out of the bedroom. Hardly sounds like forgiveness. I think this marriage is built on a sandy foundation.”

What was the source of these accusations? Her father years later finding fault with her? Her conscience haunting her? The devil highlighting her poor decisions?  

‘I can’t trust anyone.’ Jill’s disturbing, understandable conclusion comes shortly after she has been subjected to uninvited sexual advances. Should such a generalization be applied broadly? If so, for how long? Months? Years? Decades? While targeting males may be understandable, should it apply to her husband, Joseph, and a supportive friend, Bill? What about women like her mother, her grandmother, a supportive neighbor, Rebecca, or her niece, Julie?

Those people at one time or another felt the bite of Jill’s mistrust. Was that the work of the devil or a very sensitive self-image?

Can the devil use people to do his work of accusing people, instill fear and suspicion in others?

Jill believed in God as creator, but not as father. Baggage Burdens. shows that God continued to be near her anyway. Join me in seeing Grace for Jill in the next blog.

Out Reach

Reconciliation of God to One of His Children

Baggage Burdens. shows critical elements of time and faith, lots of time and lots of faith are vital. For those who have been active in evangelism this may not be surprising, but how reconciliation comes to pass in Jill’s life may be illuminating.

Jill’s mother, Alice Rezley, had a very strong faith, but it was nothing that Jill recognized when she lived at home. Jill’s mother died never knowing that her faith would have an impact on her daughter. Yet even in her death she reached out to her family in an expression of faith and love. It isn’t easy to accept that we can’t see how our faith life helps those we love.

   

What does time have to do with winning a person over to God? Is it quality time with someone as measured by loving service? Is it the amount of time you spend with a person? Is it God’s time?

Josey, Jill’s grandmother, rescued Jill when she was homeless. The two months that they spent together were like heaven to Jill. She never forgot her grandmother’s love, but it didn’t stop her from running away from Josey. Josey’s love didn’t bring Jill to the Lord.

The time was too short you might venture. Mary, Jill’s best friend and employer cared for Jill for two years. Even after Jill married and moved away she kept in contact with Mary. Their relationship didn’t bring her closer to God. Time and quality of care proved insufficient.

Acts of love with expressions of faith are needed? Joseph, Jill’s loving husband for more than 26 years, effectively expressed his faith with church members. At Joseph’s request Jill agreed to a church marriage. At dinner the family prayed. Over the length of their marriage, how is it possible that Jill couldn’t be affected?

Because of her friends, Ann and Pete, and her niece, Julie, Jill joined the church. She worked with church programs and children. Jill proved she knew about God but didn’t know God. She didn’t turn to God for things that troubled her even when she felt like ending her life, even after her automobile accident placed her in hospital.

In God’s time you venture? Who knows His mind? Who knows what He does and why? A possible answer, but consider the genuine efforts of Jill’s mother, grandmother, employer and friend, husband and church. Don’t they show God reaching out to Jill? The missing ingredient is Jill deciding she wants to know God and what he can do for her. With that knowledge and experience she will be able to praise God’s as a present and loving personal God.

A time in Jill’s life arrives when she hungers to rebuild her relationship with her oldest son. It’s something she has failed to do. She is ripe for harvesting. God provides His servant. He opens the door to start reconciliation with her son and with Him.

It’s not our work that brings people to God. It’s the work of the Holy Spirit that makes our actions meaningful. Even so an individual must also choose God.  In what way have you seen this experience?

The devil you say. How much of Jill’s troubles are because of the devil twisting her perception of reality? Is what haunts Jill through much of her life from the devil or from a guilty conscience? While no direct reference is made of the devil in Baggage Burdens. the traits of the devil may suggest his presence. The devil you say? What possibilities does the next blog lead you to?

BROKEN

Broken

a Tragedy

In an alcohol-fueled fury, Jill’s father smashed a major drama homework project that Jill spent hours creating. Instead of being grateful that her mother saved her from being the target of her father’s rage, Jill’s anger and helplessness overwhelmed her. Knowing that her father’s behavior wouldn’t change––it hadn’t even though the police had been called before––Jill ran away from home. She left six weeks before graduation. With courage and determination and no alternate home, Jill struck out alone. Relying on hope she boarded at Dave’s place. He was an old boyfriend. That failed. Hope brought her to Mrs. Maxwell, a woman, not even a friend, to temporarily put her up. Hope supported Jill in reconnecting with her grandmother. Jill’s resilience provided her with the foundation for a promising future. 

Fear is the beginning of wisdom. It saved Jill from potential harm at her father’s hand. Fear forced her to leave Dave’s when she couldn’t trust him to keep his word. Her fear flag flew at the suggestion that her parents be told she was okay. They couldn't know where she was. It flapped again when connecting with her grandmother was proposed. Fear kept Jill’s location a secret and kept her safe.

The flaw, unrestrained fear, overrules rational thought. Like a toboggan starting down a hill, fear slowly dismisses compromises.  Soon the ride races at breakneck speed, threatening harm unless firm control is regain. Jill’s escape from her grandmother’s love starts her down hill. Her seeking refuge on an isolated farm, her assumption that Joseph, her husband, was stealing her son’s love mirrors a wild speed. Strict control over sexual activity with her husband and being the home schoolteacher for her other children restores control and Jill’s sense of safety. Her ill exercised control grows antagonism and shattering isolation.

Another flaw hides in Jill, one planted by her father––you’re a disobedient child, a bad child, one deserving punishment not love. To dismiss this perception Jill attempts to be better than her mother. As a parent she fails with her eldest son, but succeeds with her other children. Completing her education and having a large family build her self-image. Still haunted by a sin from her past, she strives to earn respect. Then her husband tells her he wants nothing to do with her anymore, a knockout blow! She is worse than her mother. As a single mother, she is bound for harder times. The rejection confirms she is unworthy of respect. Scrambling to care for her children she adjusts. Control is restored until she is in a car accident. Broken psychologically and physically, unable to care for her children, she realizes she has nothing. There is no courage, no determination, no hope.

How can one recover from a negated self-image?

God’s love for His children often goes unseen. In Jill’s case, in Baggage Burdens. she accepts the story of God’s redemptive actions like the stories of Santa Clause. She escapes discussing her beliefs until she confesses alone she can’t solve the tension between her and her eldest son. The next blog looks at what Jill could not see.

Worst Fear Realized

Worst Fear Realized

Like Jill in Baggage burdens. Joseph did everything he could to avoid reliving a childhood experience. In spite of his many efforts he fails.

Being an only child didn’t seem like a hardship to Joseph when his parents were alive.  A car accident claimed them while he was very young. Because of the loving care he received from his grandparents, Joseph adopted many of their values. That put him at odds with the four fun loving, me-first for everything uncles who lived with Joseph’s grandparents.

Mike, his grandparent’s oldest son, also found his four brother’s disrespectful behaviors untenable. As soon as he could he moved away and bought a farm in a close-knit, conservative religious community. When Joseph learned of his other uncle he started writing to him and later visiting him. Their shared values drew them together.

Joseph’s few visits meant so much to Mike that when Mike died of a heart issue, he left his farm to Joseph.  Joseph soon learned that Mike lead a lonely life. While Mike was part of the religious community, his only true friends were Thomas and Rebecca, neighbors. With Thomas’ help Joseph took to farming and was eventually accepted by the church community although relationships remained distant.

A wife and a family, a large family––for Joseph no only-one-child family–– could solve Joseph’s problem. The rural community shielded their daughters from this outsider’s roving eye. Until Joseph noticed Jill, a waitress in a Camrose Bakery, he feared an isolated life like Mike’s.

Why this city bred girl showed an interest in Joseph and his farm life he didn’t know. Like any lottery winner when Jill agreed to marry him, Joseph didn’t question his luck. Her warning that she had unresolved issues from her past didn’t counter his desire to build a family with her.

To preserve his blessing Joseph determined he’d do what ever it took to make Jill happy in his isolated home. He didn’t know how high cost would be. After more than twenty-five years of marriage he ended up in a worse position than Mike when Mike left home.

        When Joseph saw the essence of his identity being undermined, he chose a strategic withdrawal. Men in his rural community accused Joseph of having no backbone. He should be more assertive, tell Jill when she is being unreasonable. An authoritarian he wasn’t.

Do you no any one who is very assertive or very meek? What problem(s) does that cause?

Three characters in Baggage burdens. fall victim to a personal tragedy. A character’s flaw serves as a foundation for a downfall. How much more tragic can it be for a person who concludes all is lost? I don’t want to live any longer.  Partial truth leads Jill to completely give up. Her flaws and her circumstances are explored in the next blog.

Digging Deeper

Digging Deeper

To understand Frank, Jill’s father, in Baggage burdens one must dig deep, deeper than Jill was prepared to endure.

Frank’s employer at the Oshawa General Motors plant didn’t find out what Frank’s real problem was. Even though Frank was a highly valued supervisor his drinking lead to him to being fired.

Only Alice understood her husband’s need to drink. Her insight enabled her to defend him in spite of his drinking that lead to violent behavior and the running away of both her daughters. What could possibly have won her loyalty?

A foundational hint of Frank’s deep-seated problem appears in Jill’s recollection of her childhood. Frank brags to the men at work about his daughter in a school play. He mistakenly thinks she is an actor. The error shows him up as not being a father who knows his children. The result is he reverts to the role he experienced from his own father. Be a good provider and an authoritarian. Jill lacks her mother’s perspective to see how Frank’s mistake became a thorn that festers and poisons his self-image.

Alice’s lifeline insight peeks out when she is in the hospital. Frank visits her and quits drinking. Josey’s pressure failed to force Frank to change. Alice’s strategy worked. Why? When Kathy, Jill’s sister, visits her mother in the hospital she learns why Alice supported Frank so many times. The explanation opens the door for her to meet with Frank several years after Alice’s death. Kathy eventually learns first hand that her mother was right. Frank claimed no one cared about him. Even God deserted him.

For a while Frank had it all: he was married, had two children and a very good job. Then his childhood flaw grew like a thistle and through the liquor bottle it sucked his blessings. He died with nothing.

It is important for someone to believe in you.

Who has fulfilled that role in your life?

How have they shown it?

In what way was it important to you?

Three characters in Baggage burdens. fall victim to a personal tragedy. A character’s flaw serves as a foundation for a downfall. In the case of Joseph, Jill’s husband, good intentions are not enough to save him from his sorry fate. How can an honest, loving, hard working man be subjected to such a fall? That is explored in the next blog.

Same, But Not the Same

Same, But Not the Same

Which character in Baggage burdens is in the best position to attempt to alter Jill’s impressions about her father? Jill’s highly respected grandmother, Josey, never approved of Frank. Her changed impression would be impressive, but how could Frank and Josey connect for any length of time. Kathy, like Jill, feared her father. A change in Kathy’s feeling could possibly influence Jill. Is it more likely that a rebuilt relationship might occur between father and daughter?

Jill and Kathy both grew up under an umbrella of fear that their father, in a an alcoholic rage, would beat them. Both became so desperate that in their final year of high school they chose to run away from home. If any one could understand Jill’s apprehensions about her father it had to be Kathy.

Kathy’s sympathetic view of her father shocks Jill. What differences in Kathy’s life could account for her change? While Jill and Kathy were both married, Kathy remained married and Jill was divorced. Jill had four children. Kathy had two. Could Kathy have more room in her heart to forgive and love her father? Deathbed insights from Kathy’s mother about Frank could shed a new light on Frank. Kathy was there to hear those comments. Jill wasn’t. What different wisdom about Frank could Alice Rezley give that would turn her daughter’s fear away?

Another difference between Kathy and Jill is that Kathy had limited contact with her father for twenty years after Alice died. Could the death of Frank’s wife, Kathy and Jill’s mother, have changed Frank’s life-long drinking habit? Would that have been enough to erase the pain and suffering he caused Kathy while she lived under his roof?

Sibling differences during childhood often form the basis for friction. However, other family experiences cement lasting supportive relationships. What stories can you tell to illustrate that situation?

Three characters in Baggage burdens. fall victim to a personal tragedy. While a character’s flaw serves as a foundation for a downfall, in the case of Frank, Jill’s father, it would be easy to miss his flaw or correctly anticipate his sorry fate. Both elements of Frank’s tragedy are explored in the next blog.

You're O U T !

You’re   O u t !

Glaring personal traits can lead to a person being prejudged. Glaring trait is in the eye of the beholder. Martin Shopka had three strikes against him. He was a man, he had a beard and he smoked heavily. In Jill’s eyes, he was no better than her father, a man she learned to fear.

As in baseball, a strike one call isn’t serious. Martin’s first fault is that he is a man. Because of Jill’s father’s violent alcoholic nature and Dave’s indiscretion, Jill knew men could not be trusted. Yes, Jill was married, but she often didn’t trust Joseph completely. Later in her marriage she frequently disapproved of some of his actions.

Strike two! More serious! Martin’s second fault is he had a beard, a scraggly beard. Jill’s father had a beard. Any man with a beard fell under suspicion. Even in a half conscious state when Jill saw the doctor in the hospital bending over her, she became very anxious. Having two strikes against you doesn’t mean that Jill would avoid the person. Ben, a boy who tried to win her heart, succeed many times in dating her. But as a marital partner he was out of luck. His second flaw––he was a social drinker. It never happened in her presence, but the grape vine stories disqualified him.

Strike three! You’re out of luck! Jill will not accept Martin. His fatal third flaw? He was a smoker, a chain smoker. Yellow stained fingers testified to an entrenched addiction. His habit clung to his clothes and assaulted her nostrils. It stirred disturbing memories of her father.

YOU'RE O U T !

  

          Do those three aspects of Martin’s character make him a bad person? He did let Daniel, and Amber ride his horses. He sold Hoss to Joseph so Amber would have her own horse. One could argue in the first case Martin’s horses were exercised and in the second he received financial compensation. At Daniel’s wedding, countering negative opinions, Martin pointed to Jill’s actions to show she was a good wife. When Jill wanted to move to Camrose, Martin bought Joseph’s farm. Later when Jill was in the hospital, he asked about Jill’s health. Joseph was already divorced from Jill at the time.  

Personality conflict based on generalizations leaves one with blinders. They’re rendered a person incapable of appreciating another. Know of a personality trait or behavior that has blinded another person so they can’t see any good in another person?

In Baggage burdens Kathy, Jill’s sister, was raised by the same parents.  While they had similar childhood experiences, Kathy turned out very different from her sister. Why? That’s the next blog.